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Fauntleroy and Flossy – Phelonieous Scroodious

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Fauntleroy stood at the head of the large mahogany conference table. “You probably are wondering why I called you here.”

Model T and Mr. Model T smiled those smirky little smiles. Vader shifted in his chair.

Errdick, sat next to Mini T. Putt-Baby, sat in the middle of the table, on speaker phone. Conherway stared at her iphone. She just moved her chair a little further away from Lindsey.

Fauntleroy wiped Cheesy Puff crumbs from his orange lips. “I suppose you heard that my former lawyer is making up stories and giving those stories to the Special Counsel. We are all going to have to circle the wagons. I have an idea, Lindsey that is why you have been invited to this meeting. The world knows you are a soulless puppet. Now, they will know that you are a water balloon brain. Squeeze and you take on a new shape.

A slight giggle came over the speaker phone.

“Lindsey you are going to write and sponsor S.B. (jail).”

Lindsey scratched the back of his head, wondering just what he was going to think.

Fauntleroy continued, “It’s simple. We are going to donate Gomorrah-Logo to the Federal government for use as a Fauntleroy-Frussians Federal Prison. Lindsey you are brilliant. In the bill you will specifically write that this prison is for use only by those that helped to cover up the alleged crimes committed by our Frussian-Floppia crime family. I reserve the Caesar Suite for myself and the Frussian Femme Fatales. Vader and Conherway will be sentenced to the same room. Errdick, Mini T you will be with Flossy. Lindsey, you and Cruella, will have to bunk together. There would be more room, but so many Congressman, Senators, NRA money launders and Hermitage Foundation will eventually be with us.”

At that moment Flossy walked into the door. “Did you see my Red Trees? Not white trees, not brown trees, but Red trees. That Christmas tree lighting was such a bore. I am glad we left early.”

The speaker phone again giggled.

“What did I miss?” Flossy asked.

“We are all going to be indicted and likely convicted.” Fauntleroy stated. Flossy turned pale, which is not easy for an eastern European. Can you believe they are going to indict the man who provided the greatest economy that we’ve had in our history, the best? The best presidency in the history of the country, maybe the world, yes the world and it will be cut short. On the bright side, crime statistics will drop and my leadership will get credit. Washington DC will look like a ghost town if they get all of us.”

The blue phone in Fauntleroy’s left pocket rang. When answered the voice carried into the room. The word subpoenas floated through the air before Fauntleroy could hang up. Hanging up, he said, “New business.” He lifted a stack of screenplay copies. “We are going to make a movie, cutting out the middle men all the way through distribution. We will have State run TV in place shortly. I have interviewed the people who are going to play you in the movie, or maybe a series. Errdick,” he tossed a copy of the screenplay, “Johan Hill will be playing your role. Vader, Woody Allen has signed his contract. Model T and Mr. Model T you are going to be so happy, we got Lindsay Lohan and Pauly Shore to portray you two superstars. Oh, Model T, Miley Cyrus, is going to be your body double for the nude scenes. Mini T,” he tossed a manuscript to his son, “We secured Hayden Christensen to play you. He is a foreigner, but we get to pay him in Canadian dollars.”

Fauntleroy thought for a moment, looking at the remaining copies. Flossy, oh, I almost forgot you, oh, you are going to be so happy, Gwyneth Paltrow, can you believe it?” He tossed the second to last copy of the screenplay to Flossy who was still thinking about red Christmas trees.

Conherway cleared her throat.

“We did not forget you. We are in negotiations with Joan Rivers to play you.” Fauntleroy offered.

“Joan Rivers? She’s dead,” replied Conherway.

“Are you really quoting alternate facts to me?” asked Fauntleroy.

A voice rose from the machine in the center of the table.

“Putt-Baby, people were lining up to play you. We are going to make a really good deal, really good. First we were contacted by Alec Baldwin. We are in talks with him. Apparently Hulk Hogan can do a good impersonation of you. We think we can get John Travolta, if that is of any interest to you.”

“Who is playing you?” Flossy spoke up.

“Me?” He straightened his tie. I called him personally. He said that he would likely be out of rehab by the time we begin shooting. So, I signed Charlie Sheen to play Fauntleroy, the Great.”

Dim the lights.


Fauntleroy and Flossy is not for everyone. Consult your physician if bleeding from your gums occurs while reading. Consult your MEGA hat distributor for instruction on how to loosen your cap. Consult your ophthalmologists, optometrists or optician technician if you just can’t see the point. Consult your nearest GOP for the recipe for pepper spray to use on women and children before they are kidnapped, separated and caged by the United States.
To relieve anxiety think about Border Collies rather than border walls.

In the conference room all had left except Fauntleroy. He was talking to himself waving his hands about as he did. “I see this movie opening in the hospital with the camera showing my birth. The world needs to see the moment their Savior arrived. The delivery must of course be done by a Russian doctor. Of course I do not cry. Oh what a remarkable life I have led, and everybody is awestruck at my existence.”


Bobby Fuller Four - I Fought The Law

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