Automatic reactions are not the only way to respond. Sometimes if you give yourself time to think, you find many more choices.
Let Your Surroundings' Determine Your Next Move
Patience is a crazy thing, it makes people foggy in the brain, causing the body to get confused on what step to take next. It almost becomes physically agitating to just sit in one spot and do nothing, so more times than not, we just move in any direction hoping it leads somewhere worthwhile.
My mind is wondering as I sit here thinking about what I need to do next. I am seated in a chair in a waiting room, located on the 3rd floor of this medical building; waiting for my name to be called, surrounded by old magazines and repetitive dreary waiting room music. I started to feel more and more anxious by the minute. It wasn't a very large space, so I heard noises from across the room, I heard the shuffling feet of everyone that walked by. Not to mention the sound of exhausted nursing staff at hour 8 during a 12 hours shift. They were slamming the phone, typing very loudly and shuffling papers all over the place. It was not very rambunctious in the waiting room around me, but still chaotic in the background, as I observed doctors walking by and nurses throwing files around. The phone was constantly ringing, having to listen to that same nurse repeat those same words for every greeting, then have her slam it back down on the receiver. This is your typical waiting room I suppose, very boring but also a little cozy. The way waiting rooms are supposed to be... a place to just sit and wait. The room wasn't very big and there were chairs lined all along the wall and a couple of rows in the middle. I sat in the back right corner.
I released an audible sigh without trying to be too loud. I glanced around the room to pick up on who I was surrounded by. It looks like an average group of sick individuals, or people who believe that they are sick enough that they are unable to heal on their own and need the assistance of a professional. Approximately 5 to 10 people are in here at any given time; a couple getting up to leave and some more walking in. These people believe that a licensed physician is able to miraculously make all their problems vanish into a puff of smoke, little do they know that a doctor can only do so much. So why am I here? I got lost in thought again when I found my eyes rest on the wall behind all the other faces, it was very decorative and was painted a beautiful shade of purple. They were pretty smart to make the wall that shade... I can not stop staring; It looked like a wall made of plaster, and while constructing this formation, it appears as though the designer added a little texture to the wall, which was a very nice touch. It is very pleasing to the eye, but very hard to clean I could imagine.
I sank back into my chair, it was one of those old leather chairs with wooden arms. It was surprisingly comfortable for how new it looked. I closed my eyes for a little bit to give my vision a chance to recharge. I took a deep breath to rid my nervous system from overreacting. I could hear the nurses talking and people around me making noise. The person to my right shifted in her seat, made a loud huff. She doesn't sound very patient. I tuned her out and expanded my hearing to the doctors in the back. They sounded busy, could be why I have been here for so long. I guess it is pretty difficult to get more help, then again not all doctors are the same.
I didn't really hear the people in the waiting room anymore and was laser focused on the voices I cannot place. It is all muffled, the sound you hear when you try to listen to someone who has their face shoved into a pillow, or like when you walk around in public and recognize a human voice in another sector of a building but also cannot identify what the words are or where it is coming from. I tried to listen to only one at a time but it felt impossible. The louder things became around me the more difficult it felt to strain my ears.
My eyes shot open when I realized how to volume in the room suddenly changed. I did not have to strain before, but I do now. Why? The noises I was picking up were not voices, or even music... It kind of sounded like something that would come straight from a very old trumpet of some kind, like very old. I heard a changing pitch go from low to high. I looked around the room in which was different now. The walls were more of a black, or perhaps a shade right above black with a touch of deep violet. But the wall had a different texture than before, this time is actually kind of appears to be moving. I squinted to focus more on the wall... it indeed was shifting. I got caught up in the pattern of the wall, as I began taking a deep breath... almost simultaneously the room expanded with my lungs. I was aware of it but didn't react at first because I was honestly unsure of where I was, or what the hell could possibly be happening!
Going back in my memory, I remembered that I came to the doctor's office for a persistent issue. I was waiting with a few other people, in this very room... but not how it looked now. I do not see their faces, I also could not seem to remember every looking any of them in the face. All I notice are backs of heads and angled profiles. As I look around now I see those same people but they are in some sort of trance. OR maybe they are just waiting. I cannot tell at this point. There was a weird smell that suddenly started to fill my nostrils. It smelled a little like lavender but also burning wood. It was comforting. There are noises in the back I was trying to listen to. My awareness shifted to the door leading to where I assume could be where the voices are coming from, but I wasn't too sure. The nurse was sitting there at the phone, from where I was sitting she did not look to be that busy. I managed to remove myself from this chair to a standing position. Turning my head from side to side and stretching my legs a little to give my brain time to make a decision. At the same moment I heard a blood curdling scream come from a different room behind that wall. The sudden change in pitch caused my heart to race and adrenaline shoot through my body. I wanted to run through that door and be someone's hero, but I did not. I was pumped to race back there, but I decided it might be best to stand here a second and allow my heart to slow down and analyze the situation. Who are those people and what risk would I be taking to try and save them? Would I end up dead in the process?
I saw other people running from a random location from a back door I didn't notice before. They were holding weapons and screaming. That was a little weird I thought to myself but decided to just react to it happening instead of trying barge into someone else's fight. I am not even sure who those people are; if they are being chased, or they are the ones being hunted. They were not after me so I will leave it alone. I shut that idea of anyone else running around out of my realm of attention. I decided to get in the back and find out what could be causing this; and simply because I am damn curious and feel pulled to venture through the door to the unknown. I began to walk towards to the door. It looked like your commonplace doctor's office door, probably metal. It took about 5 steps to get to the door and once I opened it I was shocked at what I saw.
It was actually not even a doctors office. I glanced back behind me and saw the waiting room, then turned back to the doorway and it looked like one of those fancy business office rooms that you would see from a millionaire from the 80's. There was a woman dressed in black sitting behind the desk. She had her face covered with a fedora style black hat. She was just sitting there looking down at her desk. I only saw half of her face, she was buried in the shadows. Mysterious. I stood there in the doorway for another couple of seconds trying to wrap my head around what I was seeing. I suppose that the woman picked up on my energy and softly spoke the words, "Well, shut the door already." She said it in such a hushed tone I almost did not understand what she was saying. It was so quiet at first I was unable to tell if she was talking to me, or at all. I guess my body understood, because before I realized what was going on, I was closing the door behind me.
Once the door shut I felt a shock in my hand, causing me to automatically react with a jump and an involuntary yelp from my voicebox. My chest got tense for a second, as if there was an electric shock voltage race through my entire body. I hunched over a little to take the impact of the pain. As I regained control of my body I opened my eyes and that woman was standing right in front of me. She was probably about a foot away and staring directly into my eyes. I felt comfortable as opposed to what I should feel, which is what. I have never been in this situation.
I had to take a step back and re analyze this setting I was now in. But before I could start my train of thought the woman stepped closer to me capturing every bit of attention I had. As if to rope back my wondering train of thought. She got so close that I could feel the heat radiate from her body, I felt her hands land on my waist, which of course took me by surprise but I allowed it to happen. Her face as coming increasingly closer to mine, I thought her lips were going to land on mine. It was so slow watching it happen. Gazing at her beautiful lips as they come closer. She passed right by my lips, dragging hers across my cheek as she positioned her face against mine to where here lips were right at my ear now. She began pulling me right up against her torso with her hands that were gently placed on my hips. This caused my heart to drop completely, she did not give me time to react; but she was doing all the things that make me feel vulnerable. I began to get very aroused in this moment. I felt my hips get tight and my lower back arch a little, she picked up on that and only gripped harder slightly digging her nails into the skin on my lower back. I could feel her breath against my ear and it made a jolt of adrenaline rush through my veins. My breathing got more labored, I just closed my eyes as I felt to anxiety get generated in my cells and just inhaled her aroma, she smells of vanilla sugar cookies. I took a very deep breath as I felt my body sink into her embrace even deeper. I don't feel like doing anything else but stand here at this exact spot with her this close to me. I do not know who she is, but she is making me feel like I do. We stood there like that for what felt like a lifetime. The room around us disappeared as quickly as it appeared. Suddenly it was blurry all around us as if nothing else existed but the two of us; right here, right now.
I felt my mind get off track, "Wait", I managed to let out with my voice, without even moving the rest of my body, I said it in such a hushed tone that I did not think she heard me. But I was merely millimeters from her ear at this point, I am sure she could hear my heart beat. The next words that came from her lips caused all remaining anxiety to dissipate. She took a deep breath and whispered in my ear, "It does not matter what you did yesterday, or what you will do tomorrow... all that matters is what are going to do right now."
I pulled back and made eye contact with her. She felt familiar and comfortable on all levels. "Who are you?" I asked her whilst connecting my eyes with hers. she said nothing wit her voice, but wit her mind it seemed. She transferred the information that I needed to know, she is someone I have been looking for. She smirked at me and the next move I did without even hesitating.
Next thing I knew, my hands were grabbing a handful of her hair and my tongue was in her mouth.
"RING... RING... RINGGGGG..." I shot up in my seat, taking a minute to remember where I was, viewing the lady behind the desk, talking on the phone in that cringy way, the phone that was previously ringing. As I glanced around I discovered that I was seated in a leather chair, in a waiting room, with purple walls. I glanced to the lady next to me as she made the most disgusting noise with her mouth. I turned my nose up rolling my eyes as I leaned back into my seat, staring at the ceiling.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2021 Virginia