I Am Evolving... You Are Not
Marriage is always a work in progress
I am evolving... You are not
Deji met Sandra at the University. It was love at first sight for him. Sandra was everything he had hoped for in a woman; intelligent, outspoken, beautiful and smart. She was the vice president of the University Debating Society, and went on many competitions for her school, excelling all the time. She graduated as the best student of her department, and got automatic scholarship to start her masters program. Deji was also the President of the Student Union Government of the school.
They admired each other's strengths and felt like they complemented one another. They went for club programs together, debates, charity events around the state. They formed movements on ideals they believed in, and excelled together. It was as if they were made for each other.
After school, they got married, to no one's surprise. Deji got a job in a multinational corporation, and Sandra started working at the University as a lecturer.
Few years and two kids later, Sandra was rapidly moving up the ladder of the academic world. She was a fantastic keynote speaker, a well sought after lecturer all over the country and beyond, and a business woman of great acumen.
She was always attending self development seminars, reading self development books, progressing intellectually, physically and socially.
Deji got laid off at his place of work, and decided to work for a smaller company. The company paid fairly well, so he did not bother himself about looking for more. Everyday after work, he stayed in front of the TV until midnight watching one movie or another. Same thing during the weekends. Whenever Sandra was going for one of her seminars, she invited him, but he was not interested. He stopped going for their weekend gym activities, complaining of stressful days at work. He just wanted to watch movies, eat and sleep, and perhaps, argue about politics with his friends who came around sometimes.
One Saturday, Sandra was in the kitchen preparing lunch for her kids. She could hear Deji laughing with his friends as they watched soccer on the TV. Suddenly, the topic changed to her.
"My wife will be an associate professor soon." Deji said proudly.
His friends congratulated him and told him how lucky he was to have such an amazing, hardworking woman as a wife. They kept on talking, and Deji said,
"I just love that woman!"
Sandra sighed where she was and wondered, could she say the same thing about Deji? Was she still in love with him? During their university days, he was a proactive person, a leader, an ambitious man.
Now, he was contented with the way he is, in a way that irritates Sandra. There was no motivation from him anymore. The fire in him that attracted him to Sandra was not burning any longer.
Sandra realized just then, that she didn't love him anymore.
She was evolving everyday, he was not.
Her fire was burning brighter in all aspects, she was the same person from the University, but better. Her husband's fire was... Stagnant.
Issues such as this ruin so many a marriage. When you fall in love with some one, you fall in love with them because some things about them attracts your attention, and your passion for them builds.
But when those things are not there anymore, or are not improving, then you start feeling you don't have the same feelings for them again.
That is why it is always a bad idea to get married to someone JUST BECAUSE of their killer figure.
Marriage is a lifetime commitment, hence, it should not be a boring, monotonous arrangement. Couples need to keep on improving on those qualities that got each others attention in the first place. You don't just become relationship-lazy just because you already won the prize, because after the thrilling period of "being crazy in love" passes, the little ways you work on to improve yourself for you and your partner sustains the marriage.
Let me know your views on this.
Questions & Answers
© 2017 Fowosire Halima Adebola