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Why Rejection is Painful? Behind the Evil Illusion of Society

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Sara is a creative writer and her vision is to spread Happiness, love and Optimistic thoughts.


Parisa's Home Description

It was a pleasant morning; the sun was shining at its peak. The window of my room opens into a congested narrow street from where I can listen to the whistle of a man sending balloons, the one calling out for sweet sugar cane and roasted coconuts. The kids with beamish faces gathered around the man selling crackers and peanuts. Some kids playing Gilli danda at the corner of the street exclaiming with excitement.

Parisa... Parisa...time to get up, my little sister called out my name.

When I peeeped outside my room’s door, all family members seemed to be busy in their respective departments as; my little sister is cleaning the old wooden door having infinite tiny little cracks, masonry work is again being done by my baba (father) to hide the torn sides of a brick wall. I have been asked to mop up the outside sitting area. I just flipped the cotton filled sofas so that the tearing part may hide to some extent. The silk cloth hanging outside the so-called drawing-room has been washed and pull over the wire for drying. Nobody at home is allowed to go into the drawing-room which consists of an 8” vase having red-colored artificial flowers, two ashtrays, An Islamic calendar hanging on the wall for the last 6 years, which my baba’s old friend gave him and 6 Islamic books and on the top shelf our holy Islamic book. There is a tray on the center table having cracked edges filled with colorful shining stones and dry leaves.

Again, my two little kittens got caught in a hen’s cage for the whole day. My amma (mother) remembers the Chaudhary Waqar but not on a good note because every year he failed to put garbage bins at the corner of our passage and road is still bumpy and short enough that it's difficult that two cars could cross each other. The place of the old Lahore is too congested and we have been living there for years after years. We didn't think to move…might be it’s quite affordable for us to live here.

Lahore City

Lahore City

Family Background:

My baba was a security guard during his whole life and being an honest person, he earned and spend on us and in return only demand loyalty and sense of responsibility. My amma was a pure housewife who looks after her family very well even on a low budget. My sister is doing B.B.A and brother is studying in Matric.

Getting Ready for the Guests:

My little brother has been asked to bring samosas and Delhi barhay from corner shop of Pappu uncle. The clock struck 4 p.m. The time for the arrival of guests is getting closer. I dressed up in light blue Shalwar Kameez with silk dupatta having silver lace on its corners. I wore matching jhumki’s (earrings) which my brother gave me on my last birthday. I came to know that he had been saving the money for the last 6 months to buy jewelry for me.

I have been instructed that I have to look prettier than before. While standing in front of the mirror, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear. (Surah Baqarah, Verse 286). Wiped off my tears so that no one would see that.

The time came in finally and they arrived. The feeling of shyness, nervousness, and the wandering eyes scanning each and everything in the room scared me once again and above all feeling of being rejected shattered me. With traces of confusion, I entered the room, come inside “Pari”, my amma called out my name. My name is “Parisa” and my family members used to call me pari. I have to answer the same routine questions I have been asked by such type of guests.

Before bringing a tea tray in the drawing-room, I saw that boy who might be becoming my prince charming soon from the crack of our kitchen door. I didn't want to make a castle of dreams. No more fantasy world because we are the people of bitter realities.

They were treated well best in our home and both families separated with a good note.

Feeling of Being Rejected:

At night, I prayed my Isha prayers, I felt the same feeling while losing a game just gave me tiredness, fatigue, and stress (maybe in terms of rejection) but my sister used to cheer me up with her amusing sense of humor but I have to wait for the next move to be driven by another party.

My baba and amma were sitting on the bedstead (charpai) mumbling under the shining light of the stars on the sky. My parents are considering this proposal a good one, but again we have to wait for their call. In fact, for their positive response.

I still remember the season of winter as the season of sugar cane and oranges when I used to sit in the farms with my friends in the village and enjoy the fruits enriched with sweetness and little bit sourness. The golden days of my childhood where there is no tension and worries.

Parisa's Dream:

That night I had a dream as I was sitting on a bench having greenery all around with my grandpa. He was the one whose presence had been just a blessing for all of us. He always used to say: "Perfection doesn't come from outside, it’s hidden inside you." No one is perfect, but people of different nature can make a perfect world by implementing love, peace, and harmony. I don't know, is it a good sign or not but I believe whatever happened to me Allah knows all and He will not leave me alone. He is watching and controlling everything, indeed.

Gather Strength to move on:

I stand out with distinction in physics, studied throughout on scholarship and got a job as a lecturer in the same college. My face, my height, my family is what Allah Almighty gave me and these blood relations are my strength to move on. We are simple people who don’t have much to eat and struggling hard to bear the expenses of the entire family but we do have the heart to share. My baba always called me a ‘spunky challenge’.


Hurting remarks of People faced by Parisa:

No call for the last seven days means no hope for that proposal.

I don’t remember exactly; I think it might be my 14th proposal. It happens as a general practice in our society, I guess. I remember, one of the shopkeeper family, they said I’m pretty but shorter in height (5’ 3”) means no match. One of neighbor’s auntie said how much do you give in dowry. One marriage proposal also rejected me because I didn’t put sugar in tea as I don’t have such manners to adjust in that family. Once again, I am rejected due to the 1/2” brown mark (a birthmark) under my chin which wasn’t my fault and I’m not ashamed of that. They said it looks odd on my face.

Although some people’s behavior entirely changed after marriage, no one can give anybody a guarantee for perfect marriage life. But families wanted a girl to be smart, intelligent, pretty and perfect in all aspects. Why?


Life Changing event of Parisa’s Life:

On that winter evening, at around 4:15 p.m. somebody rang the bell. My brother opened the door. I was studying that’s why didn’t pay much attention to the outside door. After some time, I went into the kitchen to help my sister in setting tea trolley. It was curious to me that amma and baba were there in the drawing-room for the last 35 minutes. I looked at my sister who smiled at me but I didn’t get that. I was gazing at the door and suddenly saw my amma coming towards us with an auntie who was dressed very decently. She holds my hand and kissed my forehead. I looked at her in astonishment.

Wrapping yellow dupatta around me, while entering into the drawing-room, I saw a boy wearing an off-white shirt and black pants named Umair and an old man who must be his father in boski suit and Peshawari chappal talking to my father. Auntie (Umair’s mother) introduced me and uncle (Umair’s father) stood up and patted on my shoulder. I was so confused about what was going on. Finally, something happened unexpectedly and truly speaking was the best moment of my life.

We have no demands, Uncle said. Auntie added, Parisa is the girl of good manners, pure heart, and clean character. I have observed her so closely. She is very respectable for us. We just want her to be our son’s bride and our daughter-in-law. We want a positive response from your side.

They liked me finally. Although, nothing is similar as there is a big class difference, a huge status difference among both families. But how did this all happen? That mystery revealed when I got married to Umair.

Allah…. Indeed, Allah is the Greatest Planner. We must believe in Him and shouldn’t lose hope in any odd circumstances.

The bus stop was hardly 10 minutes walking distance from my home. I used to stay there and wait for 8 more minutes for my college bus to come. I didn’t know waiting for those 8 minutes can change my entire life. Umair while going to office noticed me standing under the bus stop shade. Auntie (Umair’s mother) was the principal of the same college where I was performing my duty as a lecturer. That’s why it was not hard to find my address and know regarding my character and nature.

My parents, even me…. we were not expecting this outstanding proposal. That night I saw my father weeping while thanking Allah Almighty.

Everything got settled down between both families and my status shifted as Mrs. Umair after 4 months. The time came in to leave the house where you spent your whole life.

When my husband and I started to know each other, he told me that when I came to visit your house, I can see the tension on your face. You were rubbing both your index fingers and looking pretty. I admire your simplicity and purity in your eyes. I closed my eyes and put my head on Umair’s shoulder.

Umair, you know I have faced many rejections and heard some heart-wrenching comments from people. I am so blessed to have you as my husband who is so caring and loving. I didn’t remember any hard times because Allah gave me this beautiful family. Indeed, Allah is the Perfect Planner. And I promise you till the last breath of my life; I will be forever yours.

Feelings are not born to die:

In this society, why it's too difficult to find a reasonable match for a girl and a boy? I am not saying perfect, but at least the one who fulfills the basic requirements. Every girl is not a showpiece. People don’t even think for a single moment to pass on the judgments. Everyone has emotion, feelings, desires, and wishes. Why is this society following those old Indian norms? We are people of the free-soil state. Our culture and religion are our pride. Need is to take away that slavery thinking from our minds. We should think of a better way to find a perfect match for both families because feelings are not born to die.

It’s far better to have a telephonic discussion first and all aspects should be discussed based on realities. After that move on to the next step to meet up the families.

Rejection is so painful that it makes people hopeless and disappointed for their entire life. Being rejected is indigestible. There must be a solution to every problem. Need is to focus on finding the best possible solution. Both rain and sunshine contribute and gives an eye-catching rainbow. It is you who will decide how to keep that rainbow glorious.

What best way do you think???

Sara Shahid.

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