Flash, Flash Fiction: Who's the Real Ruler?

Updated on September 26, 2018
MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers has been a professional writer/editor for all of her adult life. Before that, she was just a little girl storyteller.

Source

The Jester Was Late

Queen Esmerelda barked, “Where is Griswold?” “I summoned him a long time ago!” Her ladies in waiting shuddered. Nobody kept Her Majesty waiting. Nobody! She had ordered subjects beheaded for keeping her waiting for shorter periods than this. Griswold was only a court jester, one of several. “Off with his head” probably would be her next command.

The tardy, soon-to-be-late, court jester finally bowed to the queen, to whom a minute equaled an hour. Esmerelda had felt the need of someone to cheer her up, and now she really was upset. Griswold was in trouble.

Source

The Jester Was in Deep Doodoo

“Begging your majesty’s pardon,” Griswold apologized to the scowling face.

“You have kept me waiting, your Sorry Lateship. What is your lame excuse to keep me from having you beheaded?”

Knowing that no excuse would be believed by Her Majesty, the truth tumbled from his mouth. “My deepest apologies, Your Majesty. I usually try to serve Your Majesty from my heart with my deepest feelings of high esteem for you. But my arse said to my heart, ‘today I am in charge, and you will serve the queen when I say so.’ My arse just now relieved my heart to answer your summons, Your Majesty. I was in the loo with the flux.”

The horrified court emitted a collective gasp. Then complete silence. After a pregnant pause the queen exploded in laughter until tears streamed down her cheeks. Finished with her unladylike guffaw, she said to Griswold, “That is the most amusing thing anyone has ever dared say to me. From this moment, I command you to be my personal jester. Now proceed to entertain me some more.”

My Husband Was a Stand In for My Muse on This One

For some reason, my muse decided to take a vacation this summer. You know my muse, the one who looks like Johnny Depp and talks like Keith Richards? I guess it was so inspired by Pirates of the Caribbean reruns that it decided to go on a cruise without me. But to make a long story short, one day my husband, Larry, remarked about the old joke the brain only thinks it controls the body. With instant inspiration for a fiction, I kicked into high gear without the presence of my muse. I certainly hope that he is enjoying himself on that cruise without me.

I guess I could have made this little story into a longer flash fiction by adding more descriptive details, but why bother? When the message is self-contained like this one, to add more description just drags it out, which can lead to boredom.

Somehow I just can’t hit the HP requirement of 1150 words on this story, so it probably will never see a niche site, but that’s all right. My vacationing muse will return soon. I hope he’s feeling refreshed and ready to go, because I’d like to get back to my writing. But I’m just a little bit jealous that he didn't invite me to go with him. I do hope he brings me back one of those pretty little shell necklaces.

But for now, I'll just throw in one of those nonsensical videos and a silly poll that HP likes so much, so ENJOY!

Addition: My Mom Also Inspired This Tale

I was in such a rush to get this published and move on to something else that I forgot one of the main reasons that I wrote this tale of honesty. My mom deserves credit for this with an anecdote of her own of what happened to her one day in the third grade. I think she used it as a teaching tool to teach me.

She said that the teacher told the class that she was leaving the room for a few minutes and instructed them not to talk while she was gone. She wanted to return to a quite room. Mom said that, of course, almost all of the students took advantage of her absence and the room began to buzz. She was one of the talkers.

Upon returning to the noisy room, the teacher singled out the students one by one, asking them if they talked. If they denied it and she knew that they did they were punished. Likewise if the student admitted talking and started making excuses for his or her disobedience, the student was punished. Finally she came to my mom, little Mildred. "Mildred, she asked, "were you talking?"

Mom admitted that she was, and the teacher asked her why was she talking.

Mom said she couldn't think of an excuse and knew she would be punished anyway even if she did, so she replied, "Because I wanted to."

She said the teacher was so flustered at her honest answer that she said, "well, all right, just don't do it again. Unlike the other kids, mom didn't receive any punishment. However, she said that excuse only worked one time. Later on, if another student tried the same answer, the wise teacher didn't accept it as an excuse.


My Silly Little Poll

Who is the ruler around your house?

See results

© 2018 Doris James MizBejabbers

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    • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

      Doris James MizBejabbers 

      5 weeks ago from Beautiful South

      Hi, Peggy, nice to see you. No, my muse didn't bring me back anything but excuses for his absence. He isn't as smart as Griswold. Maybe I should behead him. Glad you enjoyed this one.

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 

      6 weeks ago from Houston, Texas

      Nice way to start the day. This has me smiling. Hope you got that shell necklace. Haha!

    • Robert Sacchi profile image

      Robert Sacchi 

      3 months ago

      You're welcome.

    • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

      Doris James MizBejabbers 

      3 months ago from Beautiful South

      Thank you, Robert. It was fun to write. Glad you read it.

    • Robert Sacchi profile image

      Robert Sacchi 

      3 months ago

      A clever piece of fiction and fun related stories. Well done.

    • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

      Doris James MizBejabbers 

      7 months ago from Beautiful South

      Of course I agree, Lady Paula! I guess it really was a power trip for kings and queens of yore. I believe that's why our democratic republic was established...so more people could keep their heads. LOL I'm glad I live today because I'm not as clever as Griswold or even my mom. Love ya, Girlfriend.

    • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

      Doris James MizBejabbers 

      7 months ago from Beautiful South

      Sean, I love humor of all kinds, and I love fantasy, so when they are combined, how can we lose? Thank you for your very nice comment. I think we can be great friends.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 

      7 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      MzB.....Looks like that jester saved his arse by being quite clever. Must have been a feeling of enormous power for the Kings & Queens of yore to be so feared, everyone bowed to their every whim......control by intimidation & threat!

      I wonder when simple "nagging" came to replace beheading? It's certainly a lot less messy. Well girlfriend, I think men should be grateful that we "Queens" of today are so much more civil!! I just know you agree!!! LOL, Paula

    • Sean Dragon profile image

      Ioannis Arvanitis 

      7 months ago from Greece, Almyros

      Absolutely Hilarious! So smart and well written! I admire your talent! I am sure that beyond Terry Pratchett you love Douglas Adams and Monty Python, as I do! I am so glad I found you.

      Humour is a sure sign of good-hearted person!

      Sean

    • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

      Doris James MizBejabbers 

      10 months ago from Beautiful South

      That's great, Debra. I'll answer it affirmatively.

    • Lady Guinevere profile image

      Debra Allen 

      10 months ago from West By God

      Doris, I deleted all my hubs, but my account is still open. I can't bear to leave with most of my friends still here. I am on Facebook and a few others too. I sent you a freind request for you there.

    • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

      Doris James MizBejabbers 

      10 months ago from Beautiful South

      Debra, I'm glad you found me. I thought you had left HP, and I'm so glad you didn't. (Maybe I'm thinking of someone else.) Actually, I got my idea from an old joke about the brain and the arse and changed it to the heart and the arse. I'm glad it made you laugh. I hope it brought the sunshine. Our sun is flickering on and off here, too.

    • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

      Doris James MizBejabbers 

      10 months ago from Beautiful South

      Nell, I loved your comment, too. Mom could be clever when she wasn't letting my dad do his usual "male superiority" thing like men did back then. She was a talented artist and musician and my dad was the math and science family member.

    • Lady Guinevere profile image

      Debra Allen 

      10 months ago from West By God

      LOL. I finally got back in touch with you and found your latest article and it a grand one. Made me laugh all through the article. Your mom was good at telling the truth even it was that once in the classroom. I loved the part about the heart and the arse as well. This did brighten my day and I do believe that while reading this the sun did finally come out today.

    • profile image

      Nell rose 

      10 months ago

      LOL! I love it. And your mother was a clever woman, lol!

    • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

      Doris James MizBejabbers 

      10 months ago from Beautiful South

      Hi, Shauna, nice to hear from you. I enjoyed your comment. Thank you.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 

      10 months ago from Central Florida

      Miz B, this story is full of chuckles from the cranky queen to little 3rd grade Mildred.

      I suspect your muse will return rather quickly now that he know others are vying for his position and doing rather well at his job!

    • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

      Doris James MizBejabbers 

      10 months ago from Beautiful South

      Me, too, Mary. I can read it and get it over with. Same for writing it. Good to hear from you.

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 

      10 months ago from Ontario, Canada

      I had a good laugh, too, with the Queen. I'm all for flash fiction as it is more witty and fun.

    • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

      Doris James MizBejabbers 

      10 months ago from Beautiful South

      Hi, Bill, thanks for the compliment. Glad I could make your day. I wrote one article on how to write fiction from real life. Maybe I should write another on how to turn a joke into flash fiction. Thanks for commenting, my friend.

    • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

      Doris James MizBejabbers 

      10 months ago from Beautiful South

      John, I hope you are right about the length of hubs. (Can't exactly call fiction an article, right?) I went back and read the requirements and it said (if I remember correctly) 700 to 1150, so I guess they've made some changes. However, most people aren't going to reach that when they publish poetry. I think with my explanations, I reached about 780. Thanks for point this out. You do good work, or as they say in our South, "you done good."

    • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

      Doris James MizBejabbers 

      10 months ago from Beautiful South

      Shannon, considering the fact that he may not be able to top his first act, you may be right. We'll just have to guess how he fares, won't we?Thanks for reading and commenting.

    • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

      Doris James MizBejabbers 

      10 months ago from Beautiful South

      Zulma, that is so funny, and I'll have to add it. I was taking for granted that "me" was mama, but I realize I shouldn't have done that. Thanks for reading and commenting.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      10 months ago from Olympia, WA

      You crack me up, MizB! Great story had me laughing...your asides after the story had me laughing...just a fun read to begin my day with, and I thank you. Let's see more from you soon, okay?

      bill

    • phoenix2327 profile image

      Zulma Burgos-Dudgeon 

      10 months ago from United Kingdom

      This story made me smile. By the way, you didn't include the option 'Me' in your poll. So I'll include it here. Me. I rule. Just don't tell my husband. He thinks he does and it's easier to get things done around here if he carries on believing that. :D

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      10 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Just. Hiding in regarding Flash Fiction and HP. If I am to write any fiction it is always flash fiction now. I know When I see a piece of fiction here I immediately scroll through to check the length of it. If it is too long I won’t start to read it. I know that is sad because I used to lobe a good thick juicy novel I could sit down with for days.

      You mention HPs requirement to have 1150 words, well I think that has gone by the wayside especially with poetry and fiction because almost every one of my new hubs are on Letterpile and most are only around 300 or 400 words.

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon Henry 

      10 months ago from Texas

      This is the most clever thing I have read in several days, at least! With a queen like that, sounds like the soon-to-be-late joker may wish he'd lied and saved his ass some sh--. . .

    • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

      Doris James MizBejabbers 

      10 months ago from Beautiful South

      Manatita, I wasn't sure what kind of reception this tiny tale would get. Thank you, my friend.

    • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

      Doris James MizBejabbers 

      10 months ago from Beautiful South

      Ann, in reading the comments I was reminded of an anecdote my mom told me years ago about her honesty. I think I'll add it to the explanation. I love writing flash fiction because it does attract readers on HP. I found that writing regular fiction was a waste of time. Most people don't have time to read it. You are right, HP doesn't give flash fiction its due. I wish they did. It's comments like yours that keep me going. Thank you, my friend.

    • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

      Doris James MizBejabbers 

      10 months ago from Beautiful South

      Pamela, Thanks for your comment. Glad you like my honest jester.

    • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

      Doris James MizBejabbers 

      10 months ago from Beautiful South

      Flourish, thanks, dear soul, for your comment. I tried to keep it brief.

    • MizBejabbers profile imageAUTHOR

      Doris James MizBejabbers 

      10 months ago from Beautiful South

      Maybe you were, John. I think we've all been something we're interested in now. Thanks for your comment, my friend.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 

      10 months ago from london

      Funny and well told. I could see why the Queen liked it. Carry on, Miz. carry on!

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 

      11 months ago from SW England

      Great flash fiction. Made me laugh. Who needs polls and videos? Flash fiction is an art which is sadly not given its due by HP. I suppose we could all add extras just for the sake of it but that shouldn't be necessary should it?

      Well done with this. Who needs a muse?!

      Ann

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 

      11 months ago from Sunny Florida

      Very funny and entertaining finction. I like the court jester!

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 

      11 months ago from USA

      “Brevity is the soul of wit.” Great little flash comic.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      11 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Very funny MizB. This did everything it needed to without having to be dragged out with more description. I am always partial to stories about court jesters for some reason. Maybe I was one in a previous life.

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