Beware the Spaghetti Monster
Spaghetti Can Be Very Dangerous
I Know and Realize That
when we all look at a delicious bowl (or plate) of spaghetti, our dreams run wild about "that" special girl (or guy) whatever the case may be, and for my life, I cannot tell you what spaghetti has to do with love. This my friends, is one of the deepest, most-complex mysteries of the universe.
Imagine for a moment that you have just entered your grandmother's home at any given evening, but when you are young, you seldom worry about days and nights when your granny is doing the cooking. Granny's name is "Granny," a fitting name, easy to remember, but what a cook! She could easily keep up with Gordon Ramsay any day of the week. But guess what she is cooking tonight? Her specialty: spaghetti with her home-made sauce, beef meatballs, and toasted Grecian bread. Only you, "Granny," and a special guest (you do not know about) will be attending this feast.
By the way, you are 17, if you want to relive your teen years. You sit in her living room and inhale that wonderful aroma from her kitchen. The aroma is so good that your taste buds are screaming for food. But "Granny" is not one for hurrying. She is very patient. This only one of the reasons why she is know far and wide for being the Best Home Made Cook around. Fact: "Granny" has never applied for or worked for any of those uptown Italian restaurants--although she could handle the work, it is just that she loves to cook in her kitchen and serve it to her family and strangers who might drop-by looking for a meal. "Granny" doesn't discriminate against anyone.
Now Dinner is Being Served
by "Granny," and you can tell by the glow on her face that tonight's spaghetti with trimmigs will be nothing short of excellent. You are hungry enough to eat your shoes, but you wait out of respect for her because she gets the first serving and bite, which is an old custom she has honored since she came from the Old Country, Italy.
You are so happy that it is only you and "Granny," about to eat like kings and queens with a set-up like this. For you, 17 years old, you are getting FREE food and talk and if you were to ask, she would invite you to stay the night because she has your room where you stayed when you and your parents had frequently squabbles. What a giving spirit that "Granny" is. The entire neighborhood knows her well as a giving woman. And she is highly-thought of by every neighbor.
When "Granny" begins to serve your delicious spaghetti, she serves and serves, and serves while that beaming smile is on her face, which means you have scored another great meal and you cannot wait to eat her fine cooking once again.
But there is something in the air. Something weird. Something strange. The spaghetti is more than delicious. Factually, her spaghetti could be sold (out of your trunk) for as much as $45-bucks a plate, but this might offend "Granny," and you love her too much to stoop so such enterprises to gain filthy lucre.
Take Time to Vote
Do You Like Spaghetti Better Than Steak?
Ready for a Surprise
is what I need to be asking you right about now, because it fits so well. There you sit with a plate of delicious spaghetti and your sweet “Granny” who is also enjoying the spaghetti that she has prepared well over 1,000 times because spaghetti is her easiest food to prepare.
Then your eyes lock with “Granny’s” eyes. Time is frozen. Your hearts start beating ever so slow. Then, as if right on script, “Granny” lends one of her huge smiles and says to you:
“Have you met my friend, Dale?” As this gorgeous girl slowly walks from thin air (you think) and waits for you to sit her chair out from the table in a most-lady-like fashion and what is so amazing is that she is also 17 like you. What a great moment, you think to yourself. You cannot keep your interest hidden. You just have to wink at this blonde beauty with a figure that would equal any Playboy model. Miss June to be exact.
“Granny,” explains that “Dale,” who lives two doors down from the house, visits her quite often to help her with her household chores because as “Granny,” says that she is not as young as “Dale” and cannot do the work that a young woman can do. She says all of this while serving “Dale” a moderate portion of spaghetti and starts a conversation with you.
“You ever seen a girl so beautiful?” “Granny” quizzes.
Your bite of spaghetti causes you to choke at “Granny’s” sudden question.
“Uhhh, (cough, wheeze), no, grandmother, I uhhh, (gasp, wheeze), really have not, but she is so beautiful like you said.” You say while making eye contact with “Granny,” then to “Dale” who is now trying to recover from her embarrassment.
“Son, have another serving or two of this great spaghetti,” “Granny” says as she smiles again and reaches for more spaghetti to put on your plate. Firstly, you think to not take on anymore to eat, but you know that sometimes it is better to take such pressure because it will pay dividends later.
This Moment Will
live forever. The moment where you realize that the stack of spaghetti on your plate is bigger than the spaghetti on both “Granny” and “Dale’s” plate. Sweat begins to puddle on your neck and slowly drips down your back sending chills up and down your back. You squirm, but neither “Granny” and “Dale” notice, but wait what is waiting on you.
“Granny,” like an Anaconda, starts to glare right into your eyes as her demeanor changes from mild, demure and humble to cold, tough, and ready to pounce on you or anything else that moves under its own power. Now you think that you are dreaming, but then know that you are NOT into a dream, because the girls in your real life thinking is NOT as gorgeous as this “Dale” girl.
“I said eat this next serving of my spaghetti,” “Granny” yells. “Dale” just stares at you as your hands shake as you pass your plate to “Granny” for more spaghetti.
Slowly and calculating, you take your plate which is now running-over with hot spaghetti and then your hands shake more and more and the sweat on your neck has grew into small creeks that have wet your shirt in the back and thanking God that “Granny” and “Dale” have not seen your embarrassment . . .yet.
“Granny,” then smiles an evil smile, which causes you to think of demon possession due to “Granny” never looking as she does now . . .gruff and evil. But you keep your mouth shut because you do not know what “Dale” is going to do with “Granny” and her complete change of personality and look on her face.
“Granny” looks at you in a cold stare for a moment, then asks you, “hey, ‘Dale,’ isn’t she pretty? If you think so, then start eating spaghetti from her plate . . .NOW!” her voice so stern that almost causes your heart to stop. Truly, this old lady is changing from a loving grandmother into some demon that will surely take your life or worse, do something evil if you do not obey her and eat from “Dale’s” plate. What a dilemma, you think.
It is a wonder that with “Granny’s”change of personality and “Dale,” who has sat motionless and saying nothing, has not affected you in some fearful sound that you would make and even run for your life if you were not still full of spaghetti.
You manage to eat three bites of spaghetti from “Dale’s” plate and you notice the glimmer of a feminine smile as your face is pale from the gorging that “Granny” has ordered you do to. You are praying inside that this dream will end.
“Stand up, son . . .NOW,” screams “Granny” in a shrill-but-mascuine voice. Now you are getting scared. What is more frightful is that as “Granny” was yelling at you, her lips did not move.
You shake all over as you manage to stand, then notice how your stomach bulges from the load of spaghetti that you have forced down. “Granny” and “Dale” point at you and laugh like hyenas and shake their chairs from their laughter. You, on the other hand, just stand and say nothing. Could be, this is the wisest thing that you could do.
“Now, son, you run around this table seven times . . .NOW” “Granny” yells even louder. “I need to get you in shape.” Now your back is soaked from sweat. Your hands are also wet with sweat and now shaking. What’s next, you wonder.
You start out this run as fast as you can run, and then stumble from the loose rug on “Granny’s” floor. “Granny” and”Dale” both laugh loudly again. You manage to get back on your feet, look at the two of them, and begin to run again. You are now feeling much like a pure fool for being made to look so stupid by the likes of this old woman and the airhead “Dale.”
Time Again to Vote
Had You Rather Eat Spaghetti With or Without Sauce?
Then Something Completely
out of the blue, a thick, white smoke begins to fill the room. “Granny” and “Dale” start coughing and choking from the smoke, but what is amazing is that you do not choke or cough, but stand still—not showing any effort to continue running.
“Hey! Grandson, where are you?” “Granny” asks then starts to stand-up and then stumbles onto the table allowing the pan of spaghetti to spill onto her. “Dale” screams like those girls in a cheap horror movie and stands-up holding her hands to her mouth and closing her eyes tightly.
“Right here, Grandma,” you say quietly and respectfully. In a few minutes your life is about to change . . .again.
Suddenly, the thick white smoke is sucked out of the room and into the heat duct in the ceiling. You look stunned and stay standing motionless. “Granny” looks at you in a very scared face. But you do not see “Dale” whatsoever.
“Where’s ‘Dale,’” you ask while “Granny” is wiping sweat from her face with her white apron that she has worn since you were a baby.
“’Dale?’ Who are you talking about, grandson?” “Granny” humbly asks looking down at the floor. “Say, young man. Are you hungry? I have some left-over spaghetti in the refrigerator. How about that?”
“And who is this ‘Dale’ person?” “Granny”looking very concerned continues to ask, but you are not there.
You quickly wish “Granny” a nice, peaceful evening and leave quicker than any Arizona jack rabbit ever ran.
Note: was this entire episode created by a demonic pan of spaghetti? You make the call.
July 20, 2019___________________________________________________________