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Attitude of Change, Chance of Change

I have stumbled across a new passion: writing. It is proving to be insightful and rewarding.

There’s a warm gentle breeze blowing about. Fall is nudging summer out of the way to make an appearance. A burning bush redder than a rose, grows next to the fence proud as can be. A yellow birch as gold as a setting sun stands tall in it’s fall foliage. Wild sumac in the lane is red, yellow and orange, beautiful as ever against a bright blue afternoon sky.

The ambiance of the day is stunted, the feeling subdued. Even though it’s a bright sunny beautiful day there is an unfavorable feeling in the air. Is it me, or is it something else? Am I ill? The way I feel, though not intended leaves me depressed and apathetic. Writing and drawing might bring me out of it. A change in attitude might help. My physical center is unbalanced. The music in my soul has soured. I’m listless.

Why am I self centered and needy? Where has the love for myself disappeared to?
Why do I find myself wallowing in negativity, wanting to leave the past and present behind? Where has the tomorrow of the future left me? When will the future of the past tense pass me by and leave me the chance to do it all over again? Why doesn’t it leave me alone? I feel pestered by it all. The pressure of
existence sits heavy on my shoulders. Is it all my fault?

My mind, body and soul are exhausted and tired.
I ever try to always stay on the move, always preparing for the paranoia.
Always waiting for the calamity of each situation to perfect itself, because it always will. I find no relief in any of the analysis of it all. I write gibberish hoping to find an answer in the nonsensical idiotic chatter.

Perhaps the composure of a poem will quell the noise inside my brain.
Maybe thoughts will turn the words into a cleansing calm washing away the poison. Stopping all forward motion to turn away the run-away train.
Is there enough patience to write all the words and finish on time?

Listen to your own words. Go back and start simple, start slow. The future isn’t here yet so that can’t encumber you. You are making headway, you’re on a fantastic journey. The voyage of a lifetime. Don’t let negative feelings impede your affirmative value. Even if you hate to say it, you are making progress.

There is a need to admit to positive change. Don’t allow yourself to get lost in the interference of a needless mindset. Go against past perspectives. Learn a new melody. Sing a new song. Find that influence that inspires. Find a love of another. Find yourself.

© 2020 Laurie S Novak

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