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How to Ride a Chill to a Thrill

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It is the last day of September

Exactly one month before Halloween

It doesn't seem to matter

The air got colder

As the day turned darker and just a bit rainy

Enough to make the old bones ache a little

My cat charlotte greeting me the same way she always does

She comes running to the door

Except this time she is awfully quiet

No sound at all

Not the slightest meow

Has a cat got your tongue

Little did I know

That could be true

As I went on about my business

Getting home after a busy day at work

I had no time for the computer

No time to eat either

I wanted to hop in a shower

And wash all my cares down the drain

As I looked at the unmade bed

With the covers thrown about

One pillow on it's side

Another pillow flipped on it's back

As if I was seeing complete caos

We left early this morning

I had to work at nine A.M.

My wife and I both went to bed at 2:20

We both got very little sleep

I remember glancing at the clock just before we both drifted off to a deep sleep

I was the first to get up

I started to cook scrambled eggs for breakfast

I cut up some strawberries to go with the watermelon

Probably the last of the season

I toasted a blueberry muffin

As I watched it brown in a frying pan

I wondered why it took so long

After we ate

I rushed to shave

That was my first mistake

As I moved the razor a little too high

I swiped down to get those pesky little hairs

In the toughest places

Instead I caught the corner of my nose

I knew as soon as I did it

The blood started to bubble

For a few seconds I watched and then I began to stare

I got a tissue and applied pressure

Which has always worked in the past

The blood began to ooze out

When I removed the piece of tissue

It still poured out like a little spring

Not to worry I have a nick stick

Which is used for this particular reason

It stings a little

I think it has alcohol mixed with something else

The blood usually stops within seconds

So I look at the tip of the nick stick

It turned from white to red

That's strange

I don't remember that happening before

I called out to my wife

I did it this time

I nicked the corner of my nose real good

My wife looked at me

Raised her eye brows

All I could see is her big brown eyes

Looking right at me


Yes really

You act like I am making it up

The blood now didn't stop

It pooled down across my upper lip

I reached for a piece of toilet paper

Quickly not to get blood on my work shirt

I held it there

I knew

This is how it's done

I know that all of a sudden it would stop

Why didn't it

It is suppose to stop

I will try it again

Then once more

It has finally stopped bleeding

Bloody tissues everywhere

Wow that is really dark red blood

Now I have what looks like dried blood on my face

So what do I do

I take a wet face cloth to wipe off the blood

Thinking the actual cut will be a lot smaller

As I take a closer look

The cut goes all the way under the bridge of my nose

Who does that ?

My wife looks at me with a blank stare

As if to say

Are you really asking

How foolish can you be?

It took only a fraction of a second

To come up with an answer

I mumbled and grumbled to myself

The cut started to bleed even more this time

Why did you go mess with it

I had to do something

Well that isn't what you are suppose to do

You leave it alone

Of course your going to reopen the cut

I am thinking more like a gash

An open wound

I began thinking

How much blood can one person bleed ?

Before they pass out ?

Will I know just moments before ?

Lights out

As I hit my head on the floor

When I come crashing down

Like a ton of bricks

I always liked that line

Will I be able to call out for help ?

Will I have sense enough to sit down ?

I drive the car in the morning

My wife usually takes a nap

If I am driving while I pass out

Will my foot accelerate on the gas pedal

With both of us crashing

Should I let my wife know

Tell her now

I can't drive

I am bleeding too much

What will my wife's answer be

From shaving are you serious ?

From that little cut

It wasn't so little after all

Was it missy?

This is one for the Guiness Book Of World Records

I always thought it would be cool to have your name listed

This is not what I had planned

Man cuts himself shaving

And bleeds to death

A little dramatic don't you think

This morning the air was brisk

The air had a nasty bite to it

It is only in the low 60's

You act like the weather dropped down to freezing cold temperatures

As my mind raced with thoughts

My whole life flashed in front of me

Just yesterday Hugh Heffner died

He was 91

I am too young to die

Then my wife text me later today

Monty Hall died

He was 96

So if I got my wife's text later in the day

That means I must not have died that morning

But I could of died that night

Now that is crazy thinking

See what happens when you hear about people dying

There is an old saying deaths happen in threes

I don't want to be the person who died on day after Hugh

The same day as Monte Hall

Well at least it will be easy for everyone else to know

Dying with two celebrities

I am not famous

I never wanted to be famous

You know some writers become famous after they die

When nobody cared when they were alive

That is sad

Well as I wipe my nose

Because I got that instant itch

Ouch that smarts that's where I cut it this morning

I automatically went to rub

Without thinking

I am alive

Am I looking at my future self what I would be doing ?

Like in Scrooge

I watch way too much t.v.

That's it

No more t.v. for me

Now that is a little drastic don't you think

O.k. less than I watched before

Remember you don't watch much anyway

Because you wanted to spend most of your time writing

The screen turned all blurry

I reached for those reading glasses on the kitchen table

No these are too strong

They were given to me

They are too powerful

I have to give them to someone else

I have a pair in my gym bag

They are a pair I like

I go over to my bag tucked in the corner of the kitchen

I pull out the glasses I was looking for

They are dirty

I went to clean them last time

I never got around to it

I passed my cat Charlotte

Sitting right by my bag

As I reached into my bag

Didn't I just walk right through her

No that couldn't happen

That's impossible and ridiculous

She didn't move or make a sound

I looked at the kitchen clock

It is now ten minutes of eleven

My wife worked all day

She will be getting out soon

I just ate another blueberry muffin tonight

There are six in a package

My wife said don't buy them

I am only going to have one

You will have to eat the rest

She knows I will put them on the counter and forget all about them

So that's why we had muffins this morning and me a muffin now

Maybe my muffin is poisonous

Like wild mushrooms

Do you know you can't tell a poisonous mushroom from a good one ?

They look exactly a like

You only know after you eat it

You have to trust the person growing them

I read that the day before yesterday

Out of all the things to remember

I don't know why that stayed with me

Maybe the muffin was laced with drugs

Now I am hallucinating

Maybe it is a writers way of just killing some time

Writing one story while thinking of another

Keeping up with the Halloween spirit

I kind a spooked myself with this one

After this I am sticking to comedy

That is so much more fun

And a lot less stress

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