Fauntleroy and Flossy October Surprise

Updated on October 7, 2018

Sixteen people were seated around the conference table. Fauntleroy walked in and stood at the head of the table.

“Good morning,” Fauntleroy began.

Eight left arms reached up and a hand covered the microphone in front of their clients. Eight lawyers' heads moved close to their client's ear and whispered the correct answer. Seven staff members answered ‘good morning’ one abstained.

Fauntleroy sat down, glancing across the table. “I see a lot of new lawyers here this morning, are they issuing them at the door for all new hires?” He laughed at his own joke.

He continued, “I am hearing a lot of good things about our new candidate, a fellow named Jerry Mander. What can you tell me about him?”

Eight left hands rose at once and eight heads leaned toward their clients.

The new head of ‘Dastardly Crimes Against Humanity’ began to speak. His lawyer spoke up, “I object.”

“I can’t speak to you about gerrymandering, but I can say,” he paused and looked at some papers before him. “Detained children numbers look good. Up forty percent from this time last month.”

Fauntleroy smiled, “That’s more like it.” He rubbed his hands together, thinking of the commissions he made as kickbacks from the corporations providing tent cities in the desert. I hear there is a new restaurant in the city. Everyone is talking about it, The Calf and Gnaw. Anybody had time to investigate the place? It is all I have been hearing about.”

The head of Base Baiting and Plunder started to speak. His lawyer touched his shoulder and when he had his attention shook his head no.

The acting head of National Insecurity cleared his throat, “The Calf and Gnaw, I heard of that, instead of a tip, you get to hold the waitress down on the floor and cover her mouth when she tries to scream.”

The eight lawyers and Fauntleroy laughed. “Let’s get down to business. The tariffs are kicking in. Our plan has increased the price of many items everyday Americans need. Our plan to bring in inventory and then wait for prices to increase, will give all of us a thirty percent return on investment in the first year. After that, who cares?”

The head of The Department of Education laughed out loud and slapped the table, “The Calf and Gnaw, I just got it.”

Fauntleroy glared at her. He looked down at his list of things to cover. He looked over at the youngest man in the room, the head of Micro Bungling, nervously tapped on the table. “The next time you send me to the U.N. I want a piece of masking tape taped to my sleeve that says ‘U.N.’ They laughed at me. ‘ME’ the most powerful man in the known universe. I had to ad lib a response.” He blinked several times trying to remember what meeting he was attending. “Now, Mr. Micro Bungler, get me some Cheesy-Crunch and a diet soda.”

He left.

“Now, that Micro Bungler is gone, did you guys see the clips of my rally? I was good, ‘I don’t remember the neighborhood, I don’t remember, if this happened upstairs or downstairs, I don’t remember, and that was just the effort to get off the bus.’”

Eight hands went up and covered the microphones. The lawyers shook their heads no and whispered ‘no smiling.’

Micro Bungler returned with the Chessy-Crunch and diet drink and set the tray down next to Fauntleroy. “Now, it is said I did not vet the latest candidate, but once I heard that was necessary, I sent over a 2018 Vet and charged it to I.C.E. transportation expense. I suppose that you all heard about the 14,000 words in The NYT. Imagine using all the words in just one article. What are they going to do tomorrow. Well, the news is out, I got more than one million dollars as start up money to become the richest and most handsome man in the known universe.” He looked around.

“The article goes on and on. I know no one can read 14,000 words, no one. So, we are safe. My brand as the most big success is still bigger than the reputation for that very wet hurricane that hit these here former United States. I suppose, I have not heard the last of that one. Imagine the tax people getting peeved for some simple accounting errors.”

Fauntleroy looked around the table. “You! Tech guy, I sent out a message to every cell phone in the Consumer States of Fauntleroy. That is going to replace my Twitter account for sure. I heard there was one guy in Southern California that still does not carry a cell phone. Micro Bungler, send someone to knock on his door and deliver the message.”

Fauntleroy paused, “One last thing before we close,” he stuffed a hand full of Cheesy-Crunch into his mouth. “The blue-dumbs, keep talking about playing chess, what we just taught them is that we are playing panzer-blitz football.” He stood, signaling the end of the meeting. “If we lose in November I want a resolution prepared in advance, for the dissolution of the Senate.”

Eight layer’s arms reached forward and covered the microphone in front of their clients.

Disclaimer:

Disclaimer:

This is a work of fiction, history will prove me right. Fauntleroy and Flossy is not for everybody. There is some evidence that Fauntleroy is not for Flossy. For those that have read more than fourteen thousand words in their lifetime, reading Fauntleroy and Flossy may cause thoughts of grief, depression and pain, as occurs with a 2 a.m. leg cramp. Discontinue use if difficulty breathing occurs while witnessing the unraveling of sanity, decency and the common good.

First Amendment

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

You Can't Always Get What You Want

Sanity, decency and the common good.

Judy Collins - Send In The Clowns

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    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Peg - I hope you and yours are enjoying cooler weather. Thank you for visiting.

    • PegCole17 profile image

      Peg Cole 

      2 months ago from Dallas, Texas

      Trick or treat, indeed, Mike. This one was entertaining. The scenario could fit practically every administration that has taken over Washington, from days of old to now. It does seem sad that the mere accusation of someone is enough to get them investigated without evidence. Just saw a story about a prisoner who was recently released after his accuser admitted it was all a lie. Very sad times.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Martie - I see the U.S. going the way of S.A. I hope you and your family remain safe. Here almost everyone is armed. That does not fare well when the party in power is calling the party out of power dangerous to the country. We are a pretty dangerous group. Thanks for visiting. Fauntleroy is a mad man, and half this country is smart enough to realize that. Some of the other half will wise up.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 

      2 months ago from South Africa

      I will join Maria. Lots of coffee keeps me sane in this mad world. Fauntleroy is one of the worse role models. His arrogance and self-love have no boundaries. But who am I to judge, living in a shit hole.... ?!?

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Verlie - I did mean Neil Simon. I came across a double CD set of Neil Diamond, and have been listening to them lately. I would like to say I am not slipping, but that is not the case. I seem to be on full overload. haha

      Thanks

    • snakeslane profile image

      Verlie Burroughs 

      2 months ago from Canada

      Mike did you mean Neil Simon?

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Audrey - Thanks for the visit. I hope there is a long ride still ahead of you. We here are on some unpaved road at the moment, but it will smooth out. Someone took the wheel who does not know the way, so is

      and has not gone this way before. But there will be a course correction when an American is once again in charge.

      Seems roughly half of America knows what is going on, the other half were busy elsewhere.

      They seem to always be in meeting, playing world domination, or America domination.

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 

      2 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Brilliant! I've said it before. "So glad I'm facing my ride out of this world and not coming into this world." Politically speaking, that is. Is it just me or is a good percentage of U.S. citizens venting as well?

      I like Marias "trick or treat." Personally, I've not experienced so many tricks in my old life.

      Love your choice of names...micro bungler brought on giggles. Oh, yes, just a thought here...my choice of music would be "Send in the Clowns." Just say'in :)

      Hugs,

      Audrey

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Bill – A shift in the balance of power in November would be nice. It may or may not happen. The Russians did hack the voting machines and we did nothing about it. My angst certainly has reached alarming levels. I see a crisis and yet the infrastructure carries on as if it is just another day. We need to dig in and prepare for the next panzer-blitz. Talk it over with the chickens, they likely have good advice. Happy Sunday.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Good morning Maria – Trick or Treat indeed. What an October surprise, that was just dealt from the bottom of the deck to the American people. The dominos are being put into place and will eventually lead to the fall.

      At least we have The Stones.

      Happy Sunday, pj’s and coffee.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      2 months ago from Olympia, WA

      It's nice to be able to laugh about this current crap. Thanks for that, Mike! Now we set our sights on November and hopefully a shift in power. In the meantime, I'll turn to you when my angst reaches unhealthy levels. :)

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Verlie – Hopefully there was at least one smile. Writing Fauntleroy and Flossy lets me vent my frustration with the abuse of power that we are witnessing daily here in Fauntleroyland. A musical comedy - move over Neil Diamond – ha, that is funny. It would likely be a big success. (We can’t have that, now can we?) Enjoy the rest of the weekend.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna – My original response to you was three times longer, but I went back and edited out all the cuss words.

      Many situations in Washington are disturbing. To expose an unfit candidate for the Supreme court and still confirm him is the worst (to date). America as we know it has been fundamentally changed forever. That the standard bearers in Washington are supporting the regime tells me there is much more going on than we realize.

      That the regime has remaining supporters is something I will never understand.

      Enjoy your Sunday.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 

      2 months ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Trick or Treat time has never been more horrifying.

      Time for more coffee to steady my nerves, along with some Stones.

      Have a good Sunday, Mike. Hugs, Maria

    • snakeslane profile image

      Verlie Burroughs 

      2 months ago from Canada

      Mike, Thanks for the late night amusement. This Fauntleroy and Flossy is so well choreographed, I can envision it as a scene in a musical comedy. (Not for everybody of course.)

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 

      2 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Oh my -- I've always known -- NEVER trust a clown...especially what looks like Stephen King's Pennywise pictured in this cool hub.

      "The Calf and Gnaw; Base Baiting and Plunder; He blinked several times trying to remember what meeting he was attending," are just a few gems here, Mike. And Kavanaugh...that this man has become the 9th Supreme is terrifying, plus the 14,000-word expose about the tax fraud issue.

      Even Stephen King could not write the horror story that has overtaken Washington. Thank goodness we have Fauntleroy to provide us with a little cathartic humor. Well done, Mike. And I liked the music too!

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