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In Love With Nightmares

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Love, regret, love, regret, love, regret, love..7 is complete, and love won. Self wrote...


“How could you even think about lending that one piece of land which is the last hope of you and your children's future? And you know far better than anyone else that you will never get that back from that bloody loan shark.” Lily's mother is yelling at her with all her strength.

“So, what do you want me to do, Ma? Let him die without getting treated when I know that I have a way to help him. I can't, Ma. I know there is no hope. At least I should lessen his pain when that is all I can do for him now.” Lily answers with a sigh.

“Of course you will. Don't you think it was bound to happen one day? After all those messes that he created, do you think I have any sympathy left in me for him? I didn't tell him to be a drug addict. I didn't even want you to get married to him. See, what happened. You have got beaten every day and finally, you have become bankrupt. You don't have to care about me. you never did. At least you could think about your children.” Lily's mother leaves the room with teary eyes.

After dinner Lily leaves for the hospital like the past 4 months, staying at the balcony of the hospital the whole night thinking that in case Asad(her husband) needs her.

“Your husband wants to see you. After seeing him, meet Dr.Nazim. He has been looking for you.” the nurse of her husband says to Lily.

“How are you today?” patting Asad's head asks Lily.

“Bou(wife) you came? Sit here. I got to tell you something.”


“Why did you love me, Bou?”

“Because you said I am beautiful,” Lily answers with a smile.

“Yeah, you are. Our kids, how are they doing?”

“Don't worry. They are doing Fine”

“Bou, do you remember the day we first met? You were laughing like crazy. Wearing red, looking so pretty” Asad says looking at Lily.

“And you just came and said “you are beautiful", let's get married” Lily laughs.

“I was afraid that I would lose you,”


Lily looks at him with curiosity.

“Because you are beautiful,” both of them laugh out loud.

Asad holds Lily's hand tightly says,

“Bou, don't love me that much. I am not worth it. You better hate me as much you can. I love you so much. I was so happy to have you in my life. Not only that, but I was so happy about the fact that I have my very own family now, and I have someone to share my life with. See I am dying and going to pay for all sins, for all bad things I did to you.”

“No, you are not going to die”

“Listen to me first. I don't want to die here. Take me home. I want to be with my kids before I die, I want to see them playing, jumping through the room, laughing, eating.” Tears are dropping continuously from his eyes.

“Enough for today. I will think about it. You need rest” saying that Lily leaves the room.


“May I come in sir?” Lily knocks at the Doctor's door.

“Yes Lily, come in, sit. I need to discuss something with you something,” Dr. Nazim who has been treating Asad from the very beginning.

“See, we are trying our best to make your husband's condition better. But his cirrhosis is in the end-stage. We tried our best to find another way. But unfortunately, a liver transplant is the only option that we have left. As you know it's pretty costly, and we have many other important procedures to complete. Let's do one thing. You get him treated at home and try to find a way to get the money for a transplant. We will start to search for a donor. I will try to find some donations for you if I can. In that way, you can save some money from there too. You have been staying here for the last 4 months. You almost know everything that how to take care of him. I will send the nurse with you for one week to help you. You live on the way from my house to the hospital. I can visit him almost every day. You also have my phone number. What do you say?”

Thinking about Asad's words and Doctor's advice Lily decides to take Asad home.

Lily sits at the hospital's balcony in front of Asad's cabin. She will spend her night here like everyday.

Sitting here, all her old memories with her husbands are floating before her eyes.

Asad was a completely different person when Lily met Asad first. They used to roaming around the village on his cycle and laughing the whole time together.

Even after Marriage, they were so happy together. Lily, her mother, Asad started to live happily in their small house. Asad used to work at a garage. Their family had been going pretty smoothly with Asad's earnings.

After their first son's birth, Asad decided to shift to Dhaka with lily. Asad thought that he needs more money for his son's upbringing. And he was doing pretty good. Found a job, a good house to live in. After two years, they had their second son. They were so happy together.


But after several months, Asad started to change. He started to consume Heroine and began to come home after midnight, at some point he even stooped coming home at night. As Lily tried to convince him not to have drugs, conflicts arose between him and Lily. Lily did not give up on trying to make him understand. But it made the situation worse. Asad started to beat her up.

Lily clearly remembers the first time Asad rose his hand on her. It was felt like the whole world is falling apart. She could not believe what she was facing. Slowly it became Asad's habit to beat her up.

Things started to get worse Assad lost his job. Lily started to stitch and paper bag-making business to provide for her family.

She always tried not to think too much about her struggles, always thought that she could handle them. But fortune didn't help her. Asad fell ill. It's liver cirrhosis.

Helpless Lily didn't know what to do. Then he met Dr. Nazim who got her some discount in the treatment process. Also got her some donations. Lily started to work day and night to pay her husband's treatment bill.

Lily's tired eyes start to get fuzzy. She sees Asad, both of them are holding hands and walking beside the bank of the river of their village.

Suddenly Asad starts crying and telling her holding her hand tightly,

“Bou, promise me that you will not leave me. If I do something wrong, punish me as much as you want, find any other way to take revenge on me. Just don't leave me alone, don't leave me behind. I don't have anyone in this big world but you. Bou, Bou?” Lily wakes up startled and looks at the window of Asad's room. He is sleeping.

Lily takes a deep breath. She feels the cool breeze of the morning. It's a new day. She needs to get ready. She has lots of incomplete tasks to be done and makes everything okay as much as she can.