Updated date:

I Don't Know How I Got Here

Alysia has always enjoyed the right side of the brain activities such as music and creative writing. Currently retired and has twin girls.

i-dont-know-how-i-got-here

I was about the MUSIC period.

I hadn't been going to the Riverside Casino for karaoke that long really. After this experience I began to think I really wasn't the sociable type. I just wanted to sing my song and get the hell out of Dodge.


I don't understand how I got there. I think I wandered in from planet Gorsh. The guy next to me from Phoenix tipped his beer into my lap while trying to pour snaps down my throat and I wasn't a sociable drinker.


The other two men at the table, friends of Phoenix were having the usual happy hour. It's something that men do when they're together. They seem to have their own language. It's not Gorsh language.


While I waited for my number to come up, I knew they were most likely conspiring about whether the lady at the end of the table, sitting alone was fair game for whatever.

i-dont-know-how-i-got-here

I Wish They'd Call My Number!

What was his name? Will Ravage. Oh great. I get it. After Phoenix tried to sit in my chair while I was still in it, I turned to the two gabby men and asked them if they were men? They informed they were men and then I asked if they could tell me if Phoenix was hitting on me. I really wasn't sure except that he wore a silly grin when looking at me.


In all my time as this karaoke queen around and about town, I never could understand why a man thought it you danced one dance with them, they had to lay you, They were sure that's why you danced with them.


It was just a dance. I never dance to get to the end of it. I dance because it makes me feel good.

Plus, I'd missed my calling. I should have been somewhere in the music business, dancing or singing, or even acting.


I knew right from the start I'd never sleep my way to the top. There was plenty of gals that would do just that; I wouldn't join the ranks.

i-dont-know-how-i-got-here

Dude, Look Closer; What Do You See?

Mr. Ravage, the one with the understanding eyes rushed to my aide to enlighten me, yes, this was true, I was being hit on by the Phoenix guy who was short and fat and had fathered 4 children with different mothers and looked way too young to have been that busy. I was then 61. He had to have been half my age.


Next year I was looking forward to receiving social security checks. I was celibate and not looking, which meant to my daughter, that I wasn't getting any. Being celibate was my choice I tried to explain.


I surmise my problems stem from because I am an alien. On my planet a woman cannot mate with an Earthling, despite all the men said they were men, I wasn't sure. I wondered seriously what was wrong with Phoenix that he couldn't tell my age? It wasn't that dark in here.


Later I think, it had to have been he was seriously soused and all the girls look better under the influence of demon drink.


I decided men have no eyes to see with, or it's possible they like exotic Gorsh women despite their age. Nah.


Aren't you married Mr. Irish Cream I asked? I thought I should tell them, I too have a nick name, Laughing Rain. No, I'm not married, what gave you that idea? asked Mr. Creamed. Why, because you have four children. I replied.

i-dont-know-how-i-got-here

Waiting For My Spaceship

Creamed Phoenix began to explain that the guy sitting next to us had fathered two of his children. Confused I asked how that was possible. He said his ex had married this gentleman, and the children lived with this other man and his ex. Oh, whew, I breathed.

Creamed wobbled away and nearly went down and I mentioned that Mr. Ravage needed to take him to his hotel room, when Ravage explained to me, this was their vacation and this is how they had a good time. Ravage said this while smiling fondly at Phoenix who was now on the floor looking more like an amoeba puddle than anything resembling a man who claimed he was a father.


Oh I forgot I said. This is Earthling territory and they drink fermented brew as they don't like to be sober. Ravage was called to the stage and did an excellent number called Creep, while I did an excellent number called What's up, which was certainly designed by another Gorsh entity infiltrating the society of humans.


I made my escape around 11:30 and Ravage followed me out the door asking for the 15th time would I be here tomorrow night?

I had been planning to come frequently to Riverside Casino Karaoke and 14 times I had nodded my head yes, I'll be here. The 15th time he asked I suddenly realized, no, I wouldn't be back tomorrow night.


It's Gorsh's liberation day, and I will be celebrating elsewhere, in my memory and they may send me a transmission from home, if I can find that radio signal out in space, one more time.

Comments

Alysia McAlister (author) from California, United States on July 22, 2017:

thanks for mentioning it Ryan. I just discovered this article I'd written 9 yrs ago and didn't even realize I'd written it and tucked it away in the archives. I thought it was funny too, so decided to publish it for fun. glad that you also liked it.

Ryan from Louisiana, USA on July 22, 2017:

What a fun and entertaining article. The illustrations were entertaining as well.

Alysia McAlister (author) from California, United States on July 21, 2017:

glad you enjoyed them; there's more where that came from!

Angel Guzman from Joliet, Illinois on July 21, 2017:

Lmao, love the pictures in your article!