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Falling, a Poetic Way of Dealing With the Darkness

I’m falling.

I’m falling deep into myself and I’m afraid there’s no way out.

The darkness of my past deeds and the lust for the pain keeps coming in waves.

I try to keep it at bay but yet,

I’m still falling.

My hands reach through the putrid darkness,

I can smell the copper and infected blood dripping down my arms

I can’t see the green pus that gathers around the scabbing skin but my god I can smell it.

My feet are flailing in the air kicking out at the only source of light I can see.

Those eyes,

Those beautiful blue eyes.

I reach out and call for your help but instead you judge me.

You scream that I am nothing but a mistake even though the words sound sickly sweet like honey.

I cling to it and drag myself towards you wishing you could see that the candied words of “I love you” just so happened to be laced with poison of “you aren’t good enough.”

I will never be good enough,

And so,

I fall.

The eyes disappear, taken away by their own sickness.

That last bit of light was my only hope, even though they sliced through my skin like paper,

I needed those eyes!

But, they closed.

Never to open again.

I finally reached the bottom.

My body smashes to the floor, and even though I shatter like the glass you threw that stone at,

I am numb.

I feel nothing but the cold tile floor.

My lips tremble with apologies and begs for those blue eyes to return but there is nothing but darkness.

After an eternity of numbness, the stinging pain hits me.

No screams can bubble out of my throat or escape my chapped and bleeding lips.

There is nothing left.

I pick myself up and fumble at the wall

Trying to find anything that could give me the painful sting and blanket warm comfort like your words.

Something brushes against my hand.

A light switch.

I flip it on, suddenly blinded by the bright white light I hadn’t seen in so many years.

Once again I’m falling.

This time I can see.

I reach out my scarred arms blindly hoping to grab onto something.

A warmth I had not felt in so long gripped my hand and yanked me up.

I was face to face with green eyes that shimmered like stars in the sky.

My lips tried to form the words of thanks but I was silenced and pulled to my feet.

“Just hold on” a voice as smooth as caramel wrapped me in a sticky grip and held me there

Tears stung my tired eyes as I fell face first into the smell of fresh laundry and sweet tea.

At that moment, I knew,

I would never fall again.

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