Fauntleroy and Flossy The Midterms

Updated on August 31, 2018

Fauntleroy walked down the hall re-reading the Putt-Baby notes sent to him through one of the backchannels.

Model T spotted him. “Dad, Dad, I am going to start a newsletter for the staff. I am calling it Indictments Today. What do you think? Do you think it should be a daily or a weekly?”

Fauntleroy grimaced. Then went back to number three on the Putt-Baby notes. “You must denounce Church pews. People are kneeling behind church pews. That is unpatriotic.” He glanced at his Rolex GMT Patriot with the latest feature of a calendar day window. “I’m late for a meeting," he called to Model T.

Fauntleroy stepped into the conference room and took a seat. He looked at the many empty chairs. A sheet of paper was on the table in front of him titled roll call. He lifted it. “Paul.” He looked around “Paul. He glanced down at the paper. “Michael. Michael are you here.” He glanced around. “Michael Number two. You here Mike?” He received no answers. He made his disgusted face. “Raise your hand if you are here.”

Three people raised their hands. “OK, let's get started. The first order of business is the issue of church pews. My base will no longer stand for kneeling at church pews. Call Ted Cruz, tell him it is time to pay his dues. Careful, he is easy to confuse. Then get the media here, while you do, I will think of a clever thing to say about them."

Did you all hear what my counsel Goudie Ruliana had to say? It was a beaut. He said, ‘The truth is not the truth. I wish I had said that. Let that sink in, the truth is not the truth, only what I say is true is true. I told a crowd, ‘Remember what you see and hear that is not what is happening,’ but good-old Goudie said it better.”

Then Putinize it

The Camouflage phone in Fauntleroy’s sock rang. He put his hand up to stop the meeting. “Putt-Baby, I am in a meeting, can I call you back?” The voice on the other end of the phone got louder. “Where is my order? I ordered 1,000 Hispanic immigrant children and you have failed to deliver, the Saudis are all over me. See to it?” Fauntleroy smiled sheepishly and hung up the phone and returned it to his sock.

“Where was I? Look, my richest sponsor had a great idea. He has heard ‘the one percent’ so much that he has it in his head that one percent should be his tax bracket. Start drafting legislation immediately that those with a net worth of over one hundred million will only pay one percent on their personal income and capital gains. The people loved the tax break my people gave four percent of them last year."

"Anybody need a break? Take five." He got up from his seat phone in hand and began to type with his thumbs. ‘Church pews and kneeling are unpatriotic.’ He tweeted as he headed to the john. In fifteen minutes the meeting began again.

“Everyone pull out their copy of the enemies list. This is taking too long. Every name on there has taken a position against me, regarding this made up Russian thing. I want names to start being scratched off this list. If they had to go out and make a living, then they would not have time to cause me trouble.”

Those in attendance looked at the thick three ring folders in front of them. So many names in the intelligence agencies and the FBI were listed. His ex-wives, his many hush money babies, his contact names at the Continental Inquiry. Executives at CNM and NSMBC were on the list as was Fauntleroy’s twelfth grade English teacher.

“Goudie Ruliana is writing a report that says the special counsel stole milk money from other kids when he was in the third grade. And also that in high school him and two of his buddies ran through the girls locker room stealing towels from girls. Then he will conclude how can we trust such a dishonest and immoral illegitimate person. How is that for top notch lawyering? And all I did was accept help from a foreign power in order to win a rigged election.”

“Last order of business for this meeting then I will be heading to my tweet hour. The midterm people. We must win every election in November. There are votes to be bought. You, over there, coordinate with the Russians. See if they can dial it in so one percent victories pop up all over the country. Get a hold of Mini T if you need to use the conference rooms at the towers. They will never think to look there again. I particularly want that ‘monkey business’ guy down in Florida to win. I like his style, see to it. I forgot your name, what is it?”

“Vader,” came the response.

“Oh, yeah, you are that ‘eyes wide shut’ guy. I heard you were a nut job.”

Disclaimer

Do not remove this disclaimer under undisclosed penalty or penalties at the discretion of those empowered to penalize. This supersedes all previous disclaimers.

This content is void where prohibited and the implied humor may yield incomplete results. Humor level may be slightly lower in the South.

It is purely coincidental if any of the characters resemble politicians living or otherwise. This content is meant for educational purposes only and is not to be taken as recommendations for future policy.

Content not suitable for all viewers. Discretion is advised, recommended, not optional, though not compulsory. Content has been sanitized for your protection. If you get any on you, wash immediately. Read only in well ventilated area as some readers have experienced nausea, indigestion and other maladies in the digestive tract. Vote for a democrat to avoid painful persistent redness.

First Amendment

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

David Allan Coe - Penitentiary Blues

Questions & Answers

    © 2018 mckbirdbks

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      • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

        mckbirdbks 

        4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

        Hello Genna – I hope you had a restful getaway. I borrowed Putinizer from a GIF I made that appears time to time on Twitter. The frames fit so well, I had them do double duty. I am struck numb by his supporters, a blind eye is one thing, but all the senses, suspended simultaneously is beyond me. I saw a picture of two male Americans with T-Shirts reading, ‘I’d rather be Russian than vote for a Democrat.’

        My understanding is that the tax cut has already made the country cash strapped and now some are pointing at Medicare and Social Security cuts as a solution.

        Thanks for reading.

      • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

        mckbirdbks 

        4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

        Hello Martie - You are right, politicians blatantly behave like the people do not matter. Throughout history politicians have made that mistake. It has been going on for a long while here in the States. The pendulum is ready to swing back to center. Glad I could deliver a smile. Thanks for reading.

      • Genna East profile image

        Genna East 

        4 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

        Hi Mike...

        Sorry I'm late, but I was away over the weekend.

        This clever satire is so apropos. "Goudie Ruliana; Putinizer; ... Fauntleroy smiled sheepishly and hung up the phone and returned it to his sock," and much more.

        I didn't think it possible, but with Fauntleroy humiliating himself so often in the media, for a nanosecond I actually felt sorry for him. I suspect his supporters will stay loyal as long as the sugar high from the current economy lasts. That is, until the budget deficit soars higher and Uncle Sam sticks them, and us, with the check.

        Loved the video and graphics.

      • MartieCoetser profile image

        Martie Coetser 

        4 months ago from South Africa

        Politicians all over the world are glorified clowns enriching themselves instead of serving the people of their country. Thanks for the smiles :)

      • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

        mckbirdbks 

        4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

        Hello Verlie - Thanks again. The graphics are frames from a GIF that I made. I only used a few of the frames. They seemed to fit the feel of this episode, so I inserted them. I appreciate the shout out regarding the graphics.

      • snakeslane profile image

        Verlie Burroughs 

        4 months ago from Canada

        Evening Mike, here again, meant to say earlier, the new graphics/illustrations you're using are great. The Putinizer premium spray says it all.

      • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

        mckbirdbks 

        4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

        Hello Peg - Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I have not felt at all like writing, so when an episode of Fauntleroy and Flossy arrived in my head, I just took a few minutes break and typed it out.

      • PegCole17 profile image

        Peg Cole 

        4 months ago from Northeast of Dallas, Texas

        Always a pleasure to see that your creative juices are getting a workout. I miss the days when the country was united and not torn apart by dissension and hatred.

      • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

        mckbirdbks 

        4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

        Hello Bill - Yes, not really funny material. I put a magnifying glass on issues that need no magnification. The heart of America is being wrestled from the people. The American people cannot be beaten, but they can be tricked. Our commitment is to prevent that from happening.

      • billybuc profile image

        Bill Holland 

        4 months ago from Olympia, WA

        Usually satire if funny for me. Unfortunately,we live in strange times, and it is hard for me to laugh at our current state of affairs. Who would a thunk it possible, 'eh?

        Brilliant piece of writing, by the way. A little painful to read, but I guess I can tweet away my angst if I have a mind to do so.

      • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

        mckbirdbks 

        4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

        Hello mar - You have all the makings of a great diplomat. I am glad you liked the song. I did not put much effort into writing this piece. Fauntleroy and Flossy practically writes itself. Thanks for reading.

      • marcoujor profile image

        Maria Jordan 

        4 months ago from Jeffersonville PA

        Always good to see you publish, dear Mike.

        I've been listening to the blues forever, more so of late. This is a great song to add to my collection.

        Happy Labor Day weekend. Hugs, mar

      • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

        mckbirdbks 

        4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

        Hello Verlie - Thanks. It sure seems like racketeers have taken the reigns of power. Simple, but brutal intent to enrich themselves. The agenda is clear and not good for every day Americans. Thanks for reading.

      • snakeslane profile image

        Verlie Burroughs 

        4 months ago from Canada

        Wowee Mike, this may be your best ever Fauntleroy and Flossy! You got the screwloose tweetster in the corner pocket, nice shot!

      • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

        mckbirdbks 

        4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

        Hello Patty - I heard that U.S. citizens, and U.S. veterans where being refused renewing their passports. It is a National disgrace how we are operating. Yesterday, I heard democrats who have filled out paperwork for application for security clearances have had their private information given to Paul Ryans Super Pac. There is nothing this group will not do.

        Thanks for visiting Fauntleroy and Flossy.

      • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

        Patty Inglish MS 

        4 months ago from USA. Member of Asgardia, the first space nation, since October 2016

        ROFL, but all this could happen as early as tomorrow.

        I wonder if all the US citizens in Mexico who just had US passports revoked for "Mexican-Hispanic-sounding" names can vote absentee?

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