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How the Grynch Stole Everything!

Larry Rankin is among the millions of hardworking denizens of the world disillusioned by the abuses of the ultra-wealthy.

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how-the-grynch-stole-everything

Every Not

Down in Not-ville

Liked living a lot…

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But the Grynch,

As to the Not’s living,

Did NOT!

The Grynch found Not-ville and the whole Not-ville reason

Of helping no matter the season displeasing.

It could be that his brains were battered and broke.

It could be, maybe, that his breath smelled when he spoke.

But no, that wasn’t the reason to call.

The problem, you see, is he had no heart at all.

how-the-grynch-stole-everything

But,

Regardless the reason,

His heart or his breath,

He stood on his stoop thinking of torture and death.

Staring down from his mansion with a grimace and growl

At the meek life of the Nots in their little town.

For he knew every Not down in Not-ville below

Was busy being happy with little at all.

“And just look at them grabbing their food stamps!” he lashed.

“They are looking for handouts, stealing my cash!

“To waste on food and clothes, it just isn’t funny!

“There simply MUST be some way to take ALL the money!”

For,

If he didn’t, he knew…

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…All the Not children from Timbukone to Timbuktu

Would grow up feeling just like they MATTERED, too,

And then oh how fate would whirl and twirl!

They might elect a NEGRO, or even worse, a GIRL!


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Then the Nots, young and old, would sit down in peace.

Not scared in the least!

And there’d be PEACE!

PEACE!

PEACE!

PEACE!

Calm people don’t buy things to keep rich folks wealthy.

They don’t shoot each other. It just isn’t healthy!

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And THEN he imagined

There’d be a thing

That just wasn’t right!

Every Not down in Not-ville, the dark and light,

Would decide they were equally worthy of caring,

And kill precious money by all just sharing!

They’d share! And they’d share!

AND they’d SHARE! SHARE! SHARE! SHARE!

And the more the Grynch thought of this Not-love-fest,

The more the Grynch thought, “I simply MUST stop this!

Why for twelve generations my family’s been rich!

For all remembrance it’s been our ass you kiss!

…But what happens when rich isn’t RICH?”

how-the-grynch-stole-everything

Then the Grynch had a thought!

A terrible thought!

THE GRYNCH

GOT A TERRIBLE, DISGUSTING THOUGHT!

how-the-grynch-stole-everything

“Here’s what I’ll do!” He screeched as he expelled some gas.

“I’ll just stroll down the hill dressed in faux worker class.

“And convince the Nots their neighbor’s sloth is to blame

For all of life’s injustice, frustration, and pain.”

how-the-grynch-stole-everything

“I’ll need a hard hat,” Thought the Grynch.

“And some Godly line…?

“‘People who help one another hate God!’ Yes, divine!”

Though actually a phrase

That didn’t work a bit,

He’d say it and say it until that dumb slogan fit!

He’d put it on coasters and toasters and guns!

He would even slip it into Cosby reruns!

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THEN

He loaded tubs

With free stuff sporting his brand,

And for some bizarre reason,

Some books by Ayn Rand!

Then the Grynch jumped in

His behemoth Range Rover,

And down he sped

To see how his scheme would go over.

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The Nots were skeptics, and said as much aloud,

But they were outdone by the plants in the crowd

Who were paid each a shilling to back the Grynch proud.

With deep pockets and a cross around his neck,

The Grynch thought to himself, “This job should be quick.”

how-the-grynch-stole-everything

And while the Nots began to hate all their neighbors,

The Grynch bought Congress with hookers and party favors.

Slowed only once by a Senator with virtue true,

Until that sly Grynch exposed this man as a Jew.

“My taxes will go first,” the Grynch said with a laugh.

And now when the levees break folks just takes a bath.

how-the-grynch-stole-everything

No healthcare, schools, or good roads, what a problem to spin,

But the Grynch swayed the people it was their fault again.

And the Nots went hungry while the Grynch was sated.

So the Nots robbed each other. They killed and berated

For silly things like beliefs and orientation,

While the Grynch just watched on in anticipation.

how-the-grynch-stole-everything

He watched as neighbors died of third world diseases!

He laughed as he heard their wheezes and sneezes!

He took all that comprised Not civility and ease.

Why, that Grynch even disposed of their government cheese!

how-the-grynch-stole-everything

He took that for which the Nots had struggled and strived.

“And NOW!” the Grynch howled, “They’ll wish they were not alive!”

how-the-grynch-stole-everything

It was at a foreclosure, a thing the Grynch loved,

When he was startled by the gentle voice of a dove.

He turned around fast, to a child sickly and weak.

It was Niecy-Know Not, just old enough to speak.

The Grynch grinned to see this Not family’s daughter,

As he readied himself to go for the slaughter.

And in a hollow voice, she said, “But Grynch, sir, why,

Why did you let my whole family die? WHY?”

how-the-grynch-stole-everything

But you know that Grynch, so slithery and cunning,

He thought up a meanness that struck him as funny!

“Why is it my fault your folks were lazy and dumb?

“Why is it my fault your little fingers are numb?

“Your parents died because they didn’t love you enough

“To do all the things so you would have enough stuff!”

And little Niecy-Know Not,

sick with lice on her head,

Went and lay by her family to share their deathbed.

And the Grynch, often too busy to enjoy such things,

Watched Niecy drift away with her parents and siblings.

how-the-grynch-stole-everything

Then the Grynch sighed,

“If only I could take their souls!”

HE imagined gathering them all up into a bowl,

To eat with a side of port and a yeasty yeast roll.

And leaving that house,

Still in a wonderful cheer,

He thought, “Why, I must be Businessman of the Year!”

how-the-grynch-stole-everything

Then

He did the same thing

To other Not houses

Leaving the dead

As food

For all the Not mouses!

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And at just past light…

All Nots far too hungry for bed,

All Nots were instead quietly

Counting their dead,

While the Grynch counted his coins! His cash! His house keys!

And of course he counted his government cheese!

how-the-grynch-stole-everything

The Grynch watched his profits soar up! Up like a bird,

But underneath there was resistance to be heard!

A grumbling from those not quite yet starved out

Who still had the courage and strength left to doubt

“I hear them whining!” the Grynch said with a fright.

“I hear them blaming me in groups of the Night!

“Some Nots down in Not-ville are still BURNING BRIGHT!”

how-the-grynch-stole-everything

“That’s a noise,” growled the Grynch,

“That I MUST investigate!

“That I MUST stop before it is simply too late!”

And he used all his influence and money, you see,

To find out just where their peaceful protest would be…

how-the-grynch-stole-everything

The Grynch found out where!

Why, how this made him merry!

Then he hired

The whole Not Military!

He stared down at the Not-protest!

His eyes scanned the scene!

The Grynch gave a signal!

And the crowd, oh how they screamed!

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Every Not in Not-protest, the bony and weak,

Were riddled with bullets before they could speak.

The Nots COULDN’T stop the Grynch, no not at all!

HE CAME!

And somehow he had conquered them, one and all!

how-the-grynch-stole-everything

And a tired, lonely Not, cast out in the cold

Would wonder not long, because he wouldn’t grow old.

“How did the Grynch take our freedom? Our good will?

“How’d he take all our money while we paid the bill?”

And he wondered for hours, till his wonderer was broke.

Then he had one final laugh at this big cosmic joke!

“The Grynch,” he thought, “is the nastiest thing you’ll ever see.

“And as a result, he’ll always beat you and me!”

how-the-grynch-stole-everything

And what happened then…?

Well…in Not-ville they say

That the Grynch’s ego

Grew ten sizes that day!

And as soon as his head didn’t feel quite so light,

He found himself a crown and a robe purple, bright

And declared himself king of the NORTH, SOUTH, WEST, and EAST!

And the people…

how-the-grynch-stole-everything

…BOWED…!

All hail the Grynch! All hail the beast!

Opinion

Comments

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on October 05, 2017:

Did everything myself, including the art. Was the most difficult think I ever did. Makes me happy when people get some enjoyment out of it.

Linda Robinson on October 04, 2017:

Good Morning Larry. I really enjoyed the cartoon and all the interesting fun content. Very different, I loved it, so well done. Did you also do all the drawings? A terrific and informative read. Take care.

johnmariow on June 30, 2017:

Not the ending I was hoping for. Yet it was a very entertaining. Great Poetry!

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on May 04, 2017:

Matty: glad you enjoyed it:-)

Matty Navarro from New Jersey on May 04, 2017:

Loved it!

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on November 15, 2016:

Jo: Me too. Didn't want to be prophetic.

Thanks so much for your viewership.

Jo Miller from Tennessee on November 15, 2016:

I would have thought this brilliant, funny a few weeks ago. But the election happened. Now I just find it depressing.

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on July 23, 2016:

Cynthia: thanks for such a kind write up:-)

Cynthia Calhoun from Western NC on July 23, 2016:

What an amazing, brilliant piece! And to think, all those fables we heard as kids - we're illustrating exactly what not to do. I love how you pull in all the themes from current events and weave them into a tale that we all need to read as a bedtime story to remember our humanity....

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on June 29, 2016:

Jo Lim: thanks for the feedback.

Jo Lim on June 29, 2016:

Great illustration and nice tale. Thumbs up for the hard work. Be crazy at least once in your lifetime, so you will never regret =)

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on March 13, 2016:

I try to do something. I hope I'm crazy.

David Hunt from Cedar Rapids, Iowa on March 12, 2016:

Wow. I know things looked bad when you first published this, but the national and global situations keep getting worse. Terrific, thought-provoking and plenty of clever poetry.

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on January 17, 2016:

Thanks so much for the kind words.

O from New York on January 17, 2016:

Fun illustrations that's what got me! And the Grinch has always been one of my favorite characters, I enjoyed this hub :) Keep them coming!

-Rabadi

Gable Rhoads from North Dakota on January 17, 2016:

Wonderful!

I was going to ask if you had made an e-book, but others beat me to it.

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on December 31, 2015:

Kylyssa: I love your review. So kind. Too kined. Thank you:-)

Kylyssa Shay from Overlooking a meadow near Grand Rapids, Michigan, USA on December 30, 2015:

I love the satire mixed with Seussian rhyme. You've captured that children's storybook feel with the illustrations, which makes the whole thing more dark and sinister. Well done.

Nadine May from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa on November 28, 2015:

You do have a gift with words Larry

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on November 16, 2015:

Road Monkey: thanks so much for chiming in. Glad you found it of interest.

RoadMonkey on November 16, 2015:

Very good satire. I enjoyed it, unfortunately.

I just hope there are not enough left to buy his "stuff"

and then that old grynch will no longer have enough!

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on October 30, 2015:

Peony: thanks so much for the positive feedback. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

Peony on October 30, 2015:

I loved this from start to finish, wonderfully sardonic. Aaand I also like the illustrations (I majored in Illustration at art school, ha!), I personally find the sketchy style actually complimentary of the writing!

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on October 22, 2015:

Reynold: thanks so much for the feedback.

Reynold Jay from Saginaw, Michigan on October 22, 2015:

You did a lot of work with the art too, Larry. It is a great way to put across your message. I have a Dr. Seuss 3D movie that surprised me that it was full of messages ( like yours) Well done.

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on October 04, 2015:

Gilbert: thanks so much for the kind words and the follow.

Gilbert Arevalo from Hacienda Heights, California on October 03, 2015:

I loved your wonderful illustrations and your take on the Grinch is hilarious.

sujaya venkatesh on October 03, 2015:

what pics for Grynch

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on September 15, 2015:

Joan: I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

Joan King on September 15, 2015:

I enjoyed reading your take on the Grinch and the beautiful illustrations

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on September 06, 2015:

Flourish Anyway: thanks for the thoughtful comments.

FlourishAnyway from USA on September 02, 2015:

Wow! From those references to Ayn Rand to the horror of electing a girl, this is outta this world creative!

peachy from Home Sweet Home on August 27, 2015:

i love your drawings very artistic

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on August 25, 2015:

Rebecca: So glad you enjoyed it.

Rebecca Mealey from Northeastern Georgia, USA on August 25, 2015:

How creative! A great piece of work. I am sure Theodor Seuss Geisel would approve wholeheartedly!

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on August 23, 2015:

Bobby: would Animal Farm be a better book with a happy ending?;-)

Thanks for dropping by. I'm always glad to hear from you.

Robert Morgan from Hutchinson Island, FL - Myrtle Beach, SC - Gilbert AZ on August 23, 2015:

Hi, Larry, Ok, what happened to the happy ending? Maybe you could write another version with a happy ending, lol. I love your graphics, and you are an excellent storyteller and excellent hub. Best to you, Bobby.

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on August 23, 2015:

Deb: it would have been a good idea to make him look like the Donald, and he would have been easy to caricature, especially with that ridiculous "hair."

How do I say this? My official stance is the same as Hollywood's: any resemblance between my character and peoples living or deceased is purely coincidental.

On an unrelated not, There are people that are even worse than Donald Trump that a person might do a composite caricature of in a story like this.

On another unrelated note, it is a fairly common practice in satire to leave clues as to who you are satirizing in the artwork, rather than come out and say who they are.

Deb Hirt from Stillwater, OK on August 23, 2015:

This will be reality if Donald Trump becomes President. Perhaps you should make your Grynch look like him.

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on August 22, 2015:

Jackie: thanks. You're too kind.

Jackie Lynnley from the beautiful south on August 22, 2015:

I agree with John; a wonderful story and as an artist you top it right off!

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on August 21, 2015:

Say Yes to Life: thanks for the kind words.

Yoleen Lucas from Big Island of Hawaii on August 21, 2015:

Very clever!

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on August 19, 2015:

Just the Messenger: thanks for the thoughtful comments.

James C Moore from The Great Midwest on August 19, 2015:

This should be required reading for all those who blame their problems on everyone who don't look like or think like them.

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on August 19, 2015:

Alicia: thanks so much for the positive feedback. It is always such a pleasure when you drop by.

Linda Crampton from British Columbia, Canada on August 19, 2015:

This is an awesome hub, Larry! I love the poem and the art. I agree with Bill - this is my favourite hub of yours out of all the ones that I've read so far. You are very creative and have put a lot of work into this hub. I'll share it on Facebook.

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on August 18, 2015:

Shyron: thanks so much for the kind words. I'm always glad to help any way I can.

Shyron E Shenko from Texas on August 18, 2015:

Larry, I love your book, I will be back, you have given me an idea for drawing a child’s book for my great grand kids. I wish you could draw me some time to work on it.

Voted up, UABI and shared

Blessings my friend

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on August 18, 2015:

Mel: thanks so much for the positive feedback. I always value your opinion.

Mel Carriere from San Diego California on August 18, 2015:

You just condensed the entire history of the United States in this brilliant little parody of the Grinch, but without a happy ending. No happy Whos holding hands and singing on Christmas morning. I applaud you for your great poem and brilliant artwork. Great hub!

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on August 18, 2015:

Temptor: wonderful comment.

I don't want people to think I believe things have to turn out badly. In the long run the people actually always win. But things can sure get ugly before we do. I would like to avoid that.

temptor94 on August 18, 2015:

What a beautiful parody, and your illustrations are awesome!

Though we look for happy endings, the truth is that the bad guys win far too often. Our society is ruled by the pseudo-psychos who create chaos to benefit from it. Great writing!

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on August 18, 2015:

Miz Bejabbers: I always appreciate your comments. The healthcare issue is a great example of a thing the masses are duped into being scared of. I get so disgusted with people only supporting things that help them at the moment. Affordable healthcare programs have worked in pretty much every country they've been implemented in, but certain powers do everything they can to try to make it look like they won't work here.

Doris James MizBejabbers from Beautiful South on August 18, 2015:

Larry, this is a great parody of today's society. It is funny, but the underlying tale is not funny. Our society is being herded like sheep into Not-ville. I see sheeple saying daily in our newspaper about how horrible our government is because it is trying to help people (especially the Affordable Care Act). These same people who are benefiting from the handouts are biting the hand that is feeding them. What will they do when they've bitten the hand off?

Your illustrations are great, and I agree with the other commentators about this piece. You wouldn't want the illustrations perfect. Voted up++

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on August 17, 2015:

Dr. BJ: thanks so much for the positive feedback.

drbj and sherry from south Florida on August 17, 2015:

Extraordinarily creative piece, Larry, which tragically may reflect today's world. This one had to take a lotta time and effort. Your illustration (#2) of the Grynch is great.

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on August 17, 2015:

Art Diva: thanks so much for the kind words.

I would love to publish, and it would take collaboration. I hope my artwork is fun and entertaining, but I don't even pretend to be a professional. Would be fun to see how an actual artist could improve and extend my artistic interpretations of the story.

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on August 17, 2015:

Bill: I'm glad you thought a lot of it. It was way more of an undertaking than I thought it would be. It started as an idea to satirize the the wealthy elite in a parody of Dr. Seuss's Grinch tale. It ended a few months later having driven myself half insane trying to get all the details right:-)

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on August 17, 2015:

Mary: such a wonderful compliment. Whenever you can catch people's attention enough to get them to read more than once, it is a good feeling.

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on August 17, 2015:

Fat Boy Thin: thanks so much for the feedback.

ArtDiva on August 17, 2015:

Larry, This is so wonderfully creative, and so well versed. You should look into publication, collaborate with an illustrator, sometimes matched up by the publisher.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on August 17, 2015:

This is a thing of beauty, Larry! Your best work to date and a joy to read. This is what writing is all about.

Mary Hyatt from Florida on August 17, 2015:

I am just speechless at your masterpiece!! I read it three times from start to finish. Will share here and other places, too.

Voted UP, etc. What talent you have; not only for the drawings, but for the moral of the whole story. Thanks!

Colin Garrow from Inverbervie, Scotland on August 17, 2015:

Wonderfully Not-funny, Not-witty and especially Not-clever. What I'd call a Not-Great Hub.

But seriously:

Well done, Mr L

A fun-loving tale

Of Not-folk and Grinches

And a moral - all hail!

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on August 17, 2015:

Buildreps: thanks for the positive feedback.

Buildreps from Europe on August 17, 2015:

A true masterpiece, Larry! You certainly have talents. Maybe the bad guy can turn into a good guy again? To make a happy ending?

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on August 17, 2015:

Jodah: thanks for the information.

John Hansen from Queensland Australia on August 17, 2015:

I am sure the story would do very well. It could be worth your while to investigate hiring an artist to illustrate it. Check out "fiverr , you may be surprised at the price you can get one for there. I can draw but Illustrating a whole story book is just a bit beyond my scope. Good luck.

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on August 17, 2015:

Jodah: I put it together in picture book form, but no, it hasn't been published. Put a lot of time into it. I'm not an artist, so even getting things to look somewhat passable was a great struggle.

I'm glad you enjoyed it. I went with the sad ending, because the bad guys so often seem to win.

Thanks so much for the thoughtful comments.

John Hansen from Queensland Australia on August 17, 2015:

Wow what a great tale Larry. I was waiting for a happy ending where the "nots" overcame the Grynch but it didn't happen. There is sadly a close comparison with our society today and we need to all take a stand so our voices will be heard by our Governments. Voted up. Have you published this as a book?