The ringing of a mobile, I keep hearing it and then when I pick up the mobile, there is no missed call. I keep staring at it, checking the call log but the last call I received was a month ago. I check for the text messages. But there is none from my contacts other than the sim company whose sim I am using. Those useless messages, telling about different packages the company has to offer. I put my mobile back. Disappointed. I have been feeling this for quite a time, like someone's calling me, the mobile is ringing, the doorbell being clicked multiple times but when I check there is nothing at all.
At nights I feel like somebody is crying with sobs. But there is no one at all. I am all alone or maybe lonely. I pass through an ocean of thoughts all at once, going into the depths, memories mostly. At first they seem like mere series of events in the past but then as i descend further, navigating the depths, they appear more real. It is like the speed has slowed down suddenly and the world is stopping and letting me enter back and relive. I stare now. I hear everything more clearly now. And the vision is no more hazy. I stare at me standing, talking to her. I am shouting suddenly and i break the glass in my hand, blood starts to ooze out, she is horrified and runs to cover my hand but i push her back with the blood red hand and her shirt's sleeve gets stained. I staring at myself, I ask myself to stop and hold her. But I don't listen to myself. Within a blink of eye, i am back to reality. The travel from present to events of past seems a long journey and tired me but she is calling for me. She is screaming. I don't know what to do. My head is spinning. The couch at the right corner gets hold of me.
I see myself waking up and getting ready. She comes to pick me up. We laugh. She talks. But then suddenly I see fire and she is gone. Then I see her washing the dishes and asking me if i want to have pasta for dinner. she teases me. But then everything gets quiet. I see here and there but she is not there anymore. I search the whole house turning things upside down, i start sweating and feel like my surroundings are fading. I am in a world where there is no noise, no sound now. And I am flying high. But then I am thrashed back to reality. I am wide awake and listening to the bells ringing and she moving in front of me, when I call her she doesn't respond. What is it. Is it my mind playing games with me or she is playing hide and seek but this seeking is like something to keep running at but when you get closer and are about to get hold of it, it disappears. Sounds like a mirage in a desert. Maybe. The subtleties of things and yet the vagueness is driving me crazy. I want to shout for help but when i open my mouth to speak, noise from outside masks my voice and nobody listens or maybe i just move my lips without really bothering my voice box. All of this sounds lame at times but the events all mesmerize me sometimes so much that I lose count of time and the place where i am and the inner me says that I am having hallucillusions..
© 2020 Osman Ghazi