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Eating Vanilla Ice Cream in Hell

I have been writing poetry, fiction and short stories for many years and have completed a book of poems. I also enjoy comedy writing.

Evil Ice Cream Man

Evil Ice Cream Man

A simple ice-cream vendor, slowly driving through the neighbourhood with that annoying evil ice-cream song all dogs seem to dislike. Growls and barks disturbs the subliminal message which plays from the van that draws everyone to want to buy some ice-cream. The vendor hates dogs and the dogs hate him as they are aware of his evil demeanour but simply has no means of telling the other humans. It is a hot summer and the little kids are out trying to stay cool from the heat by playing water war. The ice-cream van breaks the turn and the little kids are happy. Little tommy Jones runs to his half drunken Pa and tells him the Ice-cream van is near and he wants a buck to go get some ice-cream. His father runs him away at the first beg but Tommy was a persistent little rascal. He stood there annoying his drunken Pa until he dipped in his pocket and took out 50cents and threw it at him and told him to go get half a cone.

Tommy looked at his dad, shook his head and said, “Well I guess giving me half a dollar just tells who you are, half of a man.”

“Wait, what you said to me you little cow dung, you better git or else I will bust a blister on that smart ass of yours.”

Tommy scuffled up the 50 cents and ran out of his home as fast as he could to meet the ice-cream van. By this time, the line was long as all the kids in the neighbourhood wanted to get ice-cream. All the kids had a paper dollar in their hand but Tommy had 50cents, not enough to get him a cone. But he joined the line despite his shortening hoping that the ice-cream vendor would have a heart and give a poor kid an ice-cream cone despite being unable to afford the full cost. The kids were happy with their cones. Some got chocolate chip, some got vanilla cherry, and some got chocolate and so on. They were happy customers, walking and licking away at the melting ice-cream running don their fingers from the cone. Little Tommy was the last kid to be served. He walked up to the vendor and simply stopped and stared at him.

“Well, what will it be young one?” Asked the vendor.

Tommy looked at the 50 cents in his hand, looked back up at the ice cream vender and slowly responded. “Err, Mr. ice-cream man sir. I asked my Pa for a dollar to get a cone and he only gave me 50 cents. Can I get a smaller cone and not a full one dollar cone kind sir?”

“Well well, why didn’t you say that instead of staring at me like an evil zombie? Of course I will give you an ice cream cone chap. Tell you what, since you are a special little kid, I will let you keep your 50 vents and give you a double cone. How does that sound boy?”

“Golly Mister. Wow that sounds pretty good to me.”

The ice-cream vendor gave Tommy one of the biggest ice cream cone he had ever seen. Tommy licked his lips and then did the same with his ice cream cone. He got his favourite flavour, Vanilla.

“I see you are enjoying that?”

“Yes, slurp, yes, slurp, yes sir I am for sure?”

“Have you ever seen inside an ice-cream van boy?”

“No Sir, My name is Tommy.”

Evil Ice Cream Van

Evil Ice Cream Van

“Well tommy, today is a special lucky day. Come on abroad and ride with me around the block awhile. You can help me serve ice-cream to other kids and eat as much as you want.”

“Gosh Mr. Vendor, I don’t know. My Pa always told me to never go with strangers.”

“You have a good Pa son. Listen to him. But the ice-cream man is no stranger. Look at all your friends down the road enjoying their ice-cream. They all know and love me. The ice-cream man is no stranger, no not at all.”

“Well, I guess you are right.”

“Well then, get on in!”

Tommy jumped inside the ice-cream van and the ice-cream vendor gave a very cynical grin.

“Ready Tommy?”

“Ready Sir.”

“Well, let’s go!”

The vendor gave Tommy another cream as he had already gulped down the first. He then closed the serving door and slowly rolled out his ice-cream van without the evil sound playing. Tommy was too busy with his face buried in his ice cream cone to notice that the van had left his neighbourhood and was heading away from his home.

“Tommy then looked up and saw that he did not know where he was. “Sir, where are we. I thought we were going around my block? Please take me home.”

The Ice cream vendor gave out a wicked which seemed to echo.

“Home, you will never see home again little one. You are going somewhere special. Somewhere where we can harvest your little soul. You are going to hell. Tommy was stuck in the middle of licking his Vanilla ice cream and to what the hell is going on. Then suddenly a black portal opened and the ice-cream van sped into it and disappeared from off the road. In the split of a second the van was in another place. There was fire all around. Tommy looked out the window and saw little boys in chained by their necks and screaming out in a bitter anguish. Some had candy in their hands while some had weaners stuck between their jaws. They were moaning a terrible moan. Something that sounded like when the Cable guy was always locked away in his Mom’s room fixing the cable.

When Tommy accepted that ride in the ice –cream van, he had then sold his soul unwillingly. He was tricked by the Candy demon. Otherwise called the Ice-cream man into entering the carriage to hell where he would never return. Tommy’s little soul remains in hell up to this day with his continuous licks of vanilla ice-cream which had driven him way past the pointy of a hellish insanity.

© 2018 Clive Williams

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