Monday 31st May
Weight 11 ½ stone. Brian away!
Go to supermarket – buy:
7 Diet Demons frozen suppers
7 Diet Demons frozen puddings
7 Diet Demons yoghurts
Cottage cheese (flavoured ones – plain stuff revolting)
Bottle white wine
What’s App Girls & invite to Sunday lunch. Offer to collect from station – remember to buy extra laundry tablets. Lou…’Look forward to it.’ Em… ‘Can u lend me train fare?’
Vacuum and spray Brian’s chair – air the snug.
Pop to chemist – info on weight loss and diabetes for Brian.
Monday 7th June
Weight 11 stone. Brian home!
Pop to chemist for leaflet on alcohol and diabetes for Brian. New Pharmacist, Julia, V.V. helpful.
Pressure wash patio.
Give Guinea Pig + cage + straw + feed to Jack at number 5. Jack delighted – mother, not so much.
Buy anything that’s not a Diet Demons ready meal.
Joint for Sun. Lamb?
Two bottles of wine for Sun.
Brian’s stuff for lads’ afternoon:
24 strong lagers.
3 packs cheesy Nachos.
What’s App, Lou, Em…
‘Don’t forget Sunday lunch – 1.30. When do your trains get in?’
Thursday 10th June
Drop Brian’s insulin prescription to chemist. Ask Julia for info on diabetes and heart disease.
Buy another 24 lagers as first lot almost gone.
Sandwich stuff for lads’ afternoon (Nachos not enough). Fillings? Arsenic? Cyanide?
Don’t forget Summer Fete meeting (sigh).
Monday 14th June
Weight 10 stone 10lbs.
Collect Brian’s insulin.
Feed left-over lamb to next door’s dogs over fence – shame both daughters had something on and ‘forgot’ to let me know. Feed roasties to birds.
Sit on freshly cut grass and drink bottle white wine.
Give goldfish to local Primary School (+ gravel + food + spare pump).
Ring marquee companies re Summer Fete – write info down as bit sloshed.
Both dresses to cleaners ?Which one for Summer Fete Ball. Red – comfy not exciting. Blue – v. sexy, too tight.
Thursday 17th June
Fete Committee – feedback marquee quotes. Dave’s Tents (‘erections daily!’) wins.
Book same band as last year as v. good. Shame Brain spent evening drunk and snoring in corner.
Visit Pharmacy – ask Julia about cure for my headaches.
No wine – will get fatter!
Buy 24 strong lagers for lads’ afternoon on Saturday. Hide these.
Buy beef – lads want hot roast beef sandwiches. Try not to mind when they call me ‘Luv.’
Sit in garden, practise massage techniques that Julia showed me for headaches.
Monday 21st June
Weight 10 stone 7 lbs – V.V. good, but still feel fat.
Collect dresses from cleaners. Still can only get one thigh into sexy blue number.
What’s App girls…
Both ‘Absolutely devastated’ that goldfish and Mr Whistles have gone, despite obvious boredom with same. Lou sniffling a lot…
Brian’s beer – hide in boot of car.
Buy self a couple of Diet Demons ready meals – am getting sick of salad.
Asparagus on offer – buy two bunches. White wine.
Napkins for summer Fete – need to be matching?
Remind self not to get roped into organising Fete next year…
Chat to Julia re massage for headaches and get ‘How to Stop Drinking’ leaflet for Brian.
Cut grass, weed borders. Reward self with two (quite large) glasses wine and good book.
Tune out loud snoring and TV noise coming from snug.
Thursday 24th June
Supermarket Again ☹:
More beer, Brian found last lot.
BBQ stuff for Sat lads’ afternoon.
Sod it! – buy family size bar of chocolate for self.
Try not to mind that Brian laughs when Lecherous Len grabs my backside and says ‘Whoar’ at every opportunity.
Make separate list for Summer Fete meeting.
Monday 28th June
Weight 10 stone 5 lbs – disappointing. Shouldn’t have had chocolate.
Book tea urn from WI for Fete.
Clean burnt on grease from BBQ & throw cremated sausages to next door’s dog.
Beer – double amount. No point hiding it, Brian too good at searching. BBQ stuff for Saturday lads’ afternoon.
Chat with Julia re health supplements and diabetes.
A4 watercolour pad
New watercolours – old ones dried up and useless
What’s App girls for chat – any chance of a visit soon? Lou…’Busy.’ Em…’Er, not sure what I’m up to this week.’
Saturday 3rd July
Leave Brian instructions for ‘How to BBQ’ & list of where the food is – ‘Fridge = big silver humming thing in corner…’
Pack paint stuff & picnic blanket.
Find secluded spot above Tilney Copse to paint – not as out of practice as I thought!
Monday 5th July
Weight ten stone 1 lbs Yay! Can wriggle into sexy blue number but can’t do zip (or sit down).
Think about clearing up mess (Brian vomit still evidence in en-suite) but go into town instead.
Long chat with Julia re depression & diabetes – useful leaflets.
Wander into Library and book weekend course on watercolour painting for 18th July to cheer self up after Summer Fete.
Have tribal tattoo done between shoulder blades. Spur of movement – looks V.V. sexy now not so fat. Am probably having mid-life crisis.
What’s App girls and tell them about tattoo. Lou…’OMG! You’ve had a Tramp Stamp!!!’ Em…’You’re acting really weird, Mum.’
Do supermarket tomorrow – not up to it today – two lots beer, plus bottle vodka and BBQ stuff for Brian and lads.
Vaseline for tattoo V.V. sore.
Monday 12th July
Weight 9 stone 11 lbs!
Try blue dress – looks fantastic, shows off tattoo.
Finalise stuff for Fete, then spend all day in town, browsing – buy couple of bits.
Tackle mess left from Saturday – don’t make very good job of it.
Plenty of salad and Diet Demons meals – final push before Fete.
Brian’s beer, vodka (what happened to last bottle?) & Sambuca, plus BBQ stuff – lads making most of Fete weekend and hot weather.
Chat to Julia – find leaflets on suicide & diabetes.
What’s App girls – not got over tattoo.
Fantastic time at Ball. Lost another 2 lbs. Julia was there, joined her and few others for coffee after. Left Brian at Marquee – getting V.V. loud and about to sing Karaoke.
Have lovely lazy day – tackle post BBQ carnage later.
Sunday 18th July
Painting course wonderful – learned lots of new techniques. Find secluded spot above Tilney Copse to set up easel.
Run home. Lots of post Fete/BBQ devastation. Sambuca all over kitchen floor V.V. sticky. Brian in bed snoring. Brian vomit evident in en-suite.
Inject Brian with fatal amount of insulin – leave insulin pen and cartridge strewn on bedclothes.
Scatter self-help leaflets on bedside cabinet/floor.
Run back to painting course – my work highly praised in afternoon session.
On way home stop at supermarket. Pick up smoked salmon, strawberries and Champagne to share in bed with Julia later.
Book flights …