I am a student of the Universe, who sees both. the uniqueness and sameness of us all...and thankfully GOD is still on the throne!!!
This is a story of hope...
""Dammit!" she screamed at no one and everyone all the same.She screamed at her absentee daughter and her no-good. husband who took his own life; 'coward!', she thought.
She screamed at the world gone crazy over a virus that was, what ? a bug? a cousin to the flu?
Who knew...and who cared?! She didn't 'because she wouldn't be around when the world came back to normal, or went crazier, or even found a cure.
After all she'd be joining the "coward"...she guessed she'd be one too.
As she sat at the edge of the bed; sleeping pills in hand ; yes- 'she'd. surely be one too, ' she thought..How dare he leave her behind.And as she wrote the last letter she'd ever write, she damned him , the world, her daughter, and even herself to the lowest parts of hell!
Then comes a knock...
"Oh my God!"she screamed,"Can't I do even this in peace?!"
She waited ,hushed, for them to go away; but the knock grew more intrusive...and louder.
She put the pills and pen down to answer her door..'Who does this?', she thought, halts their own demise , to answer the door? A pathetic 66 year old woman!She laughed at herself.Her laughter;even to her, sounded crazy.
When she opened the door this tall,young, lummox overshadowed her.
"Mrs. G-ggrahm?" he stammered."Yes?!" "Well, sorry to bother you ma'am..." "Then why??!!!" ,she bittered."Well, I'm your neighbor; couple houses down...", he paused;awaiting acknowledgement of the fact; instead, she accusingly..."How do you know my name?"" "Mailboxes tell secrets ..." he laughed at himself." You've been in my mailbox?!" "Oh no...no,no,no." She positioned to slam the door. "No ma'am ...ON, the mailbox...I saw it!"
"And...?" " Well, with this virus thing going on," he stammered as he wrung his big hands."Well, I know certain ones of our community may need assistance, with shopping or chores."
"You mean the elderly,huh?" "No. I mean pretty ladies who live alone..." He looked to the ground for help." Uh, that didn't come out right." "Oh, it did- and you DID mean the elderly..." She remembered a time when this clumsy charmer would have been a suitor.
She married the .one she thought most worthy of her. And he was for forty-two years Marlin Graham had been the best .'Why did you leave me here,to suffer old age alone?' She thought.
How could doctors say he only hahomonths to live...they weren God. Hell; even God wasn't God.
Linda Graham allowed the charming lummox in to grab her trash...whichv would appease him; get him out if her hairs, and she could go about joining her cowardly husband; who'd made her suffer without him. And the lummox dispatched the trash so fast she'd thought he had wings...
Then she thought,' i'f this is some sorta last minute save ,'God; I don't want it...'
As she was shuffling the charming one out the door , he stopped in his tracks ,and asked,
"Whose these two gorgeous people?"
He was pointing at her wedding picture, and she
started to cry...before she could object her guest was holding her in his arms..
"Okay, one. Cup of coffee..."
So they talked.And they talked.And before she knew it; of course; she was still going to kill herself; but she decided to wait a day.
And they kept talking .She described the pain of losing her husband to suicide; because he didn't want to battle the cancer. He described the pain of losing his mother to her addiction, and never knowing his father.She described her one and only daughter who must have blamed her for losing a father whom she always preferred over her.He described to her, his passion for motorcycles.She found out his name was James; and he was chatty.And he would call her nothing but Mrs. Graham.She found out he was 30.He found out her favorite color was teal, " to which he exclaimed, " That ain't even a color!!!
She at one point said, "I've never had coffee witha black man before", and after that bit of uncomfortable,unnecessary,news...they resumed talking like longtime friends. And he returned the next day,and the next. No matter how she insisted on he NOT doing something for her; he insisted on doing it all the more.Suddenly , without either of them realizing it...they'd become friends. And for a while she was still determined to end her existence.Putting it off till the next day;.again and again-till she forgot when she lost the need to do it.
About 365 sunsets later...
Linda received a. call. James had been in an acciden,
And apparently she was his emergency contact.She didn't know how to take that, after all he had friends...co-workers, .She didn't ever before think about how close they'd become.All she knew was that she was gonna kick his ass if he was seriously hurt.She'd cussed those damn motorcycles to no end.
She elated to find out that his injuries weren't anything too serious; and when the nurse was guneying James to a room to splint his leg ;amidst
their flirting-she heard the young lady ask,"Who was the panicky lady up-front?" To which he proudly replied, "Oh that's my mom."
Linda didn't know how or when this "adoption" had occurred; but she was glad about I it.She knew Mr. Graham would be too.
She started crying and nearly fell over when she realized shecouldnt remember the last time she'd thought of departing this plane and she knew she was. actually alive.