Pun Stories by Lori: A High School Reunion That Goes Vroom
Announcing a New Series of Pun Stories
Since my coffee pun story was such a big hit, I've decided to write an ongoing series called Pun Stories by Lori. Each story will have a theme. Today's pun story by Lori theme is anything to do with automobiles. You can find car makes and models, also words about car parts or other related car words. See how many you can find. Today's story is about a reunion for the fictitious Ferrari High School in Tacoma, Washington.
Time For Ferrari High School Reunion
My husband Bentley and I were so excited when it was time for Ferrari High School's twenty-fifth reunion - class of '92. We could harely wait to see our friends Astin Martin and his wife Sienna, Lincoln and Porsche Ford, and Alfa Romeo and his wife Mercedes and her twin brother Benz, as well as many others. The first step was to create a steering committee to plan the reunion. Here's the story...
Planning the Reunion
Chairing the steering committee was very stressful. We met up in Seattle where I had reserved a back table in a restaurant. There were so many details it was hard to focus on just one. Right away we agreed to have it in February. The next thing we had to do was decide where to have it.
"How about Malibu?" Porsche threw out.
"Malibu? We didn't go to school in California."
"So what?" she said. "Why does it have to be in Tacoma where we went to school? The weather is crappy. Malibu is much more beautiful."
"I say we have it in Tahoe or Las Vega" said Tesla, who was voted "Most likely to run audi money from gambling."
"No way," everyone said in one accord. Tesla also loved to bet on horses at the racetrack. She tended to have a blind spot when it came to excesses, signaling she needed help. We loved her though.
I saw Mitsi Bishu raise her hand. "What is your idea, Mitsi?" I asked.
"It's Mitsu, Mitsu Bishi, and how about we do a camping thing at Sequoia National Park? My husband is a ranger there. It would be a great escape from the busy city."
"In February?" I said." I wouldn't advisor that."
Mitsu, was president of the student mountaineer club. Her father had been quite the explorer, climbing Mount Fuji six times and passed on his love for the mountains to her.
"Why not?" she said. "It would be an adventure. Or we could go to Scion National Park in Utah."
"Next thing you know she'll have us on an expedition of the Arctic tundra," my friend Kia whispered in my ear. "That would be quite an odyssey - NOT."
"Let's stay more suburban," I suggested.
"I know," Minni Van Sedona said. "How about Palm Springs?"
The air was suddenly filled with delighted chatter. I have to admit, I thought it was a priusciting idea. Palm Springs, check.
"How about a venue? Any ideas?"
Minni didn't miss a beat. "I can think of two places right off hand. The Riviera Palm Springs, and the Avalon Hotel. They are both really elegant."
"Sounds good. We'll put you in charge of securing the venue."
"How about a menu?" said Sue Baru. "I suggest a Mexican fiesta." Sue was voted "Most likely to become an award-winning chefrolet."
"Make sure it has lots of fluids," Tesla shouted. "Like Corolla beer."
Kia rolled her eyes. "Corona beer." She whispered "Not only is she a gambler, but she's also a big plush. Remember how tanked she got at the last reunion?"
I winced remembering the spectracal she made of herself." As I recall she veered off and fell on the floor saabing."
"And then she started screeching that A/C D/C song the band was playing. She sure has a set of pipes on her. She mazda really embarrassed her husband."
"I thought I heard she was on the wagon." Suddenly, I felt bad for gossiping. I knew better. I had to get the meeting back under controls. "Okay. Is everyone okay with the Mexican fiesta?" I asked.
"Why don't we have a lighter meal," Porsche said. "I don't know why we couldn't meet at a bar and grille."
"Neither a fiesta nor a bar and grille will work for me," ALexus said from the back. She is a sport model, and a vegan at that. She was terrified of looking in her mirrors, always fearful she'd see a spare tire around her middle. I am acura when I say she is nowhere close. She is so thin that when she struts down the fashion runway her belts fall off sometimes.
"I'm concerned about costs," said Kia. "Rio is where we went for our vacation last summer and it cost a fortune and now we are low on crash. I don't want my husband to have to absorb another shock, financially speaking."
Kia is very frugal and was voted "Most likely to save the most silverado and gold."
Minni, always the competitor, said, "He can't be any worse than my husband. He's a jeep skate like you wouldn't believe. He is always convinced we are on the skids. The big lug is nuts, but I love him to pieces."
"What kind of accommodations are there in Palm Springs?" Sue wanted to know.
Minni googled it on her laptop. "If you're looking for a middle of the line price and quality the Colt's Lodge is pretty reasonable. I stayed there once. It was very nice. They provide a lot of classic comforts."
"I'll check it out," said Sue. "I just don't want a room with a rear view of the parking lot."
I knew it was time to switch gears. "We've decided on February, but what day do you think?"
"Why don't we do it sooner," whined Minni. "February seems like an infinity to wait."
Minni sometimes had to have her own way or she would get overheated. It put a lot of pressure on the rest of us.
"Valentine's day," Porsche said. "My husband runs laps around me in the romance department."
Everyone tittered their approval.
"Next up, decorations."
Mitsu put up her arm with such speed the acceleration made my head spin. "What do you have for us Mitsu?"
"I can bring my award-winning red roses. Their pedals are velvety and luxurious."
"Decorations, check. What else do we need?"
"Invitations," said Kia. "I'll make and distributor them."
I checked off invitations. "Let's see, oh, entertainment."
"I hob knob with musicians," ALexus boasted. Her ego was a little too inflated and she was known to toot her own horn, but it wasn't important. "I'm a good gauge of bands," she continued. "The Legend's are a good choice. They are a big headliner in Las Vega and they play a lot of different types of instruments."
"They are good. Have an alternator choice just in case they aren't available."
"All right. I'm thinking of the Highlander's, Chevy and the Cruisers, or the F-150s."
"That's a good list, ALexus, tank you. That sparked an idea in me. I would also like to put in a plug for the Mustang's." Entertainment, check.
"Wait, wait, how about Guns and Hoses," Tesla said jumping up in the air. She bumpered into Kia's purse and dollar bills fell out. There were four on the floor. Kia picked them up and shoved them back in her purse and looked back at me.
"Are we almost done here? I'm exhausted."
I knew it was time to adjourn. "Everyone, I want to tank you all for making this planning meeting a success. It's been a gas. Let's keep in touch via email and see you all on Valentine's day in Palm Springs."
Reunion At Last
The big day finally arrived. Bentley and I boarded a flight at Seatac airport. It was a stormy day in the Pacific Northwest and the flight was so bumpy and wild it felt like the turbulence taurus in half. The pilot got on the intercom.
"Hi volks, I'm so ferrari for the bumpy ride. I hate to say it, but this is only a forerunner to the bigger storm we're facing. You may feel some rolls, but my co-pilot Royce and me are very experienced. Passengers, keep your seatbelts fastened and don't worry, this plane moves with the power and stability of a Jaguar. If you have any questions, ask the flight attendants who are wearing the blue blazers as you probably know already."
By the time we landed in Palm Springs, I was such a bundle of nerves Bentley insisted I see one of the trauma therapists provided by the airlines to console me. When I tried to talk, all I could do was babble: "Volvosuzukifiat, volvosuzukifiat."
They couldn't help me so Bentley took me to the hotel so I could lie down and rest before the big night. Unfortunately, I kept babbling until Bentley couldn't piston to me one more minute. He didn't care one toyota that I was traumatized. He gave me a pill. I turned over and went fast asleep.
At five o'clock he woke me and told me to dress for the reunion. I slipped into my new gown. Bentley zipped me up, twirled me around, and whistled. "Your tailgate looks good in that dress. Now you better station that wagon on the chair while I put on my tux." I gave him a playful punch on the arm.
"Smart axel," I said.
We finally arrived at the Riviera Palm Springs hotel. It was elegant. What a gala. ALexus was one of the greeters. She looked really upset.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"There's nothing vegan on the menu. I blew a fuse and now my husband is mad at me. I don't want to get sick and fat, that's all."
I scanned her figure and said, "ALexus, your body is molding very nice. Slimline proportions," I said as distreetly as I could.
"Come rover here and let's find our name tags," Bentley said.
The tags had our senior pictures on them. No one looked like their pictures. I happened to glance across the room and my mouth dropped open.
"What is it?" Bently asked, following my gaze.
"Look at the guy who's laughing so loud. Does that laugh sound familiar?"'
Bentley listened a minute and turned to me with his eyes wide open. "Is that Corvie Camaro, the skinny little nerd chess club president?"
Corvie's full name was Corvette.
"It is. He's as big as a trunk now. Life of the party it looks like."
I saw Bentley suck in his rut and stand taller.
We walked around to mingle, snatching hors d'oeuvres off the plates of passing waiters.
"Is that my old buddy, Bentley?"
We turned around to see Astin Martin, Bentley's best friend from high school.
"Hey, Astin, my old homey from the hood." They did that ridiculous fist bumpers routine. I had to wiper my hand over my mouth so I wouldn't laugh at them.
I walked off to find old friends and ran into Tesla. She was brights eyed donned in a shimmering gown. She raidatored grace and confidence. She had a young man and a young woman with her.
"This is my niece Renaulta and my nephew Peugot."
They smiled politely but seemed a bit uncomfortable.
"They're twins," Tesla boasted. "French on their father's side," she added.
"Oh, isn't that nice," I said.
"They're orphans," Tesla said. "I raised them."
"Their mother died during childbirth. My son dodged his responsibility and took off with some floozy he called his little Lotus flower."
Renaulta stared at her shoes, blaring red in the face. Peugot started hummering Frère Jacques and tinkered with his tie clasp.
"I'm so sorry for your loss," I told them sincerely, but this was too weird. "Have you seen Bentley?" I asked. "Oh, there he is. Please excuse me." I tried not to run as I made my getaway.
The chess nerd Corvie was the M.C. for the evening and told us to find our tables and sedan in our chairs. I arranged to have Astin and Sienna, Porsche and Lincoln, and Alpha and Mercedes sit with us. We barely had our back ends on the chairs before we were gabbing like magspies, catching up.
The dinner was wonderful. The prime rib was nissan rare. Over dessert we talked about our travels.
"Alpha and I got a sailboat and spent the summer on Catalina Island," said Mercedes.
Astin and Sienna's trip wasn't quite so impressive. "We visited the Bonneville Dam this past fall," Astin said as if it were Paris. Sienna rolled over her napkin nervously. She had begged him to take her on a Safari, but he didn't want to pay the airfare.
"We went to the Caribbean but got caught in a tempest," said Lincoln. "Poor Porsche spent the whole cruise in the cabin sick as a fog."
"Oooh," we all said at once.
"What about you and Bentley?" Sienna asked eagerly.
"We went to Pontiac Alaska," I moaned. "Woopty doo."
"Kodiak, Alaska, dear," Bentley said. "My brother lives there. He took me salmon fishing and elk hunting."
The ladies looked shocked.
"Let's go to the ladies power vroom," Porsche said to the other gals and me. When we were inside the girls expressed their sympathies that my vacation was so Grizzly Adams.
"You poor thing," Mercedes said.
"It wasn't quite as bad as you might think." I burst into giggles. "My sister-in-law Navara and me went cross country skiing at Alyeska Resort in Anchorage. The guys don't know about it."
The ladies gasped in awe.
When we left the ladies vroom, Corvie was introducing the band, the Cadillac's. They were amazing. We rocked and shimmied, darted here and there and made wide and narrow turns to the music. When the band took a break we went out back to get some freshener air. We looked up at the stars.
"Look," said Alpha, pointing. "There's Saturn. Can you see it?"
We squinted but didn't see it.
"Mercedes, honda me my mini binoculars." She pulled them out of her purse and we all took turns looking.
When we returned to the party a great big paper heart was at everyone's place. Each one had letters on them. Corvie announced we were playing a valentines game. Corvie would ask a question and give some letters and we would have to answer it by making the letters into an acronym.
"Okay," Corvie said. "The letters BMW and the question is, what was your first impression of your Valentine?"
"Be My Woman," Bentley called out.
A woman yelled, "Boy, Massive Wimp."
"Next, the letters SUV. Question is, how would you sum up your relationship with your sweetheart?"
Tesla, whose husband had not come had the best answer, "So Unbelievably Vain." More laughter.
Okay, next," Corvie said. He was on a roll. "RAM. Fill in the blank. My sweetie is (blank) when he or she gets up in the morning? "
Porsche said "Rarely Appealing Mutant." That got the biggest laugh of the night. Lincoln laughed the hardest.
"Next, AMC. My sweetheart looks (blank) when he or she comes home from work?"
"Absolutely Magnificently Captivating," said ALexus, obviously trying to get back into her husband's good graces, which she did. He kissed her hand tenderly with a smile.
"Aw," the whole room said.
The game went on far too long. It was almost eleven by the time it was done. We were more than ready to go. We put on our coats and hugs and tears went around the whole room. We would see each other again in five years for the thirtieth reunion.
Bentley and I took the redeye back to Seattle the next evening. We arrived exhausted and running on empty. When we finally rolled into bed Bentley kissed my cheek and whispered in my ear, "You looked pretty sleek in that gown you wore last night. You were a vision. Everyone took a backseat to you."
"Aw, that's so sweet," I said, my eyes starting to close. "Night my hubs."
© 2019 Lori Colbo