This is the seventh time that I’m taking care of granny. It is quite mentally straining. I mean a woman that has been through everything. She has travelled the world, she has succeeded in what she does and now she is left to whither her days away stuck in a small apartment where she can’t even make a sandwich for herself. It really makes a person think. You go through your entire life thinking you are capable of doing everything, that you don’t need any ones help, but in the last breath of life you find yourself wanting to do things by yourself, you want to do the most remedial things but you can’t.
You are left to wait. Waiting for people to do every last thing for you. You would find yourself having dreams about standing up and picking up that pillow annoying you on the other side of the room. You have fantasies of making a cup of coffee by yourself, stirring the milk, listening to the sound of the spoon hitting against the cup. Your dreams and thoughts are all focused around the little things that you took for granted. This is why it is important to appreciate the smallest of things.
And by small I mean things like getting into bed or brushing your teeth by yourself. Things that you don’t even think are amazing, but in actual fact are. I watch my granny as she struggles to put the toothpaste on her toothbrush and how she tires herself out opening the facet. It makes me realize that eventually there will be a time where the ultimate struggle will come and this struggle is regret. Regretting to appreciate the insignificant things that before, felt minor on the scale of achievement. However, I watch my granny moaning and asking me to do ever last chore; it tires me. Not physically but mentally. I can’t help think of the future and when I too will be struggling to get up off a couch that I’ve been sitting in for the last 4 hours. But I push through because I love my granny.
Even though she never once says thank you when I do something like make her coffee or bring her dinner. It’s not as if she whispers the words I love you, but I’m still persistent because at the end of the day, when I’ve washed her down, changed her diaper, clothed her and placed her gently into bed she says “Thank you my darling” and that little statement that creeps out of her cracked lips makes my soul smile and makes it all worth it. The slight words that mumble out of her mouth as she puts her head slowly on the pillow as I walk away, makes me want to do it all again.
© 2018 Lara-Jayne