John was raised in the early '50's in the backwoods near the Pennsylvania entrance to the Appalachain Trail by a pair of pseudo wanna-be-hippie parents. John learned how to survive in the rough by giggin' frogs, catching slimy sunfish, catfish, and blue gills barehanded, and walking barefoot in the snow for 5 miles every day, uphill in both directions.
John graduated from East Stroudsburg Jr.-Sr. High School, after which he immediately went to work for several companies that shortly after went out of business. (Good for the ego, aye?)
John then pursued careers in football helmet buffing and teddy bear eye attaching, both of which he was a dismal failure at. He then decided to try a college career in music, which he found to be incredibly boring and a cause for sleeping through many classes. He then continued along with a career in retail management for several chain stores which also proceeded to go bankrupt. He then decided to return to college an pursue a degree in biochemistry which was achieved in 2002 from Lafayette College in Easton, PA.
After college John enjoyed several years in a career testing strippers, but like all other things, testing strippers eventually became boring for John. Currently John is working as a network marketer and part-time author.
John lives in Easton, Pennsylvania with his Russian wife and 11 goldfish of unknown national origin. John has three daughters whom he is immensely proud of and whom have all survived having had his hand in their upbringing.