Number Eleven: A Short Fiction Story by John Hansen and Chris Mills

Updated on November 29, 2018
cam8510 profile image

Chris is a writer of short fiction with an occasional poem. John is a poet who also writes short fiction. It's a good balance.

Collaboration

Source

A Short Story Collaboration By John Hansen and Chris Mills

John and I were talking a few days ago here on HubPages and decided to write a story together. This is not the first time we have experimented with collaborative writing. Three or four years ago, John and I answered a challenge by Jennifer Arnett. The result was, Dead Birds Everywhere. That story is now published on The Creative Exiles site if you'd like to read it. John's opening part is at Dead Birds Everywhere

I follow John's lead and end with, Corvidae Corvus, Dead Birds Everywhere

In this story, called Number-Eleven, I took the lead. John followed with the heart of the story, and I wrapped it up. I will clearly mark where each of us picks up the story.

I have enjoyed working with John on these stories. This could potentially be a situation in which egos and tempers took over. But John and I have had nothing but good times working on these stories.

We are posting the entire story here on my site rather than splitting it up according to author. We believe this will allow the story to flow more naturally and will provide the reader with a more enjoyable reading experience.

A Response to Ann Carr's (Annart on HubPages) Challenge

This story is a response to Ann Carr's challenge, Choosing Vocabulary: General Advice;Specific and Diverse Adjectives; 'No!' to 'Nice'! My Challange to You.

Here is the challenge in Ann's words: :Your challenge is to come up with a brilliant description of one of the three photos at the beginning of this hub. Weave that description into a story or poem of some sort. Off you go!"

John and I sincerely hope you enjoy the story and consider doing a bit of collaborative writing with a writer friend.

The Cloister and Courtyard

Source

Number Eleven: Part One by Chris Mills

A lone figure moved from one column to the next through the cloister, pausing at times to make sure he had not been spotted by a passing priest or gardener. Clark wiped his hands on his shirt, but it did nothing to change the fact that he had blood on them.

The nearby courtyard was alive and vibrant as the sun of noontime shined down. There were no shadows save those that were shrunken and hidden beneath the shrubs and statues. The cloister was an altogether different place. Even at this hour, it was bathed in grey tones that muted the brightness of the day, the singing of the birds, and the sounds of the city that surrounded the monastery.

Why had he fled to this place? Why not go to the police? He wasn’t a murderer. It was pure luck that he had wounded his attacker rather than having been killed himself.

Movement caught his eye. A man stumbled into the center of the cloister holding his side where blood stained his shirt. His eyes were wide open in desperation and anger. In his hand, he held the knife Clark had used to deliver the terrible wound.

Clark flattened himself against a pillar. He had been about to enter his hotel room after an early lunch in the company of the lovely woman with whom he had spent the previous night. That is when the man had attacked him with a knife in the hallway. He had managed to wrestle with the stranger and take the knife away. He surprised himself by stabbing the man in the side. Blood gushed onto his hand. He left the knife in the wound and ran.

The monastery gate had been open and Clark bolted through, looking for anyplace to hide so he could gather his wits and decide what to do next. Who was the man who had attacked him? Was it some random act, or had the man sought him out on purpose?

Pelplin Bazylika

Source

A door stood ajar in the wall of the church just twenty feet away. But he would have to cross the cloister to get there. Clark gathered his courage and dashed across the pavement. He heard a grunt as the injured man renewed his pursuit.

Clark slipped through the opening and slammed the heavy door closed. A key protruded out of the keyhole and he turned it just as his pursuers body struck the ornately carved wood. Clark stepped away and looked around the room. He had grown up in the Catholic Church and recognized the confession booth. He entered and sat down to catch his breath.

Several minutes passed until Clark heard someone enter the stall on the other side of the screen. He could barely make out the shape of a head and shoulders. The two men sat in silence. Clark needed to know who was on the other side of the thin wall.

“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. My name is—” Clark faltered—“My name is John Smith, and I have committed a mortal sin.”

Confession Booth or Confessional

Source

Part Two By John Hansen

Atfer what seemed like a prolonged pause...though was probably only a few seconds...the person on the other side of the confessional spoke. "Bless you my son. How long has it been since your last confession?" asked the kindly voice with slight Irish lilt.

Oh...umm...I don't know. Maybe, 12 or 15 years. Forgive me Father, life gets in the way, you understand?" Clark stammered feeling somewhat guilty as well as anxious.

The priest cut him off, in fact starting to sound somewhat impatient, "So, tell me about this mortal sin you say you committed."

Clark recounted the unprovoked attack at the hotel, and how he had stabbed the man in self-defense. "Father, I assure you I have never deliberately harmed anyone before in my life!" he pleaded, "In fact, I wouldn't hurt a fly. I can't believe this happened."

"Are you certain you did nothing to anger someone or else cause them to hold a grudge? asked the priest. "Owe them money, maybe...or...steal their woman?" he added after a pause in a more sarcastic tone.

Clark's thoughts had been muddled until now, but the priest's last statement turned on a light bulb in his head. That was no priest on the other side of the wall.

Source

Clark threw back the curtain in one swift movement and raced out of the booth, but before he could flee he was tackled to the ground from behind. A knife blade flashed as the bloody hand holding it raised above Clark's head.

Frantic for his life for the second time today, Clark twisted his body, making his assailant, unbalanced and grabbed his wrist. "Lord Help Me!" he yelled.

The struggling continued, but Clark felt himself weakening under the weight and fury of his attacker. Then, suddenly, there was a loud rumble. Both combatants turned their heads toward the sound...but too late! A large statue of the Virgin Mary standing at one side of the pulpit came crashing down on Clark's attacker, crushing his head like a watermelon.

In shock, Clark dragged himself from under the debris of the statue and the prone, mangled body of his attacker.

Click thumbnail to view full-size
Source

Part Three by Chris Mills

Just behind where the statue of Mary had been located, stood the woman with whom Clark had spent the previous night.

“Hello again,” said the woman.

“You saved my life.”

“I did, didn’t I?”

“You murdered a man.”

“Yes, I did.”

“In the House of God.”

“It is so.”

“Why?”

I have, up to this moment, slain ten of my ex-partners because they were not the kind of men with whom I wanted to spend my precious time.

“And their faults were…?”

“Oh, jealousy, hum-buggery, which is to say, no fun. Chauvinistic, arrogant, Insecure, and anything but a real man. They simply didn’t know what to do with a real woman. Do you?”

“Well, I put my best foot...or whatever... forward last night. But anyway, I will not be a part of a murder.

“OK, so now what.”

“I’m leaving, that’s what.”

Clark opened the door and stepped outside. Before he could close it, the woman got the last word.

“Good bye—number eleven."

Clark left the monastery glancing over his shoulder as he walked.

Source

Questions & Answers

    © 2018 Chris Mills

    Comments

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      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        7 months ago from Dallas, Texas through August 23, 2019.

        Thanks, Lawrence. It was fun watching the story take shape. John is a tremendous talent to work with.

      • Jodah profile image

        John Hansen 

        7 months ago from Queensland Australia

        Thank you, Lawrence. I love collaborating with Chris. Glad you enjoyed this.

      • lawrence01 profile image

        Lawrence Hebb 

        7 months ago from Hamilton, New Zealand

        Chris and John

        The integration was seamless. Really well written, I really enjoyed the story.

      • Jodah profile image

        John Hansen 

        8 months ago from Queensland Australia

        Thank you, Linda. Chris and I do seem to work well together, and I think there will be more collaborations.

      • AliciaC profile image

        Linda Crampton 

        8 months ago from British Columbia, Canada

        This was a great collaboration. The two parts of the story matched each other very well. Thanks to both of you for creating an interesting tale.

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        8 months ago from Dallas, Texas through August 23, 2019.

        Rodric, John and I have already talked and something will be coming out in time. We appreciate your interest in our work and your encouragement.

      • Rodric29 profile image

        Rodric Anthony 

        8 months ago from Peoria, Arizona

        Chris, I forget you guys have lives other than to entertain me with more collaboration. I am thankful that you would even consider it. You guys are awesome on this story.

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        8 months ago from Dallas, Texas through August 23, 2019.

        manatita, thank you for reading our story. As always, your thoughts and opinion are highly valued.

      • manatita44 profile image

        manatita44 

        8 months ago from london

        You both did well. I loved this story and the end too. Not much more to say. I think you both did excellent pieces. Superb!

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        8 months ago from Dallas, Texas through August 23, 2019.

        Rodric, Aren't you the ambitious one? John and I will have to look at our other writing commitments. But I'm all in favor of more stories in the future.

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        8 months ago from Dallas, Texas through August 23, 2019.

        Randy, thanks for stopping by. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        8 months ago from Dallas, Texas through August 23, 2019.

        Sean, we will call it a Po-llaboration. John would have to take the lead on that, but I would certainly give it a try.Thanks for reading and for the idea.

      • Rodric29 profile image

        Rodric Anthony 

        8 months ago from Peoria, Arizona

        Soooooo. Is there going to be a follow-up story? It would be great if there were. Maybe make two more follow-up stories so that each of you can have one on your profiles? Just a suggestion, an insistent one.

      • Jodah profile image

        John Hansen 

        8 months ago from Queensland Australia

        Thank you, Shauna, and Randy. Your comments are greatly appreciated.

      • Randy Godwin profile image

        Randy Godwin 

        8 months ago from Southern Georgia

        Very interesting, guys! Enjoyed the read.

      • bravewarrior profile image

        Shauna L Bowling 

        8 months ago from Central Florida

        Chris, you and John work well together. Had you not alerted us to the collaboration, I wouldn't have known. This story flowed seamlessly. The ending was quite a surprise. Number Eleven. It's all so clear now.

        Great job you guys!

      • Jodah profile image

        John Hansen 

        8 months ago from Queensland Australia

        Hey Sean, thanks for that. Glad you enjoyed this. Good suggestion too, but have to see what Chris thinks about that one.

      • Sean Dragon profile image

        Ioannis Arvanitis 

        8 months ago from Greece, Almyros

        What could I ask more? Two of my favourites writers combined for a great flash fiction story! Prayers are answered! Ha! Ha!

        My dear brothers thank you for the thrill! I believe you have to try it with poetry too, at John's profile! I'd love to read it!

        God bless your talent!

        Sean

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        8 months ago from Dallas, Texas through August 23, 2019.

        Eric, Sorry about the delayed response to your comment. I went off to youtube to watch the video and didn't come back. I probably stayed on youtube the rest of the evening. Thanks for your comment and for your support.

        Here's a bit of Beatle trivia...not to take away from the video you shared, it was awesome. Did you know that the "Mother Mary" in the song is actually Paul's mother? Shortly after she passed away, she appeared to him in a dream at a troubling time for him. She said, "Everything will be alright, just let it be."

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        8 months ago from Dallas, Texas through August 23, 2019.

        Dora, Thank you for sharing your kind words about our story.

      • Jodah profile image

        John Hansen 

        8 months ago from Queensland Australia

        MsDora, you are too kind. thank you. Glad you enjoyed the story.

      • MsDora profile image

        Dora Weithers 

        8 months ago from The Caribbean

        Two great minds of two expert story tellers on display here! Interesting plot, impressively delivered. Nothing better.

      • Jodah profile image

        John Hansen 

        8 months ago from Queensland Australia

        Thank you Rodric, for the encouraging comment.

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        8 months ago from Dallas, Texas through August 23, 2019.

        Rodric, I appreciate you stopping by to read.

      • Rodric29 profile image

        Rodric Anthony 

        8 months ago from Peoria, Arizona

        This was an interesting and entertaining story. The tale of a black widow murderer. And the ending left us open to the possibility of her getting Clark! God job fellows.

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        8 months ago from Dallas, Texas through August 23, 2019.

        Liz, thank you for taking the time to read John's and my story and for commenting.

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        8 months ago from Dallas, Texas through August 23, 2019.

        Bill, I apprecitate that feedback. Your opinion is a valuable resource to me.

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        8 months ago from Dallas, Texas through August 23, 2019.

        Ann, thanks for your comments on the story. That cloister photo is really a great prompt. I enjoy working with John because I know he will take the story in a very entertaining direction.

      • Jodah profile image

        John Hansen 

        8 months ago from Queensland Australia

        Thank you Liz. much appreciated.

      • Eurofile profile image

        Liz Westwood 

        8 months ago from UK

        This kept me gripped to the end. Great collaboration.

      • Jodah profile image

        John Hansen 

        8 months ago from Queensland Australia

        Hi Ann. Chris said he was currently working on a project that would suit a collaboration and asked if I’d be interested. I was pleasantly surprised when I found out it was a response to your challenge. I loved how Chris set the story up and couldn’t pass up the chance to add to it. Glad you liked it.

      • Jodah profile image

        John Hansen 

        8 months ago from Queensland Australia

        Thank you Eric, glad you enjoyed this. It’s always fun working with Chris. We each take a story into slightly different directions to what the other probably would and I think that makes the story even more interesting. That was a good video version of Let It Be too.

      • billybuc profile image

        Bill Holland 

        8 months ago from Olympia, WA

        My answer to your question, Chris, is right here. This is what you are good at, and this is what you love....GO FOR IT!

      • Ericdierker profile image

        Eric Dierker 

        8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

        Wonderful you guys. This is very interesting how you did it. Not saying you are are interchangeable but in fact here you are. I am saying you two are two of my favorite authors. So what should I have expected.

        I found the climax reminding me of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52-I0V9Dok8

      • annart profile image

        Ann Carr 

        8 months ago from SW England

        What a brilliant story and a fine collaboration, Chris and John!

        I'm so pleased you decided to respond to my challenge, especially in this way. The descriptions were clear and crisp and it was all well-crafted. It obviously doesn't pay to upset a woman! And is Clark going to survive...?

        I love your words, Chris, 'no shadows save those that were shrunken and hidden beneath the shrubs and statues', along with John's build up of the doubt as to the identity of the other man in the confessional, 'starting to sound somewhat impatient' and 'he added after a pause in a more sarcastic tone'. A priest would be neither impatient nor sarcastic so we are alerted by that. Great job!

        I will add this link to my challenge page.

        Ann

      • Jodah profile image

        John Hansen 

        8 months ago from Queensland Australia

        Thank you for suggesting this collaboration, Chris. It was fun to work with you. The photos you added worked perfectly and I am pleased with how the story turned out. I hope to write with you again.

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