How to Ride a Chill to a Thrill
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It is the last day of September
Exactly one month before Halloween
It doesn't seem to matter
The air got colder
As the day turned darker and just a bit rainy
Enough to make the old bones ache a little
My cat charlotte greeting me the same way she always does
She comes running to the door
Except this time she is awfully quiet
No sound at all
Not the slightest meow
Has a cat got your tongue
Little did I know
That could be true
As I went on about my business
Getting home after a busy day at work
I had no time for the computer
No time to eat either
I wanted to hop in a shower
And wash all my cares down the drain
As I looked at the unmade bed
With the covers thrown about
One pillow on it's side
Another pillow flipped on it's back
As if I was seeing complete caos
We left early this morning
I had to work at nine A.M.
My wife and I both went to bed at 2:20
We both got very little sleep
I remember glancing at the clock just before we both drifted off to a deep sleep
I was the first to get up
I started to cook scrambled eggs for breakfast
I cut up some strawberries to go with the watermelon
Probably the last of the season
I toasted a blueberry muffin
As I watched it brown in a frying pan
I wondered why it took so long
After we ate
I rushed to shave
That was my first mistake
As I moved the razor a little too high
I swiped down to get those pesky little hairs
In the toughest places
Instead I caught the corner of my nose
I knew as soon as I did it
The blood started to bubble
For a few seconds I watched and then I began to stare
I got a tissue and applied pressure
Which has always worked in the past
The blood began to ooze out
When I removed the piece of tissue
It still poured out like a little spring
Not to worry I have a nick stick
Which is used for this particular reason
It stings a little
I think it has alcohol mixed with something else
The blood usually stops within seconds
So I look at the tip of the nick stick
It turned from white to red
That's strange
I don't remember that happening before
I called out to my wife
I did it this time
I nicked the corner of my nose real good
My wife looked at me
Raised her eye brows
All I could see is her big brown eyes
Looking right at me
Really
Yes really
You act like I am making it up
The blood now didn't stop
It pooled down across my upper lip
I reached for a piece of toilet paper
Quickly not to get blood on my work shirt
I held it there
I knew
This is how it's done
I know that all of a sudden it would stop
Why didn't it
It is suppose to stop
I will try it again
Then once more
It has finally stopped bleeding
Bloody tissues everywhere
Wow that is really dark red blood
Now I have what looks like dried blood on my face
So what do I do
I take a wet face cloth to wipe off the blood
Thinking the actual cut will be a lot smaller
As I take a closer look
The cut goes all the way under the bridge of my nose
Who does that ?
My wife looks at me with a blank stare
As if to say
Are you really asking
How foolish can you be?
It took only a fraction of a second
To come up with an answer
I mumbled and grumbled to myself
The cut started to bleed even more this time
Why did you go mess with it
I had to do something
Well that isn't what you are suppose to do
You leave it alone
Of course your going to reopen the cut
I am thinking more like a gash
An open wound
I began thinking
How much blood can one person bleed ?
Before they pass out ?
Will I know just moments before ?
Lights out
As I hit my head on the floor
When I come crashing down
Like a ton of bricks
I always liked that line
Will I be able to call out for help ?
Will I have sense enough to sit down ?
I drive the car in the morning
My wife usually takes a nap
If I am driving while I pass out
Will my foot accelerate on the gas pedal
With both of us crashing
Should I let my wife know
Tell her now
I can't drive
I am bleeding too much
What will my wife's answer be
From shaving are you serious ?
From that little cut
It wasn't so little after all
Was it missy?
This is one for the Guiness Book Of World Records
I always thought it would be cool to have your name listed
This is not what I had planned
Man cuts himself shaving
And bleeds to death
A little dramatic don't you think
This morning the air was brisk
The air had a nasty bite to it
It is only in the low 60's
You act like the weather dropped down to freezing cold temperatures
As my mind raced with thoughts
My whole life flashed in front of me
Just yesterday Hugh Heffner died
He was 91
I am too young to die
Then my wife text me later today
Monty Hall died
He was 96
So if I got my wife's text later in the day
That means I must not have died that morning
But I could of died that night
Now that is crazy thinking
See what happens when you hear about people dying
There is an old saying deaths happen in threes
I don't want to be the person who died on day after Hugh
The same day as Monte Hall
Well at least it will be easy for everyone else to know
Dying with two celebrities
I am not famous
I never wanted to be famous
You know some writers become famous after they die
When nobody cared when they were alive
That is sad
Well as I wipe my nose
Because I got that instant itch
Ouch that smarts that's where I cut it this morning
I automatically went to rub
Without thinking
I am alive
Am I looking at my future self what I would be doing ?
Like in Scrooge
I watch way too much t.v.
That's it
No more t.v. for me
Now that is a little drastic don't you think
O.k. less than I watched before
Remember you don't watch much anyway
Because you wanted to spend most of your time writing
The screen turned all blurry
I reached for those reading glasses on the kitchen table
No these are too strong
They were given to me
They are too powerful
I have to give them to someone else
I have a pair in my gym bag
They are a pair I like
I go over to my bag tucked in the corner of the kitchen
I pull out the glasses I was looking for
They are dirty
I went to clean them last time
I never got around to it
I passed my cat Charlotte
Sitting right by my bag
As I reached into my bag
Didn't I just walk right through her
No that couldn't happen
That's impossible and ridiculous
She didn't move or make a sound
I looked at the kitchen clock
It is now ten minutes of eleven
My wife worked all day
She will be getting out soon
I just ate another blueberry muffin tonight
There are six in a package
My wife said don't buy them
I am only going to have one
You will have to eat the rest
She knows I will put them on the counter and forget all about them
So that's why we had muffins this morning and me a muffin now
Maybe my muffin is poisonous
Like wild mushrooms
Do you know you can't tell a poisonous mushroom from a good one ?
They look exactly a like
You only know after you eat it
You have to trust the person growing them
I read that the day before yesterday
Out of all the things to remember
I don't know why that stayed with me
Maybe the muffin was laced with drugs
Now I am hallucinating
Maybe it is a writers way of just killing some time
Writing one story while thinking of another
Keeping up with the Halloween spirit
I kind a spooked myself with this one
After this I am sticking to comedy
That is so much more fun
And a lot less stress