Flash Fiction: Who Is This Nearly Naked Adonis?

Updated on July 18, 2018
MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers has been a professional writer/editor for all of her adult life. Before that, she was just a little girl storyteller.

Amtrak station at end of Markham Street on a gloomy day
Amtrak station at end of Markham Street on a gloomy day | Source

Now That's a Sight for Sore Eyes!

He walks fast down Markham Street from the direction of the Salvation Army headquarters. You know, where the homeless eat and sometimes sleep. His bright orange Nikes could be a sign of the homeless, given to him by a charitable organization, but his buzz cut sun-bleached hair says he is not. The homeless can’t afford buzz cuts. Their shaggy unkempt hair usually gives them away. There’s some other stuff about him that adds to his being out of place.

His posture is proudly erect, and his naked tan muscular shoulders almost rival Arnie in his heyday. He wears light beige Bermudas that show his lean tanned legs, and on his back he carries a camouflage backpack. He is stylishly sock-less. Nope, he ain’t no homeless, and it is unlikely that he blew into town on a train. There's no gym around, so he can't be headed there.

This is one helluva looker, if you ladies know what I mean. Hollywood, eat your heart out!

The Amtrack Station is at the dead end of the street in the direction at his back. It’s highly unlikely that he came in on a train shirtless. In fact, he looks as cool and fresh on this 88 degree morning as if he just stepped out of an air conditioned car. Now I’m really curious. Let’s follow him and see if we can find out where he is going.

John Wayne Can't Hold a Candle to Our Guy!

Source

He keeps up the fast pace for a couple more blocks; this isn’t easy going keepin’ up with him, you know. He turns into an alley. Hmmm, let’s enter cautiously now. Driving slowly. Very suspicious like, our subject approaches an old car, a faded dark blue sedan with a few dents. Wait, he is unlocking it. He slips off his bermudas to reveal short red swim trunks. He gets in and drives off. Glad I didn’t get out of my car to follow him. I take off behind him, staying just a few cars behind.

Gotta make the traffic lights and don’t lose him. Whew, success! Now we’re driving down Interstate 30. After a couple of miles, he turns to the left and merges onto Interstate 40. I drop back farther behind so as not to be suspicious. Four more miles, and he’s doing 70 in a 65 mph zone. Now he’s taking the Crystal Hill Exit. Hey, that’s the exit to my house, I’m sure gonna follow him now to see what he’s up to in my neighborhood.

I don’t get very far because he pulls his car in behind the Exxon station on the left side of the road. Naked except for his red swim shorts and orange sneakers, he gets out of the car carrying the camouflage backpack and walks out to the knoll beside the overpass. By now I’m parked in the lot of that station behind a Crape Myrtle. I observe him put down his pack and kneel beside it. He pulls out a super-sized plastic cup from Sonic.

I’m expecting him to bring out a canteen and pour himself a drink, but whaaat! He pulls out a black handgun and hides it in the cup. Then he stands up leaving his pack on the ground, looking every inch a hitchhiker. A hitchhiker who points his cup with the gun in it at the first approaching car.

OMG, I get it now! I’ve seen his kind before. Watch out for him, he’s dangerous! Try your best to avoid Cpl. Bill Williams, distinguished Afghanistan war veteran and present radar gunner for the state police. Adonis disguised as a hitchhiker, he’ll get you. You will pay!

Except This Wasn't No Chick in Shorts!

What Would You think?

If you saw a guy in short red swim trunks on the side of the road pointing a cup at cars.

See results

Questions & Answers

    © 2018 Doris James-MizBejabbers

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      • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

        Doris James-MizBejabbers 

        2 months ago from Beautiful South

        Brian, I wasn't ridiculing Arnie. He was a beautiful man in his heyday. I was using him as an example of a physique. Most bodybuilders are just a flash in the pan and very few people would even remember their names.

        Homeless people here get free services when available, but those opportunities are few and far between. They can't all get free haircuts and dental work every month. Sometimes they have to go months in between and some don't have transportation to get to the free events to participate. As I said if you saw those folks lined up to get their meals at the Salvation Army twice a day, you would find that the ones with the new clothes and free haircuts were far in the minority.

        I wondered at the guy standing in the 95-100 degree hot sun in swim trunks all day. He was certainly risking skin cancer. That in itself was peculiar even for the South.

      • B. Leekley profile image

        Brian Leekley 

        2 months ago from Kalamazoo, Michigan, USA

        People in Kalamazoo and elsewhere in Michigan currently have a favorable view of Arnold Swarznegger, Doris, because he came out publicly in support of bipartisan efforts to end gerrymandering. Interesting true story re the traffic cop "hitchhiking" in a swimming suit. I suppose in Southern heat that wouldn't be peculiar. When I was looking at Google Images photos of homeless persons, there was a series showing a man giving homeless persons free sidewalk haircuts. A thoughtful gift.

      • NatureBoy0 profile image

        Elijah A Alexander Jr 

        2 months ago from Washington, DC USA

        Yes I know, Doris, and peace to you sister.

      • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

        Doris James-MizBejabbers 

        2 months ago from Beautiful South

        We all have our own paths, Elijah. As long as you follow your soul contract, you'll be ok in this world. Peace, brother.

      • NatureBoy0 profile image

        Elijah A Alexander Jr 

        2 months ago from Washington, DC USA

        Doris, your invitation is a temptation but my destiny demands I remain here in DC.

        The way I pay for mind is "I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends" the city of Washington, DC taking on themselves most of that cost. However, I have live in DC houseless for a few months as I was from August 9, 1976 until October 10, 2012 when VA began getting the houseless off the streets. I took my retirement from 1962 until '76 before following the teachings of Christ to become a wandering observer of all things and sharing my observations with anyone wanting to hear it. That caused me to be directed to come to DC 2/14/2009 and when I got here I was ordered to remain here indefinitely waiting to fulfill my destiny.

        I live so close to the environment that I've helped money dependent people out with almost half of that. I have free water but no food stamps and pay electricity and still have nearly half of my $978.00 monthly income. What can I say? Thank you for the invitation out of this cold and back to the warner south? Okay, thank you. LOL

      • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

        Doris James-MizBejabbers 

        2 months ago from Beautiful South

        Elijah, you should live in Little Rock. I own a duplex. One side is about 1,000 sq. ft. with a fire place and formal dining room. I rent it for $600 a month. The other is about 700 sq. ft. and rents for $500 mo. Both have water paid. It is in a historic district and is in very good condition. I don't know how people above the Mason Dixon line pay so much for their apartments. The big boys are moving in on us with their Three or four hundred thousand dollar condos and the city has raised the taxes on my property so high now that I'm going to have to sell it. It's a shame.

      • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

        Doris James-MizBejabbers 

        2 months ago from Beautiful South

        Hi, Brian, I'll answer your important question first. "Arnie" is Arnold Swarznegger. You know, the body builder, TV action star and former Governor of California. Remember him, wonder whatever happened to him?

        Thanks to a bunch of caring people (who says Southerners don't care), some of the homeless around my neck of the woods dress better than the rest of us. However, if you go to work at 7:30 am and drive by the Salvation Army like I did for a number of years, you would see a line of scruffy looking people lined up to get breakfast before they are sent out on the streets for the day. Quite a few, both men and women, needed tonsorial attention.

        The part about the "hitchhiker" in red swimming trunks is true. My story is based on truth. For about three summers, a state trooper really posed as a hitchhiker on I-40 just a half mile from my house. He did exactly as I described. He held a radar gun in a jumbo plastic drink cup aimed at cars on the interstate. He didn't come back this summer. Thanks for reading and commenting.

      • NatureBoy0 profile image

        Elijah A Alexander Jr 

        2 months ago from Washington, DC USA

        Brian,

        That's cheep. You should be in DC where I have 488 sq. ft. of floor space and mine cost $1,100 a month and is supposed to go up once they renovate the building.

      • B. Leekley profile image

        Brian Leekley 

        2 months ago from Kalamazoo, Michigan, USA

        Clever story, effectively told.

        I searched Google Images on homeless. Of the photos of homeless men in which I could see the hair, 7 had unkempt shaggy hair and 21 had hair that was neither unkempt nor shaggy. So 75% did not and 25% did have unkempt shaggy hair. That is understandable given that a haircut is a lot cheaper than rent. Here in Kalamazoo, it is hard to find even a room to rent for under $400 per month; the median price of a haircut is $28, and cheap ones are half that.

        In the 1950s and 1960s, I did a lot of hitchhiking and saw and picked up a lot of hitchhikers. I haven't seen a hitchhiker in years. Never one wearing only a swimming suit. That's an imaginative touch.

        Who is Arnie?

      • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

        Doris James-MizBejabbers 

        2 months ago from Beautiful South

        Genna, that is "the Duke"! I was shocked to find it while I was searching for a man in red swimming trunks. I never did find a usable photo of a hunk in red swimming trunks, so I decided to use John Wayne instead. I think I like him better in chaps. Quite out of character, right? He's got pretty legs, though.

        Thanks for your compliment and for commenting.

      • Genna East profile image

        Genna East 

        2 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

        Loved this...what an eye for detail, imagination, and humor. So well done. By the way, that pic looks like John Wayne.

      • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

        Doris James-MizBejabbers 

        2 months ago from Beautiful South

        Loved your comment, Chitrangada. Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.

      • ChitrangadaSharan profile image

        Chitrangada Sharan 

        2 months ago from New Delhi, India

        Enjoyed your great story and you kept the attention from the beginning till the end.

        You have a great imagination and a wonderful story teller.

        Thanks for this good read!

      • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

        Doris James-MizBejabbers 

        3 months ago from Beautiful South

        Thank you for the compliment, Manatita. Yes he was, LOL.

      • manatita44 profile image

        manatita44 

        3 months ago from london

        Nice story Miz. Sizzling and voluptuous start and interesting end. Cool!

      • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

        Doris James-MizBejabbers 

        3 months ago from Beautiful South

        Elijah, I never know what my devious little muse will come up with next. I'm waiting, too. Glad you enjoyed it and commented, my friend.

      • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

        Doris James-MizBejabbers 

        3 months ago from Beautiful South

        Bill, I had to say it first before somebody accused me of it (sexist). I actually wrote this story two winters ago and put it on the back burner to wait for hot weather. Then old age set in and I forgot about it. Our hot weather brought it out again. Thanks for reading and commenting, my friend.

      • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

        Doris James-MizBejabbers 

        3 months ago from Beautiful South

        Mary, I followed him only in my imagination. However, I really do live nearby, and I saw him often enough to know that he wasn't a real hitchhiker. He was just posing as one. Glad you enjoyed the story and commented.

      • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

        Doris James-MizBejabbers 

        3 months ago from Beautiful South

        Paula, I'm very sure because the guy spent about three summers aiming that cup at traffic. My husband was a state trooper for a couple of years after the Vietnam War, and he was sure that was what this guy was doing. One day I watched somebody who apparently thought the guy was a hitchhiker stop to try to give him a ride. The trooper very courteously turned him down.

        I wish I knew the story behind the John Wayne photo. Takes away our illusions of manliness, don't it, Girlfriend? LOL

        Thanks for the compliment on my hair. It was nearly black when I was young, and I don't bleach it. Brunettes in my family are usually white headed before 30. Our father's genetics, you know. Thanks girlfriend for your kind words.

      • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

        Doris James-MizBejabbers 

        3 months ago from Beautiful South

        Zulma, I appreciate your comment. I really couldn't think of any other way to write it.

      • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

        Doris James-MizBejabbers 

        3 months ago from Beautiful South

        Glenis, the narrator was kind of a stalker wasn't she? Don't worry, that part was pure fiction, and I didn't stalk either guy who inspired the story. When I was looking for photos, the John Wayne photo just popped up. I'd never seen it before either, and I think he should stick to wearing chaps. If he were a woman, I'd say he had pretty legs. Thanks for your observations.

      • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

        Doris James-MizBejabbers 

        3 months ago from Beautiful South

        John, this guy was a real inspiration for a writer. He could have been a model for a beach boy. Talk about disguises, I couldn't believe the state police would do this. I kind of miss him and wish he'd come back. LOL

        Thanks for reading and your wonderful comment, my friend.

      • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

        Doris James-MizBejabbers 

        3 months ago from Beautiful South

        Sexist, not you, Kenneth, ME!

      • NatureBoy0 profile image

        Elijah A Alexander Jr 

        3 months ago from Washington, DC USA

        MizB, You had my attention from beginning to ending and now have it waiting to read what the next part will contain. Short, suspenseful to the very end and completely enjoyed!!!

      • billybuc profile image

        Bill Holland 

        3 months ago from Olympia, WA

        Sexist be damned, MizB! That was just plain funny! There wasn't one word I didn't enjoy, from the opening hook to the surprise ending. Well done my friend.

      • aesta1 profile image

        Mary Norton 

        3 months ago from Ontario, Canada

        That was an interesting follow. You are brave to do this but I know when curiosity beckons, we can't just let it go. Enjoyed the story.

      • fpherj48 profile image

        Paula 

        3 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

        Quite a surprising ending! Are you POSITIVE it was a radar check?...or just "some crazy guy," for real??! LOL. Frankly MzB, that aged photo shocked me more than the story! Never would I have believed we'd ever see 'The Duke," in a pair of short-shorts & espadrilles, sporting a shoulder bag!! Now THAT'S an eyeful!! Cute story,

        BTW....nice snapshot of you! Your hair is simply gorgeous! :) Paula

      • phoenix2327 profile image

        Zulma Burgos-Dudgeon 

        3 months ago from United Kingdom

        I love stories that have a twist. I like the way you invited us to join you in following this guy. Nice touch.

      • Glenis Rix profile image

        GlenR 

        3 months ago from UK

        Love it, despite worrying that the voice in the narrative is a stalker! Great imaginative short story that builds suspense very effectively. I was right there, following young man. don’t think I have ever been treated to a view of John Wayne’s bare legs so that was a bonus.LOL.

      • Jodah profile image

        John Hansen 

        3 months ago from Queensland Australia

        MizB, you have outdone yourself. Sometimes fact is stranger than fiction...I didn't believe this guy in red swim shorts carrying a radar gun in a cup could be real, but he was. The ending was a total surprise to me. The John Wayne photo...my God and the Short Shorts video brought back memories. Well done.

      • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

        Doris James-MizBejabbers 

        3 months ago from Beautiful South

        Flourish, Honeychile, that's John Wayne in that photo! Can you believe it? I thought that would resonate. I'm not exaggerating about the real guy in the red bathing shorts though. Wish I could have taken a photo of him. He spent about 3 summers shooting cars with his radar on I-40. I haven't seen him in a couple of years.Thanks for a great comment.

      • FlourishAnyway profile image

        FlourishAnyway 

        3 months ago from USA

        You got me with this one! I had no idea where it was going. You are such a hoot. I laughed at that photo as well — of the man with camel toes in his Daisy Dukes carrying a man purse and wearing espadrilles.

      • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

        Doris James-MizBejabbers 

        3 months ago from Beautiful South

        Val and Kenneth, two of my dearest friends. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Do you think HP will take it down for being sexist?

      • kenneth avery profile image

        Kenneth Avery 

        3 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

        Doris -- amazing and oh, so colorful. I loved this. Thanks for your neat way in telling about wardrobe, car, travel and those little details that for many of us, escape the lot of us.

        Thanks again and continue to do such a fine job.

        Peace.

      • ValKaras profile image

        Vladimir Karas 

        3 months ago from Canada

        Doris---Oh, so that was you following me, LOL!!!

        Great story, you should really write books, my friend, I like your style a lot.

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