I have been writing poetry, fiction and short stories for many years and have completed a book of poems. I also enjoy comedy writing.
Forgive Me Father. I have sinned.
Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I have desecrated your fine house of worship. I am a fornicator, a blasphemer and mostly, a nun lover. It all began one evil Friday afternoon. I left work tired and frustrated because my stupid boss was breathing down my neck all day about getting some dumb figures right. This little penguin of a man bossing people around and disrespecting everyone he worked with. I so wanted to wrap his ass up in packaging paper and set him free in the North Pole. But I knew if I did that he would surely fire me and I couldn't chance going home to my wife to tell her I did something stupid and got fired. I would never hear the end of that story.
Here he comes again sweeping the corridor with his wobbling feet. "George! George! Are you done with those figures yet?"
"No Mr. Peecock. You just gave me this 20 sheet document about 10 minutes ago and now you are back in 5 minutes. I couldn't possible work that fast sir."
"George. This company is not called sloth and snails enterprises. It's called Peecoks Taxes and More." You better have those figures ready the next time I see you or clean out your drawer!"
"God damn that man. He is driving me to sock him right in the nuts. Anyway, I better have this darn document ready fast. God knows I need this job." I began to work feverishly on correcting the figures he himself had messed up. I had to start from the top and work my way right through. "George! George! Give me the damn document. It must be ready by now. You are moving way too slow. Even a sloth can beat you in a 5 meter race."
"God damn it you darn Peecock. You just keep breathing down my neck like drunkard on my back. Give me some space!" I broke and screamed at Mr. Peecock. There was an eerie silence in the office as everyone was shocked out of their staples.
Mr. Peecock simply replied, "Three weeks, no pay." Oh shit. What did I just do? I can't go home for three weeks, especially with no pay when we have bills in arrears. I messed up again and my wife would surely follow up on where Mr. Peecock left off.
The Nun Calls
I had to walk three miles from work because my pile of iron that the dealer said was a car broke down several times and it was cheaper to park it and take the bus than to keep on fixing the rat's nest. I didn't want to take the bus that evening though because I never wanted to reach home soon just to avoid my nagging, self-loving wife would curse me from now until thine kingdom come when I break the news to her. I thought I married way too young. It was actually a forced marriage as I knocked her up when she was just a teen and my dad told me I needed to marry her and make her a lady. But as ma always said. You can carry a mule to the river but you can't force it to drink. I wanted to walk, I wanted to think. I wanted to see things I would have missed if I was in a vehicle. My mind was stressed and it wanted release. As the Gods may have it, luck came my way in the middle of my journey when out of nowhere rain began to pour. I stood there looking up into the sky wondering what manner of evil I had done in my past life to deserve these bad luck.
Then I head a soft voice calling, "Sir, are you OK? You can come in the church and get shelter from the rain." I looked around and saw a young beautiful, stick a pin there a minute. Nun. I thought to myself, "I am not going into any church with a nun. I am not ready for anyone to perform exorcism on me. Then the voice continued, "Sir please come in. You will get ill by standing in the rain." "Oh what the heck I said. I may as well go get a few blessing from the church because my life was already messed up. What else could go wrong?" So i ran to the church door to the Nun. She had a pretty face, almost angelic.
Nun Loves More Than Christ
"What are you doing just standing in the rain sir? Are you OK? Do you need help?"
"What I need is a job and a new life."
"Don't worry, I am sure if you pray about it the Lord will answer once you believe in him."
"Lady, no disrespect to your "lord" but I have been praying for a Whale to swallow my boss when he goes out on his fancy yacht expeditions for years and all that ever happens is him posing in pictures with hot babes and large fishes he caught."
"My boss keeps on bullying me, he gave me three weeks suspension today without pay. My wife curses me out and hates my guts. I simply am not getting love from anywhere." I said as a stream of tear ran from my right eye. The Nun quickly ran to me and gave me a hug. She felt so warm and nice. I could feel her womanhood press deep on me and I liked it. She looked up at me and I looked at her as she used her veil to wipe my tears. She was so beautiful, I looked deep into her eyes as she stared into mine. Then suddenly I grabbed her by the back of the head and kissed her. She jumped back and pushed me away.
"Oh my God! Oh No Sir! I can't do that. I am a woman of God. I have principles to uphold given to me by the father. I sympathize with you on your hurt but I cannot help you like that."
I looked at her for a while, not listening to all the Jesus gibberish which was spewing from her fresh warm lips. I wanted her Nun body. I wanted to take her right there. I slowly walked up to her again as she held on to the cross around her neck and began to pray with her eyes closed. I gently pushed forward and gave her a soft kiss on the lips. She slowly released her grip on the cross and opened her eyes. I leaned forward again and kissed her deeply. The devil suddenly got enraged in her as she began to feverishly kiss me. I lifted her up and took her to the confession booth to confess our sins.
Passion Of The Confession Booth
I had her in the confession booth and there we knew each others sins. She knew my lust and I knew hers. She knew my adultery and I knew hers. She felt my fornication and I felt hers. We coveted each other as the sins of the flesh enlightened the wooden frame and suddenly there was an explosion of naturalness that brought both of us down from earth into hell where we held each other devilishly.
"Don't what?" I asked. "Don't go home tonight. Stay with me in the church while the rain falls. We both can leave tomorrow as I cannot stay in the church after my flesh has felt the unholy pleasure of man." I felt love in her voice, I felt calmness in her arms. This must be the new beginning I had always prayed about. But I never thought of anything happening like this. But as they say, "The Lord works in mysterious ways."
© 2018 Clive Williams