Are you listening to me?
Ever since you left, people always seem to want to listen to what I would say. They would text me all day, call me at random times at night, some of them would even show up uninvited and spend the rest of the day with me. They would always try to get me to talk, but I didn’t really have anything to say. The days were just like any other ones I’ve spent, doing what I’m supposed to do, doing what I want to do, and then going to bed before it repeats.
Except the bed doesn’t feel as warm anymore.
When they could not get me to talk, or what I said was not what they wanted to hear, they started talking instead. Telling me all about life, and how everything is going to be okay, saying the things that I guess the internet told them to say to someone who lost someone.
“The wounds will close. It won’t always hurt.”
“Your longing will fade. It won’t always be there.”
“The house will not always be this big. One day you will get used to it.”
They all said the same thing, that time will take away all the pain.
But they are wrong.
The only thing time takes away are the pages of a calendar. The pain still remains. A little number for sure, but it is there.
They told me how the memories are forever, how the experiences we have been through are for always, how every waking moment that we spent together will always be there waiting for me in my dreams, but frankly, if I could have a wish, I want them all to be gone. These moments are nothing but a reminder of what we could have been, but since we cannot be that anymore I would rather it be forgotten. I will rather be a piece of blank paper, no scratches, no marks, no nothing than to be crumpled and torn. You cannot uncrumple a piece of paper, the wrinkles will always be there. So instead of being thrown and tossed around like trash, why not just set it on fire?
At least then I will be free.
© 2022 Alison Lian