Exhausted. Anxious. Angry. Hopeless. I breathed in, taking all the worries, every single thing on my mind, disturbing me, inside me. It was as if just wanted to strangle someone and push out all my rage on something that was weak. Vulnerability, the point I had reached, where I could destroy myself, unveiling the darker side of me, I could see through my eyes how if not controlling myself, i can bring disasters for me and people around me. Nothing seemed worthy enough that I could not lose my temper for. Inhaling was the only option she gave me.
Counting till ten, underneath NY breath, I closed my eyes and sat still. With closed eyes, I saw myself flying in sky or maybe it was a dive I took off a cliff. Then splashes and I am in the sea. The salt pinching my eyes but I laugh at myself. Standing at the cliff I was scared to take a lunge that I might drown but seeing that i didn't gives me hope that I can, despite all my fears, live.
A gasping sound, no not a gasp but a sound of relief maybe. I feel tranquility. I know I am vulnerable yet I can control myself from doing any harms. All the tensions in my mind cease and I start seeing solutions for all my problems that seemed too difficult to solve. I put two and two together and get four. And shout, Peace seems to be standing right at my doorstep, i just need to open the door and let it in. I smile and the changing colors of the sky through the window say, "Not the right time to give up, eh?!".
© 2021 Osman Ghazi