Fauntleroy and Flossy – Phelonieous Scroodious

Updated on December 1, 2018

Fauntleroy stood at the head of the large mahogany conference table. “You probably are wondering why I called you here.”

Model T and Mr. Model T smiled those smirky little smiles. Vader shifted in his chair.

Errdick, sat next to Mini T. Putt-Baby, sat in the middle of the table, on speaker phone. Conherway stared at her iphone. She just moved her chair a little further away from Lindsey.

Fauntleroy wiped Cheesy Puff crumbs from his orange lips. “I suppose you heard that my former lawyer is making up stories and giving those stories to the Special Counsel. We are all going to have to circle the wagons. I have an idea, Lindsey that is why you have been invited to this meeting. The world knows you are a soulless puppet. Now, they will know that you are a water balloon brain. Squeeze and you take on a new shape.

A slight giggle came over the speaker phone.

“Lindsey you are going to write and sponsor S.B. 10.1.9.12 (jail).”

Lindsey scratched the back of his head, wondering just what he was going to think.

Fauntleroy continued, “It’s simple. We are going to donate Gomorrah-Logo to the Federal government for use as a Fauntleroy-Frussians Federal Prison. Lindsey you are brilliant. In the bill you will specifically write that this prison is for use only by those that helped to cover up the alleged crimes committed by our Frussian-Floppia crime family. I reserve the Caesar Suite for myself and the Frussian Femme Fatales. Vader and Conherway will be sentenced to the same room. Errdick, Mini T you will be with Flossy. Lindsey, you and Cruella, will have to bunk together. There would be more room, but so many Congressman, Senators, NRA money launders and Hermitage Foundation will eventually be with us.”

At that moment Flossy walked into the door. “Did you see my Red Trees? Not white trees, not brown trees, but Red trees. That Christmas tree lighting was such a bore. I am glad we left early.”

The speaker phone again giggled.

“What did I miss?” Flossy asked.

“We are all going to be indicted and likely convicted.” Fauntleroy stated. Flossy turned pale, which is not easy for an eastern European. Can you believe they are going to indict the man who provided the greatest economy that we’ve had in our history, the best? The best presidency in the history of the country, maybe the world, yes the world and it will be cut short. On the bright side, crime statistics will drop and my leadership will get credit. Washington DC will look like a ghost town if they get all of us.”

The blue phone in Fauntleroy’s left pocket rang. When answered the voice carried into the room. The word subpoenas floated through the air before Fauntleroy could hang up. Hanging up, he said, “New business.” He lifted a stack of screenplay copies. “We are going to make a movie, cutting out the middle men all the way through distribution. We will have State run TV in place shortly. I have interviewed the people who are going to play you in the movie, or maybe a series. Errdick,” he tossed a copy of the screenplay, “Johan Hill will be playing your role. Vader, Woody Allen has signed his contract. Model T and Mr. Model T you are going to be so happy, we got Lindsay Lohan and Pauly Shore to portray you two superstars. Oh, Model T, Miley Cyrus, is going to be your body double for the nude scenes. Mini T,” he tossed a manuscript to his son, “We secured Hayden Christensen to play you. He is a foreigner, but we get to pay him in Canadian dollars.”

Fauntleroy thought for a moment, looking at the remaining copies. Flossy, oh, I almost forgot you, oh, you are going to be so happy, Gwyneth Paltrow, can you believe it?” He tossed the second to last copy of the screenplay to Flossy who was still thinking about red Christmas trees.

Conherway cleared her throat.

“We did not forget you. We are in negotiations with Joan Rivers to play you.” Fauntleroy offered.

“Joan Rivers? She’s dead,” replied Conherway.

“Are you really quoting alternate facts to me?” asked Fauntleroy.

A voice rose from the machine in the center of the table.

“Putt-Baby, people were lining up to play you. We are going to make a really good deal, really good. First we were contacted by Alec Baldwin. We are in talks with him. Apparently Hulk Hogan can do a good impersonation of you. We think we can get John Travolta, if that is of any interest to you.”

“Who is playing you?” Flossy spoke up.

“Me?” He straightened his tie. I called him personally. He said that he would likely be out of rehab by the time we begin shooting. So, I signed Charlie Sheen to play Fauntleroy, the Great.”

Dim the lights.

Disclaimer

Fauntleroy and Flossy is not for everyone. Consult your physician if bleeding from your gums occurs while reading. Consult your MEGA hat distributor for instruction on how to loosen your cap. Consult your ophthalmologists, optometrists or optician technician if you just can’t see the point. Consult your nearest GOP for the recipe for pepper spray to use on women and children before they are kidnapped, separated and caged by the United States.
To relieve anxiety think about Border Collies rather than border walls.

First Amendment

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

In the conference room all had left except Fauntleroy. He was talking to himself waving his hands about as he did. “I see this movie opening in the hospital with the camera showing my birth. The world needs to see the moment their Savior arrived. The delivery must of course be done by a Russian doctor. Of course I do not cry. Oh what a remarkable life I have led, and everybody is awestruck at my existence.”

Bobby Fuller Four - I Fought The Law

© 2018 mckbirdbks

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    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      13 days ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna - I'd buy a ticket to see Charlie Sheen and Woody Allen playing Fauntleroy and Vader. Hope you had a smile.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 

      13 days ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Great as always, Mike. The star-studded movie is just precious. Lol.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      2 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello young lady - He is such a villain. He should be required to wear a cape, or perhaps extra long red tie to distinguish him from humans. I saw pictures at the G20, he clearly does not know what role he is playing. Good to see you. I use F & F to vent. He is hamstrung now, like a calf waiting for the brand, and he knows it.

    • profile image

      alwaysexploring 

      2 weeks ago

      You've got him pegged brilliantly...His narcissism is at a dangerous level. He's a total idiot. Instead of " Lock her up " He should be in prison and share a cell with a man-woman. I do hope you continue this series. It is good to laugh even though it is serious.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      2 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Bill you are correct. The new Congress will slam the breaks on the ruthless agenda that was taking place. A malicious disease has been isolated and now can be addressed. Thanks for the visit.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      2 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello mar - A bit chilly here in SoCal this morning. Wouldn't it be fun to see this movie with these actors. Their names all appeared on a most disliked actors list. Who would not go and see Woody Allen playing opposite of Charlie Sheen? It was fun putting it together.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      2 weeks ago from Olympia, WA

      Now that the Democrats have taken back the House, my only job is to get comfortable for the next two years while POTUS spins his wheels. Not much will be accomplished, but at least the damage will be kept to a minimum. :) Of course I loved this piece...you haven't lost it.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 

      2 weeks ago from Jeffersonville PA

      The movie star line up started my day off with a giggle - thanks for that, Mike.

      Haven't heard this song in way too long - your musical selections are unexpected and always a treat.

      Wishing you a weekend of smiles. Hugs, Maria

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      2 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Verlie - I did have a little fun with this one. I do not think it is the final chapter. As you know this has stopped being funny a long time ago. I see the madness will carry on for some time, as trial after trial is held. Some many are guilty of crimes 'against the United States'. Seems 'we' have forgotten who we are. That shining 'city on the hill' is not shining so bright these days.

    • snakeslane profile image

      Verlie Burroughs 

      2 weeks ago from Canada

      Dear Mike, It looks like you had fun with this one. Do you think this is the final chapter?

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