Falling, a Poetic Way of Dealing With the Darkness

Updated on April 19, 2017

I’m falling.

I’m falling deep into myself and I’m afraid there’s no way out.

The darkness of my past deeds and the lust for the pain keeps coming in waves.

I try to keep it at bay but yet,

I’m still falling.

My hands reach through the putrid darkness,

I can smell the copper and infected blood dripping down my arms

I can’t see the green pus that gathers around the scabbing skin but my god I can smell it.

My feet are flailing in the air kicking out at the only source of light I can see.

Those eyes,

Those beautiful blue eyes.

I reach out and call for your help but instead you judge me.

You scream that I am nothing but a mistake even though the words sound sickly sweet like honey.

I cling to it and drag myself towards you wishing you could see that the candied words of “I love you” just so happened to be laced with poison of “you aren’t good enough.”

I will never be good enough,

And so,

I fall.

The eyes disappear, taken away by their own sickness.

That last bit of light was my only hope, even though they sliced through my skin like paper,

I needed those eyes!

But, they closed.

Never to open again.

I finally reached the bottom.

My body smashes to the floor, and even though I shatter like the glass you threw that stone at,

I am numb.

I feel nothing but the cold tile floor.

My lips tremble with apologies and begs for those blue eyes to return but there is nothing but darkness.

After an eternity of numbness, the stinging pain hits me.

No screams can bubble out of my throat or escape my chapped and bleeding lips.

There is nothing left.

I pick myself up and fumble at the wall

Trying to find anything that could give me the painful sting and blanket warm comfort like your words.

Something brushes against my hand.

A light switch.

I flip it on, suddenly blinded by the bright white light I hadn’t seen in so many years.

Once again I’m falling.

This time I can see.

I reach out my scarred arms blindly hoping to grab onto something.

A warmth I had not felt in so long gripped my hand and yanked me up.

I was face to face with green eyes that shimmered like stars in the sky.

My lips tried to form the words of thanks but I was silenced and pulled to my feet.

“Just hold on” a voice as smooth as caramel wrapped me in a sticky grip and held me there

Tears stung my tired eyes as I fell face first into the smell of fresh laundry and sweet tea.

At that moment, I knew,

I would never fall again.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, letterpile.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://letterpile.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)