Fauntleroy and Flossy - Crazytown Anagram Madness - LetterPile - Writing and Literature
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Fauntleroy and Flossy - Crazytown Anagram Madness

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fauntleroy_and_flossy_the_press_conference

Fauntleroy walked hastily into the conference room, looked at all the empty seats and said, “Glad you could all make it. Oral! What do you have to say for yourself? Are you going to be first to take the polygraph test? Someone here wrote an Op Ed for the flailing NYT. We are going to get to the bottom of this. I know you are in this room. You are not going to remain animus, eh er, synonymous,” clearing his throat, “autonomous.”

Fauntleroy called toward the door. “Bring in the graph paper and pencils.”

Oral responded, “That’s not how it works and it’s anonymous.”

Royal, butt in, “Look, Fauntleroy, I’m Royal, your long time Number two. There is no need for me to take a lie detector test; I can draw a graph that says I am telling the truth from memory. I am Royal. You can trust me.”

Fauntleroy looked at the empty chair where the voice was coming from. “Yes, I can always expect loyalty from you Royal, my old friend. Sit there and try to help me figure which one here committed treason.”

“You Leary, what do you have to say for yourself? I suppose you are going to say I have had my eye on you for a long time. Whenever you are around I have a suspicion that something has been removed from my desk. In fact, my stash of Diet drinks looks light to me. Did you write the piece that said madness was the order of the day in the WH?”

Leary gave a wry smile, “Me, sir, oh, no sir. It is the greatest privilege to serve such a distinguished Presi…”

Felony interrupted, “Look, I am tired of listening to this kiss,” cough, “You and I sir have committed so many crimes, that what people say about you is likely my doing. You know that you and your family mean the world to me. Especially Flossy, she is my favorite. Why would I write an Op Ed, you need an education to write an Op Ed, I am surprised if anyone here could do it.”

Fauntleroy looked down at the end of the table. “What about you, Aunt? You are being awfully quiet. That is out of character, even for a minor character like you in my stellar list of personalities.”

“Oral, call in a Page and have them bring in my medication and some diet soda, and a bag of chips, and some of that guacamole dip; but not a California brand. Find some made by Arizona Caucasians. Is there a Norwegian Guacamole company? I will address that in my next term. Oral, why are you still sitting there?”

A page walked into the room and sat down a tray with a soda, chips, dip and his bag of white powdered medication. “Sorry sir, we found some guacamole, the label says Made in Apios Prisons.” She turned and left.

“Good, Made in America,” Fauntleroy mumbled through a mouth full of chips as the crumbs fell on his white shirt and red tie. He eyed the empty chairs, knowing there was a traitor here at the table. He washed down the chips; slopping some liquid down is jowls. “Aunt, don’t think I forgot you. Where were you the night of the release of the Op Ed?”

“You remember Fauntleroy, Flossy was away, and you and I were looking over her wardrobe. That is one of your favorite activities. You know how after a hard day's work, you like to let your hair down.”

Fauntleroy glanced around, he waved his arm, “Yes, yes, let’s move on. We are not going to get to the bottom of this talking about our leisure time activities. Who haven’t we heard from? Fortune, you have not been around in a while. What do you have to say for yourself?”

Fortune straightened the Windsor knot is his silk tie. “Me, I have been taking care of business as usual. We have taken care of the Russian order. We had to pay a penalty. But they are appeased for the moment. The next monthly distribution is coming due. We changed the name of your daughter’s businesses; the public will come back soon, as they have such short memories. It must be a Southern thing. Your sons are off partying, not paying too much attention to business. There are pictures around with them with new girls.”

“Those Southerners, God bless them, every one.” Felony brought the attention back to himself. “It’s getting pretty quiet around here. Perhaps it is time to have the fake passports delivered. I sense the hammer dropping.”

Oral spoke up, “Did you notice President Obama…”

Fauntleroy exploded, “I told you never to mention his name in this conference room.”

“So sorry, your holy Fauntleroyness. It will never happen again.”

Conherway opened the door of the conference room slowly. In her cackling voice she asked, “Are you almost done?”

Fauntleroy gulped down the rest of his soda, dabbed at some white powder on the table, “It appears that way.”

He stood, and she helped him from the room, grabbing the bag of powdered medication on her way out.

“Why am I walking? Why don’t I have a wheeled throne?” Fauntleroy asked Conherway.

Disclaimer


No part of this dialogue can be reproduced, redacted, reassembled or remembered. Any attempt to find truth, justice or the American way is a futile waste of time. The inconvenient truth is that all the names used are anagrams from the word Fauntleroy as the Page was named Earful.

Any attempt to investigate the facts, will be traced and your records highlighted, folded and stapled by the deep state.

Fauntleroy and Flossy are not for everyone. Consult your physic healer if you experience the onset of Nero political fatigue. Male Fauntleroy followers, it has been shown that once the Fauntleroy has been removed, your impudent behavior can be corrected; don’t be embarrassed to seek help; it is a mental health condition. Polls show that Fauntleroy and Flossy appeal to fewer and fewer people, as it dawns on them that the antics of Crazytown are consuming their energy in large quantities.

Other nations of the world, don’t try this at home. It is unsafe at any speed.

Apios Brand name guacamole used with permission.

No Caucasians were hurt in the writing of this satirical Hub.

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© 2018 mckbirdbks

Comments

mckbirdbks (author) from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas on September 11, 2018:

Hello mar - Yes, life can be a challenge. Crazytown is not the best place to be, yet we find ourselves drawn to the flickering lights and created atmosphere. According to Bob Woodward, Crazytown even offers the thrill of danger for all of us. Stay safe out there.

I am hoping that hurricane does not affect you or our friends along the East coast.

mckbirdbks (author) from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas on September 11, 2018:

Hello again Pamela - Thanks. Your husband and I must be close to the same age.

Maria Jordan from Jeffersonville PA on September 11, 2018:

Dear Mike,

My challenging life is my excuse for being late to Crazytown - although it seems I never leave.

You succeeded in causing a smile, so thanks for that. Hugs, mar

Pamela Oglesby from Sunny Florida on September 11, 2018:

My husband served in Vietnam and he talked about some of the people that outranked him not being great also. You are right that life is a challenge.

mckbirdbks (author) from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas on September 10, 2018:

Hello Pamela - I respect your position. Not many employees, anywhere, get to speak their minds to their employer. Not many have the courage of their convictions, not in the political arena in any case. Thank you for reading this episode of Fauntleroy.

I was in the military and we were taught to respect the rank. But there were many pretty lame people there that outranked me. Life is a challenge.

Pamela Oglesby from Sunny Florida on September 10, 2018:

You made a bizarre happening into a funny dialoge. I actually think the NYT should not print an article that does not have a name of the source.

The office of the president no matter who is in office should be respected, and if what they said is true then resign. Stand up for what you believe to be true is my opinion. However, I found Fauntleroy very entertaining, and the crazy happenings are neverending any more!

mckbirdbks (author) from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas on September 10, 2018:

Hello Genna - Fauntleroy writes itself. I can barely type fast enough to keep up with the dialogue. It is troublesome to keep my distaste in check. 'These are the times that try men's souls - and women's too.'

I hope there was a smile or two.

They could all take a lie detector test - none of them could pass.

Genna East from Massachusetts, USA on September 10, 2018:

Delightful, Mike, and so creative! :-) Actually, I think that certain administration officials should take a polygraph. On one condition: That Fauntleroy takes one first. Can you imagine the number of zigzag blips that would engulf the computer screen before the thing crashed? Of course, Faunty would later claim the system was deliberately sabotaged -- rather like fake news and alternative facts. Sheesh -- you just can't make this crazy, neenu stuff up.

mckbirdbks (author) from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas on September 10, 2018:

Hi Patty - Thanks - In writing a piece like this a smile or laugh is all I can hope to receive.

Patty Inglish MS from USA and Asgardia, the First Space Nation on September 10, 2018:

Right you are on all points - and I really did laugh out loud a couple of times at this episode.

mckbirdbks (author) from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas on September 10, 2018:

Hello Patty - Yes, the mother-ship should send down the shuttle and take many of the aliens back to their planet where they belong. I think one of the cheerleaders actually proclaimed there are lizard people among us, and he should know.

I sure hope you got a little smile out of this. The room is full whenever Fauntleroy walks into it, alone or not.

It is possible that one demographic wont miss their freedom, until it has been taken away.

Patty Inglish MS from USA and Asgardia, the First Space Nation on September 10, 2018:

"Any attempt to find truth, justice or the American way is a futile waste of time." -- As Christopher Walken often says, "Wowwie Wow Wow!"

I have to say that about a dozen people in church joined the national circus yesterday in a corridor, one demographic group proclaiming that each other demographic group only whines and has no real pain. WTH? I may see BlacKkKlansman again next week in place of church.

Thanks for the entertainment and I hope someone from "Mars Attacks" scoops up several government officials.

Cheers!

mckbirdbks (author) from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas on September 10, 2018:

Morning Bill - Yes, Crazytown and all the little clowns that are acting like the carnival barkers is an ongoing, everyday event. The curtain needs to be brought down on many of the so-called leaders here.

mckbirdbks (author) from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas on September 10, 2018:

Hello Verlie - What is going on in our country is total madness. It is one constant drumbeat, scaring the game into an unknown trap. Just like in the movies. It looks a lot like we are being herded toward the cliffs. And here I sit making fun.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on September 10, 2018:

Just when you don't think it can get any crazier in Crazytown, it proves you wrong. I think I'd rather read your version rather than witness the real Crazytown.

Verlie Burroughs from Canada on September 09, 2018:

Rodney, sorry.

Verlie Burroughs from Canada on September 09, 2018:

Mike, this is like looking into a funhouse mirror, or seeing through the looking glass, so totally bizarre. I wonder where you get your ideas? And seriously, who did write the Op Ed piece? Do you think we'll find out? And Roger Dangerfield? Interesting schtick. At the far end of the pc spectrum. What a strange time we live in, appreciate your poking it with a stick.