Fitting Room 101: Comedy Flash Fiction by cam

Updated on March 19, 2017
cam8510 profile image

Chris has written more than 175 flash fiction/short stories. Working Vacation was 21st out of 6,700 in the 2016 Writer's Digest competition.

Source

Fitting Room 101

"I hate malls," said Craig as he and Ralph went through the mall's front entrance.

"Well, if you hate malls, what are we doing in one?" There are plenty of places to shop without going to a mall."

"I've got a coupon."

"Oh, a coupon. Why didn't you say so in the first place?"

"Here we are." Craig pointed at the store's name above the doorway.

"Oh, I can't go in there." Ralph stopped short of the entrance to the clothing store.

"What do you mean you can't go in there?

"I don't know, I just don't want to go into that store.."

"Hold on a minute. You just said, and I quote, I can't go in there."

"I didn't say, can't."

"Yes, you did say, can't."

"Maybe I did say can't, but I meant I don't want to go in there. And I won't."

Source


"The first thing you said before you had a chance to think about it was, can't. And I'll testify to the fact that your clearest communication happens when you aren't thinking. Like right now. You're thinking, and you aren't making any sense."

"Oh, all right. I can't go into that store anymore."

"Ah, now you're not thinking again. Go on."

"I was in there last week looking for a new pair of pants, and I was in the fitting room trying a couple of pair on."

"Yes, I'm listening."

"I just happened to be going commando that day, so they kicked me out for trying clothes on when I wasn't wearing any underwear."

"First of all, you do realize the clothes you take into the fitting room aren't yours, right? and that probably a dozen other people have tried them on before you?" Craig had begun to walk again and Ralph stayed right beside him with his head down in shame. "And second, how the hell did anybody else know you weren't wearing underwear?"

"There was this lady clerk who was checking the fitting room doors because somebody else wanted to use one. When she pulled on my door, it opened, and there I was...."

Source

"Didn't you lock the door to the fitting room?

"The lock was broken.

"Why didn' t you move to another fitting room?

"They were all full. The place was busy."

"I don't believe this." Craig did an awesome facepalm and continued. "Then what happened?"

"The clerk and the lady she was helping started laughing."

"Laughing is better than screaming," said Craig.

"Then She screamed for security." Ralph suddenly became aware of his surroundings again. He was standing in the men's clothing department from which he had been permanently banned. And right in front of him, trying very hard not to laugh and even harder not to look down, was the clerk who had thrown him out the week before.

"Look, ma'am, it was an accident..."

"Security!" She screamed loudly enough for everyone in the store, if not the entire mall, to hear.

Ralph turned and ran. Unfortunately, he was looking back at the clerk rather than forward where he would have seen the women's intimate apparel department and the female mannequin standing next to the aisle sporting only a few of the items available.

The security guard ran up, and it was the same one who had escorted Ralph out the week before. The panties on Ralph's head were incidental to the fact that he was lying face down on top of a nearly naked female mannequin.

Source

#

About a week later, Craig was walking through the store again. He saw Ralph standing in the men's department.

"Ralph, what are you doing in here?"

"Community service. This was the judge's idea." Ralph held up the sign for Craig to read.

You must be wearing underwear in order to enter the fitting rooms and try on clothing. We know it's a small thing, but we insist.

"Wow, that is harsh. But hey, at least they let you wear the panties over your head while you hold the sign.'

"The panties were my idea. By the way, how did you recognize me?"


Questions & Answers

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      • profile image

        Lawrence Hebb 

        18 months ago

        Great humour, loved it.

      • bravewarrior profile image

        Shauna L Bowling 

        18 months ago from Central Florida

        Cute, Chris. This would be even funnier on film!

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        19 months ago from Flagstaff, AZ

        Dora, I am so glad you laughed. It is such a big step in writing comedy to go from creating smiles on the faces of readers to actually getting a chuckle. Glad it worked for you.

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        19 months ago from Flagstaff, AZ

        Martie, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Nice to see you today.

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        19 months ago from Flagstaff, AZ

        BlueGloves, thank you for reading and commenting and welcome to HubPages.

      • MsDora profile image

        Dora Weithers 

        19 months ago from The Caribbean

        Chris, your article got the laugh you intended. Your story offers the visuals which may make us laugh again when we remember. Good job!

      • MartieCoetser profile image

        Martie Coetser 

        19 months ago from South Africa

        Funny and well-written!

      • BlueGloves profile image

        BlueGloves 

        19 months ago

        Nicely written, good job :)

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        19 months ago from Flagstaff, AZ

        Gilbert, that is where the humor is, I believe. In the everyday stuff that we can all relate to.....not that I can relate to going commando in a fitting room, mind you. I think that is how Seinfeld and Friends lasted so long. People related and laughed.

      • rebelogilbert profile image

        Gilbert Arevalo 

        19 months ago from Hacienda Heights, California

        Funny Chris, crazy humor, but funny, but hey, your approach leads you to making a wacky comedy screenplay that people will pay money to bust their guts laughing. There's nothing wrong seeing the humor in simple ordinary rituals in life.

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        19 months ago from Flagstaff, AZ

        Eric, hello. You are welcome. Glad you enjoyed it.

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        19 months ago from Flagstaff, AZ

        Ruby, I'm glad I could put a smile on your face today.

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        19 months ago from Flagstaff, AZ

        Ruby, I'm glad I could put a smile on your face today.

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        19 months ago from Flagstaff, AZ

        Ruby, I'm glad I could put a smile on your face today.

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        19 months ago from Flagstaff, AZ

        Bill, isn't a mall the most uncomfortable feeling there is? That's why I like Amazon. Just bring it to me.

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        19 months ago from Flagstaff, AZ

        JeniDarling, Thanks for the visit today. I am looking for an article/story/hub by you soon.

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        19 months ago from Flagstaff, AZ

        Nadine, It seems like forever since I've seen you. I'll stop by your profile and see what you have been doing.

      • cam8510 profile imageAUTHOR

        Chris Mills 

        19 months ago from Flagstaff, AZ

        Venkatachari M, nice to see you today. I'm glad you got a laugh out of this story.

      • Ericdierker profile image

        Eric Dierker 

        19 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

        I loved it. Thank you.

      • always exploring profile image

        Ruby Jean Richert 

        19 months ago from Southern Illinois

        HaHa, funny and cute story.

      • billybuc profile image

        Bill Holland 

        19 months ago from Olympia, WA

        Well Craig and I have that in common...I hate Malls, and I won't go to them...period!

        Great fun, Chris!

      • JeniDarling profile image

        JeniDarling 

        19 months ago

        Ha! Love it

      • Nadine May profile image

        Nadine May 

        19 months ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

        Ha ha ha. Great story. I love the dialog, it run beautifully. Well done.

      • Venkatachari M profile image

        Venkatachari M 

        19 months ago from Hyderabad, India

        Great! It made me laugh throughout the story and am still laughing typing this comment. What a beautiful incident narrated by you so much entertainingly. It can happen with some people in real life also. But they will never again enter it like this Ralph.

        Thanks for cheering up the morning mood.

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