“When all of the world says we won’t make it through, we’ll battle the world…”
There comes a time in a man’s life when he reaches a point of exhaustion. A moment where important options flood your mind, but you don’t know what to choose. You feel tired of everything. You wish to go back to the time when you didn’t have to make these choices; a time where someone else makes them for you. But you wake up to reality and grasp the awful truth that you’re on your own. The choices you make define who you are, but if you cannot make a choice, who are you then? Are you an empty shell walking around the face of the earth with no sense of purpose at all? Or are you just confused like a teenager with thick eyeliner who worships emo music? Then, this moment arrives. Your mind is so crowded with thoughts that you can’t focus on any of them anymore. You feel like you’re in a rock concert but all you hear is silence. And you wonder, is this what they call peace? Or is it the calm before the storm? Your legs become numb; you just lay back. What else could you do? You look at the sky; you look at the stars. They’re light years away but only beyond your reach. This peace, is it as vast as the universe? But everything has an end, everything.
The moment of silence slowly fades. Your troubles rain down and when it rains, it pours. You try to run; you try to hide. But nothing you do can stop it. Finally, you stand. You fight the demon inside but you’re weak. You’ve done everything, but it’s still alive. You’ve drowned it with alcohol and burned it with cigarettes but it’s still growing stronger. It eats you up inside like maggots on a dead rat. It consumes you; it crawls inside until you can’t take it anymore. You want it to end. But how will it end? You don’t know but you really do. Cold, soulless and razor sharp, you take away your own warmth. You’re willing to give up everything for it to end, everything.
All of the choices in your mind become blurs of someone you have forgotten. You realize who that is but then again, you really don’t. The desiccated soil came to life because of your crimson tears. Then you hear the silence once again. The silence that you thought you were looking for. It doesn’t satisfy your thirst for peace. The stars all shut off their brightness. Everywhere you look is pitch-black. So black that it blinds your eyes. You didn’t want this, but this is your chose. Away from the trouble life brings; away from life itself. This choice is very easy. An easy way out of your troubles, but the price you have to pay is very precious. You have to give everything up, everything.
Now you wake up from your small glimpse of death, relieved that it was just a product of your subconscious mind. The flame of courage then burns ever intensely in your heart. You are determined to face life and whatever hardships it may bring. You realize that an easy way out of your troubles is not a way at all. You rise up and get on with your life. You prepare yourself for every minute that time throws at you. You know that the trouble that life gives isn’t meant to weaken you, but to make you stronger. And you say to life, “Go ahead! Give me your best shot! I’m ready for everything you will attempt in order to challenge me, everything”.
© 2018 Raige Maglalang