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Elusive Truth Follows Me Throughout My Life

I have stumbled across a new passion: writing. It is proving to be insightful and rewarding.

A sliver of sunlight comes in through the window with reflections of diamond dust floating about the shaft. Discovery of what the universe is trying to show me, teach me, and impress upon me is ever elusive. What is it I know is right in front of me? Why do I sense it, but refuse to accept it? My eyes see but my soul is just a fledgling flitting about like an immature and inexperienced adolescent.

Much of the time it comes down to that four letter word: fear. It spawns wonderment and apprehension at the same time, and another word like: seduction. It’s dangerous for my ego to wander on that side of the street. I sometimes misplace my desires and thoughts in a fake perspective.

I need to remember ego is a false illusion, raptured in euphoria wanting to feel an ever intense exhilaration and ravishment. An Aries through and through, I ever want to play mirrored by the imaginings of my mind. The heck with forethought or consequences. I don’t think that far ahead and that’s where I get into trouble.

What is the universe trying to tell me? What is it trying to convey? A warning perhaps. Am I balanced through and through? Is it why I occasionally have that fight or flight sensation?

Am I ignoring what is right there in front of me? Am I in denial about who I really am? Why I am? What I should be doing. Why do I sense something is wrong? I feel like a bad dog. I’ve been naughty. Not listening, not doing what I’m told. Not paying attention, day dreaming, lolly gagging. The old fashion programming is still ever present within the dark confines of my mind. It needs to be replaced with the light of ten thousand suns. I’m still ever elusive of new thinking, letting go, and I’m still following my upbringing and what other’s want me to be. I’m still conforming to what I was taught.

With the thought and intention of blossoming like the ever elusive truth I try to ignore, I put a remembrance throughout the barrenness inside my heart, mind and soul. I claim peace for my mind, kindness to be spoken in my words, and most of all, glowing gratitude and love for the truth blossoming throughout my heart.

I acknowledge the true essence of myself. Am I so afraid? Yes and no, not so much anymore. I have lot’s of questions and still I’m never willing to answer them all.

I hope one day to have all my questions answered. I hope to go to my grave with spiritual enlightenment, the knowing and hope of an eternal life in the celestial city.

© 2020 Laurie S Novak

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