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Christians Vs Zombies

The Dead Awake

It is 4:54 AM. Matthew Kristiansen finishes his breakfast as his wife Rachael prepares his brown bag lunch. Matthew puts on his jacket and walks to Rachael. She hands him the brown bag and he gives her a peck on the lips.

Rachael – “Drive carefully and have a blessed day.”

Matthew – “You too have a blessed day dear.”

With that Matthew saunters to the garage door. Rachael steps to the doorway. The garage door opens and Rachael waves to Matthew as he backs out of the garage.

Matthew drives out of the well-maintained cul-de-sac and into the darkness. A CD of his pastor’s sermon plays on the radio. The pastor tells the congregation “Happy Sunday and Praise the Lord” as Matthew turns onto the highway ramp. His is the only car on the highway.


This morning in my continuing series on The Ten Commandments I am going to talk about the 8th commandment. It is written in Exodus 20:15, “Thou shalt not steal”. For those of you who grew up Roman Catholic or are Lutherans you might think, “Hey that’s the 7th commandment. Well that’s a discussion for another day.

The highway takes a turn and the city lights are visible on the horizon.


I know many of you are probably thinking you don’t have to concern yourself with this. You’ve never robbed a bank or stole a car, or even cheated on your taxes. Just because you haven’t stolen by the world’s standards that doesn't mean you’re in the clear. The world’s standards aren’t God’s standards.

Matthew drives down a stretch of highway. After he passes a couple of figures emerge from the woods and step onto the highway.


Sick days are for when you’re sick. Sick doesn’t mean you have an eye problem because you can’t see going to work.

There is mild laughter from the audience.

As Matthew drives down the road there is a car driving at very high speed in the opposite direction on the other side of the divided highway.


Surfing the internet. Unless you are being paid specifically to surf the internet, surfing the internet when you are supposed to be working is stealing.

In a ditch near the side of the road, not visible to Matthew, is an overturned car. The car’s radio is on.

Radio Announcer:

Police advise people to stay in their homes until more information is known. As of this moment reports of roving bands of attackers are unconfirmed.

Matthew takes an exit at the outskirts of the city.


Does you employer pay you to sit around the watercooler and talk about what happened last night on the most popular TV show?

Matthew drives into the empty parking lot of a tall office building. He steps out of the car and makes his way to the building’s front door. A lurking figure in the darkness staggers towards Matthew. Matthew unlocks the front door with his key card and enters the building. The figure nears the door as the door slowly closes. The door closes and locks just before the zombie reaches it.

Matthew steps into the elevator and presses the button for the 13th floor.

Matthew makes his way through a labyrinth of cubicles then steps into his cubicle. There is a large pile of work in his in box.

There are three zombies at the building’s front door.

The Living Awake

Rachael is having her quiet time in her living room. The clock on the wall reads 7:13. Indistinct noise and some movement past her window catches her eye. The curiosity gets the better of her and she looks out the window. She sees armed people, mostly women and children, rushing past her window.

Rachael steps outside. A woman with two pistol belts and carrying 4 rifles and some bandoliers of ammunition calls out to Rachael. “Don’t just stand there. Get your gun.”

“What is going on?”

“Didn’t you hear it on the news?”

“I haven’t watched television or –”

“Zombies are coming.”

“There is no such thing as zombies.”

“You can tell them that when they come but you are better off letting your guns do the talking.”

“I don’t have a gun.”

“Do you know how to shoot one?”

“My daddy taught me how to –”

“Here take one of mine.”

The woman hands Rachael a rifle and a bandolier. "Now come with me". Rachael runs with the other woman to where the neighbors form a firing line.

At the office building Matthew is working at his desk. His unread emails and the pile in his inbox have declined considerably. Outside an out of control vehicle, with zombies hanging onto it, hits into some zombies before it crashes through a window. There are short screams as zombies attack the vehicle’s occupants. Some zombies creep through the broken window.

At the cul-de-sac a child on one of the roofs yells; “About a dozen are coming! Straight ahead!”

The woman next to Rachael yells, “Remember, only head shots count.”

A few zombies emerge from the trees on a hill. The firing line opens fire. Rachael’s first shot hits a zombie in the shoulder. Her second shot grazes its cheek. The third shot is right between the eyes and the zombie collapses.

A woman gives rifle instructions to her young daughter. The girl fires a round that strikes a zombie in the chest, slowing the zombie down. “Alright now aim higher. We need head shots.” The girl fires again and the zombie collapses. “Very good honey.”

A male and a female zombie walk side by side. The male is wearing pajama bottoms. The female is wearing a negligee. A woman views them through the scope of her rifle. “Look it’s my ex and his girlfriend.” The woman fires two rounds. “Roast in hell you two!”

The Final Assault

At the office Matthew is eating his lunch at his desk. He only has a few unread emails and his inbox is almost empty. Zombies are milling around the lobby. Some find an unlocked door to a stairwell and zombies stagger in and slowly climb the steps.

At the cul-de-sac a child on one of the roofs yells. “Coming straight ahead! Hundreds of them!”

A woman on the firing line yells. “As we discussed, wait until I give the order to fire.”

A horde of zombies appear among the trees on the hill.

Rachael sings, “Glorious things of thee are spoken.” The others on the firing line join in. As the zombie horde meanders closer the woman giving orders gives a calm command, “Steady”. The first of the zombie horde reaches the roadway as the line finishes singing the first stanza. The woman giving orders yells, “Fire!”. The line fires a volley, the zombies in front collapse. The woman repeats the order, “Fire!”. The line lets looses another volley, the zombies walking in front collapse on top of the other inanimate zombies. The woman yells, “fire!” and the volley drops the zombies stumbling over the other inanimate zombies. The woman orders, “fire at will!”. The line lets out a continuous barrage of fire. Rachael fires until her magazine is empty. She takes out the empty magazine, inserts another, and resumes shooting. There are empty shell casings all around her.

There are soldiers inside a moving tactical vehicle. A mounted machine gun is firing. A first lieutenant gives instructions to the soldiers:

While it would be nice if we could rescue some people, our primary goal is to secure the infrastructure and business records. That’s why they didn’t just nuke the cities.

The tactical vehicle convoy screeches to a stop and the soldiers rush out.

Zombies crowd the stairwell. The zombies in front have reached the 12th floor. A zombie clicks the door open. Some amble through the doorway while others continue climbing the stairs.

Matthew’s inbox is empty. There are 0 unopened emails. Matthew cleans around his office.

In the parking lot a colonel monitors the progress of the troops from a Humvee. A voice crackles over the radio, “Second floor is secure.” Soldiers drag bodies out of the building. Inside the lobby, a few soldiers stand guard as the other soldiers drag out bodies.

Zombies reach the 13th floor. Matthew sees the time. He shuts down his computer and exits his cubicle. Zombies stagger through the 13th floor doorway. Matthew reaches the elevators.

In the lobby the elevator dings. The soldiers look at each other.

“I thought we weren’t supposed to use the elevator?”

“Would they know how to use the elevators?”

The elevator door opens. Matthew steps out of the elevator. The soldiers point their rifles at him. Matthew puts his hands up. “What’s going on?” A soldier exclaims, “He’s alive.”

Two soldiers grab him and rush him out of the building.

The Aftermath

Some time later Matthew is in his car as a captain gives him instructions.

The highway out of the city is secure. Keep you radio on and for God’s sake follow any instructions.

Matthew says “Thank you and God bless you.” He starts his car and turns on the radio.

As Matthew maneuvers his vehicle around pyres of corpses the radio talks about the events of the day.

The loss of life in the major cities are of Biblical proportions. In the rural and suburban areas ad hoc militia groups prevented a much greater carnage. Max Simpleton from one of our sister stations it talking with a leader of one such ad hoc militia.

I’m Max Simpleton and I’m talking with Mary Jamison who rallied her neighbors into an armed force that prevented these Non-Living Humans, NLHs, from ravaging her subdivision.

Mary, to what do you attribute your group’s success in neutralizing the threat in your subdivision?

Three things, God, guns, and guts.

Matthew nears his cul-de-sac. On the opposite side of the roadway there is a long, smoldering, pile of burnt skeletal remains.

Matthew and Rachael sit down to eat dinner. They say grace. Then Matthew says to Rachael, “so how was your day dear?”

© 2018 Robert Sacchi

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