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Judged by His Peers and Not by God


He sat in his comfortable chair with his back to the television and the view of the window still caught the programming. He thought about guilt and he tried to wash it away. It was eating at him and he couldn't understand why. There was no need for a madman to feel guilty. There was no need whatsoever.

He gripped the arms of his chair trying to balance the thoughts attacking his mind. He wanted no guilt inside him when the police crash through the doors. He wanted to be seen in pure insanity. There wasn't going to be an ounce of remorse spilling onto the floor. Not one single ounce.

He looked up at the programming through the window and felt sick to his stomach. There was a commercial on featuring small children laughing while their mothers changed their diapers. The smiles pulled at him, and that's what he didn't want. He wanted the anger to fill his thoughts. He wanted the punishment of being a murderer to concentrate in his mind. He deserved no pity, and he wanted to dispense no pity either.

He closed his eyes hard and felt like screaming, but did not. His failures as a decent human Being filled his heart and the voices in his head was actually cataloging all of his sins. His life was a merry-go-round and he lived a life of horrific sin. He watched his mother die violently during a home invasion and he enjoyed the pain. His father hung himself in the basement and he rejoiced just as the devil would have. Of course he'd have moments of regret, but he knew it was just God trying to pull him out of the realm of purgatory. Hell was like Heaven to him. And in that statement, there was no doubt.

His dread deepened as the wait grew longer and longer. The police still have not broken down the door. There was no one shouting at him to get on the floor. There was no hungry detective waiting for him to do something stupid so that he could fill the madman with bullets. Just silence, which grew louder and louder in thought alone.

The madman wanted to be filled with panic, but anger is what rose up in him. Anger is what made him shout as he stood and turned toward the door. It was anger that took hold of his thoughts.

The police was suppose to be at his door arresting him so that he could make headlines. Grab the attention of the world while his trial dragged on. It was what he hoped for as the door remained intact.

“Where are you?” he shouted as loud as he could. “Where the hell are you?”

The memories of the murder he committed came rushing back like rats fleeing a basement after a pipe burst. He wanted to be judged by his peers and not by God. He wanted to be taken alive and he wanted to smile at the flashing lights. He wanted to be the update and the breaking news.

Then he noticed a figure standing by the kitchen door. It was a lone shadow. He couldn't tell if it was male or female, but what he did noticed was the gun.

“Don't take away my glory,” he whispered.

The shadow made him feel uncomfortable and he felt cheated and exposed.

The silence left after a single shot hit the target hung in the air

as long as it could.

© 2018 Frank Atanacio


Frank Atanacio (author) from Shelton on January 30, 2018:

thanks for stopping by Annie

Annie from NewYork on January 29, 2018:

I enjoy reading this frank Atanacio..

In the meantime help inspire us.

stories are communal currency of humanity quote:

Frank Atanacio (author) from Shelton on January 29, 2018:

Genna East thank you so much for always visiting.. bless you

Genna East from Massachusetts, USA on January 28, 2018:

Excellent, Frank. The only attention he got in the end was a bullet that tore through the air before tearing into him. And the lone shadow, without recognition or even a name, was the perfect delivery.

Frank Atanacio (author) from Shelton on January 25, 2018:

Missy Smith I got nothing but love for you..bless you girl..:)

Missy Smith from Florida on January 25, 2018:

I think I always enjoy your stories, because they make me want to analyze the perpetrator. I get curious to know his past. You gave little clues here, and it made me feel like this man just wants out. His life has been wreaked with horrors and violence, and he chose horror to try to find his way out.

However, like I always believe, even in the real world, these people who do these horrific things, also have a human side. We, as the people knowing that these types are among us doing these things to innocent people, have no sympathy for that moral side though. How could we possibly? To think of innocent children dying; I mean, I know these killers human sides hate themselves too.

Your character does these things, in hopes it will be enough to end him, because he hates himself. He hates his life and what it showed him, and horror is the only thing he knows, so he wants his glory as well. He wants to, at least, leave this world with some sort of recognition that he was here, and he will defy God's rules to get it!

I don't know if you get annoyed by my long takes on your stories? I apologize if I do comment too much on them. lol. This is Frank Atanacio's book club isn't it?? Haha... :)

Frank Atanacio (author) from Shelton on January 25, 2018:

thanks for stopping by Clive

Clive Williams from Jamaica on January 24, 2018:

Frank...you are a flash fiction volcano!

Frank Atanacio (author) from Shelton on January 24, 2018:

thank you Manatita...bless you bro

Manatita44 on January 24, 2018:

Great... great great flash Bro. You're experimenting with newness and creativity like a certain Lantern Carrier does with his poetry. Yet they are still awesome. Cool!

Frank Atanacio (author) from Shelton on January 24, 2018:

thank you so much MsDora....:)

Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on January 24, 2018:

We get to choose what to do. We do not get to choose how others respond to what we do. We certainly don't get to choose how God responds. I'm impressed with the way you detail the drop down of this murderer's thoughts.

Frank Atanacio (author) from Shelton on January 24, 2018:

Livetech thanks for stopping by

Frank Atanacio (author) from Shelton on January 24, 2018:

Flourish thank you for supporting my flash.. bless you

Frank Atanacio (author) from Shelton on January 24, 2018:

hey John Good to see you, I'll stop over to your page and return the view...Happy New Year

Frank Atanacio (author) from Shelton on January 24, 2018:

thanks Bill

Paul Levy from United Kingdom on January 24, 2018:

Retribution is all too satisfying as a reader - loved this story, bravo

FlourishAnyway from USA on January 23, 2018:

I’m glad this guy was cheated out of what he wanted. A single shot seems too kind.

John Hansen from Queensland Australia on January 23, 2018:

Wow, Frank. This was amazing. Up there with the best of your writing. Powerful stuff, and I loved the perfect retribution at the end.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on January 23, 2018:

Damn you're good!

Frank Atanacio (author) from Shelton on January 23, 2018:

thanks for sharing your comment Peg Cole

Peg Cole from Northeast of Dallas, Texas on January 23, 2018:

I wanted to shout, "Hooray!" at the end. It seems as if many that commit crimes are desperately seeking attention, just like you've so eloquently captured here.

Frank Atanacio (author) from Shelton on January 23, 2018:

thank you so much Ann

Ann Carr from SW England on January 23, 2018:

I could feel his mood & emotion; brilliant! Good that he didn't get what he wanted.


Frank Atanacio (author) from Shelton on January 23, 2018:

thanks for stopping by Eric

Eric Dierker from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A. on January 23, 2018:

Woowee that is a good one. I think maybe I will have nightmares tonight.

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