Two little words with so much weight behind.
Lies, that’s what it is. Fine is the easiest word to use to get someone off your back. To avoid confronting your own emotions. To absolve people of their worries for you. It is the quickest way out of uncomfortable questions. But you’re not fine, how can you be?
“A lie travels around the globe while the truth is putting on its shoes.”
That’s not true, now more than ever, this saying is just not true. How can it be when I watched you get punished for lies? Lies that were said to protect the evil. You fought so bravely for yourself, to clear your name and fight for your innocence, your dignity, but the lies buried all of it. Nothing you say can change the story the lies spun, and now you are suffering because of that. So how do you expect me to believe you’re fine after the torture I witnessed you go through? And are still going through because of the lies?
Yet, you stand here before me, lying. But I know this lie is different. This lie you needed to tell so that the insanity pauses for a little bit. You needed to lie so that you have something to hold on to for a while. You need to believe in your lie. You need me to believe in your lie.
You still need life to be like a movie, a place where the underdog will finally win and claim his long-overdue victory. You need me to keep fighting for you, so you can keep on fighting for yourself. You need me to believe that there is still a light at the end of the tunnel, that the sun will eventually rise to take the darkness away. You need me to believe that so that I know the battle I’m fighting for you isn’t pointless, and that I’ll keep fighting until you get what you deserve, until the world gives back what it owes you. You need me to know you’re fine, so I'll keep supporting you, and maybe someday, one day, you’ll actually be fine.
You still need hope in the world, and you can’t have that if I’m gone. If I gave up. So, we’ll both stay in this little bubble of sunshine and rainbows, this illusion that everything will be fine. We need to believe that the world will reward the good and punish the bad, so this little lie of yours, I have to trust it. So do you.
You told me you’re fine, and I believe you.
I’m fine too.
© 2021 Alison Lian